Roll Call 25

TheatreKid · May 21, 2014, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

i guess ive been too many times but i hoped i guess idk. that they could find a better depression med for me and could help me open up in a group or something.

IDK maybe this is all ridiculous thinking

Newtus, I don't know where you live, but are there any outpatient groups you could join? I used to live in a big city and I got into this intensive outpatient group where I went for several hours a day to do group therapy. It's kind of a step between the outside world and inpatient in a hospital.

Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital and get attached to a blood pressure machine that I have to carry around with me for 24 hours. Apparently it's going to track my blood pressure every 30 minutes, even when I'm sleeping. I'm not looking forward to it.

newtus · May 21, 2014, 06:37 PM

ive been through a lot of therapists too atypical. and doctors. the worst are nurses and doctors. ive only had 1 nurse but she sucked anyway. too bit_chy. schizophrenia....really no one knows what you go through.

newtus · May 21, 2014, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheatreKid

Newtus, I don't know where you live, but are there any outpatient groups you could join? I used to live in a big city and I got into this intensive outpatient group where I went for several hours a day to do group therapy. It's kind of a step between the outside world and inpatient in a hospital.

Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital and get attached to a blood pressure machine that I have to carry around with me for 24 hours. Apparently it's going to track my blood pressure every 30 minutes, even when I'm sleeping. I'm not looking forward to it.

i live out in the country so i dont have access to many resources.

newtus · May 21, 2014, 06:44 PM

sometimes i wonder if all i need is some friends. someone to talk to. i wish their was like a friendship texting line i could text

justmeandmyhead · May 21, 2014, 06:50 PM

The world doesn't feel right :/

TheatreKid · May 21, 2014, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

sometimes i wonder if all i need is some friends. someone to talk to. i wish their was like a friendship texting line i could text

Have you heard of 7 Cups of Tea? It's an online friendship service, you can chat to people who volunteer as listeners. They're not therapists, just regular people, so they don't do therapy, but they can help you out when you're lonely.

https://www.7cupsoftea.com/BrowseListeners/

Sometimes psychotic · May 21, 2014, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

sometimes i wonder if all i need is some friends. someone to talk to. i wish their was like a friendship texting line i could text

How is that different from being on here? Its all electronic and we are your friends?

newtus · May 21, 2014, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

How is that different from being on here? Its all electronic and we are your friends?

i knowww but its like i want a hug a REAL hug and i want hear the fluctuations in a persons voice and them looking me in they eye and talking. (even tho i cant look people in the eye heh)

its funny you say that - i just realized how many friendships i have online. since i was 13 or maybe 15 i have made online friends. my online presence has been known for quite a awhile. the longest ive kept an online friend has been on here (4-5 years) because everyone sometimes pretty much comes back. im afraid this is all gonna end too.

newtus · May 21, 2014, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheatreKid

Have you heard of 7 Cups of Tea? It's an online friendship service, you can chat to people who volunteer as listeners. They're not therapists, just regular people, so they don't do therapy, but they can help you out when you're lonely.

https://www.7cupsoftea.com/BrowseListeners/

thanks theatrekid.

ill look into that

May 21, 2014, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

i guess ive been too many times but i hoped i guess idk. that they could find a better depression med for me and could help me open up in a group or something.

IDK maybe this is all ridiculous thinking

I may be wrong, but unless they deem you in imminent danger of committing suicide or homicide, I don't think they would admit you anyway? I didn't get the impression that was currently the case, but if it is, then you should go to the hospital.

Otherwise you have to wait at least a month to see if the higher dose of celexa helps. They wouldn't want to switch until the celexa has been fully explored in my experience. One pdoc wanted me to wait 6 months on the max AD dose each time before switching, so a month isn't so bad.

How would being in hospital help you open up though? That is something to work on with T and then do kind of 'homework assignments' where you talk to strangers each day in various situations until it becomes less scary. Are you prepared to put yourself out of your comfort zone and do scary things?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

My therapist is in for some "fun" when she's back from vacation. I don't know why I bother, therapists are just stupid and they have no idea what I'm going through. None of them do. I've gone through so many therapists and I have yet to find one who really sees me as the unique person I really am. I feel so disrespected by therapists. I hate hate HATE statements like, "oh everyone feels that way" and the like. I am NOT everyone! I am ME, I am different and I am so beyond sick of therapists not understanding this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheatreKid

Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital and get attached to a blood pressure machine that I have to carry around with me for 24 hours. Apparently it's going to track my blood pressure every 30 minutes, even when I'm sleeping. I'm not looking forward to it.

My Mum had that done and it wasn't so bad

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

sometimes i wonder if all i need is some friends. someone to talk to. i wish their was like a friendship texting line i could text

You need to meet people IRL. If texting strangers was all you needed, then talking to us here online would be enough for you and it isn't. Join an art group. Take your sketch book to a coffee shop cos people will probably stop and talk to you about it. Take your dog to a park cos dog walkers chat all the time. Join a book club or a music appreciation club or something like that. Go and organise the voluntary work in the pet shop. There are loads of things you could do to reduce your loneliness, but you have to be willing to endure some anxiety to do it. Then the idea is that the anxiety lessens and you feel better about yourself for having done it, and you feel happier cos you have hobbies and friends etc. Just try! Staying the same is only making you more miserable

*Willow*

TheatreKid · May 21, 2014, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

My Mum had that done and it wasn't so bad

*Willow*

Does it squeeze you, Willow? I really don't want my arm to be squeezed every 30 minutes. How do you sleep?

May 21, 2014, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheatreKid

Does it squeeze you, Willow? I really don't want my arm to be squeezed every 30 minutes. How do you sleep?

Yes it squeezes your arm, like it does when you have your blood pressure taken by a person. Is there a reason why you don't like it? My Mum was woken up by it at first, but then was able to ignore it the second half of the night and slept through it.

I know that you don't like it, but can you get through it by telling yourself that it's important to know what your blood pressure is doing? You wouldn't have to do the 24hr test if your doc didn't think it was important, but you also need to stay calm throughout the test because if you freak out every time it takes your BP, then your readings will be unnaturally high. I'm disappointed that the doc who asked for this test didn't explore these concerns with you beforehand

*Willow*

newtus · May 21, 2014, 07:21 PM

ill try and do something. im just having lack of motivation and depression pretty bad right now. but i should try and stay out of the hospital i suppose voluntarily and involuntarily.

TheatreKid · May 21, 2014, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

Yes it squeezes your arm, like it does when you have your blood pressure taken by a person. Is there a reason why you don't like it? My Mum was woken up by it at first, but then was able to ignore it the second half of the night and slept through it.

I know that you don't like it, but can you get through it by telling yourself that it's important to know what your blood pressure is doing? You wouldn't have to do the 24hr test if your doc didn't think it was important, but you also need to stay calm throughout the test because if you freak out every time it takes your BP, then your readings will be unnaturally high. I'm disappointed that the doc who asked for this test didn't explore these concerns with you beforehand

*Willow*

Thanks... when I get into doctors offices I tend to pretend to be braver than I am. I just dislike the feeling of blood pressure cuffs. I'll get through it... I had to do a 24 hour urine test last month and that was unpleasant too. And I don't want to have to walk around with a blood pressure cuff on, I don't want to attract attention.

junkDNA · May 21, 2014, 07:31 PM

just got home. well like an hour ago. they sent me home early. she said they are cutting hours. cuz the payroll was larger than the sales. ummmmm ok. so now i only work 2 days this week. i feel mixed about it. its cool i dont have to work so much but i need the money. im sure lots of ppl feel this way. i feel both ways about it. like yay and ugh.

i set up a time to meet with T on friday. i texted him and said i was very glad that i am going to be able to take my meds tonight in peace. without the voices harassing me and yelling at me. im so glad T is able and willing to call me in those times. he helps a lot just to talk to him after i take meds and make a plan for the rest of the night. hes the bestest!!!!!!!!

May 21, 2014, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

ill try and do something. im just having lack of motivation and depression pretty bad right now. but i should try and stay out of the hospital i suppose voluntarily and involuntarily.

I'm not trying to make out like the things I'm suggesting aren't really hard Newtus, because I know that they are. Most days I'd rather stay in bed all day, though the sun shining lately helps motivate me to get out more. And I'm terrified leaving the house, and I was terrified when I went to the MH drop-in centre about volunteering, but it's better for my self-esteem when I'm more productive. I don't beat myself up as much for being so lazy. And maybe I would feel even worse mood-wise if I isolated and stayed in bed, idk? I really think that you need to brave the anxiety though, like I'm trying, to do the things that are important to you. I'm not saying that every day I'm 100% successful, or that you will be too - I still chicken out of making phone calls for example - but any little improvement in activity and mood is better than nothing

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheatreKid

Thanks... when I get into doctors offices I tend to pretend to be braver than I am. I just dislike the feeling of blood pressure cuffs. I'll get through it... I had to do a 24 hour urine test last month and that was unpleasant too. And I don't want to have to walk around with a blood pressure cuff on, I don't want to attract attention.

Hardly anyone stared at my Mum when she wore it. Most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to notice strangers. You will get through it though, like you said, even if it's not pleasant

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

just got home. well like an hour ago. they sent me home early. she said they are cutting hours. cuz the payroll was larger than the sales. ummmmm ok. so now i only work 2 days this week. i feel mixed about it. its cool i dont have to work so much but i need the money. im sure lots of ppl feel this way. i feel both ways about it. like yay and ugh.

i set up a time to meet with T on friday. i texted him and said i was very glad that i am going to be able to take my meds tonight in peace. without the voices harassing me and yelling at me. im so glad T is able and willing to call me in those times. he helps a lot just to talk to him after i take meds and make a plan for the rest of the night. hes the bestest!!!!!!!!

Sucks about getting paid less, but nice not to have to work. If only they'd pay you not to work! lol I'm glad that you have such a good T, and that the voices are gone.

*Willow*

newtus · May 21, 2014, 07:58 PM

your lucky to have a therapist like that junkdna

Atypical_Disaster · May 21, 2014, 08:01 PM

Yeah junkDNA I'm jealous, hahahaha.

I'd love to have a therapist that actually listened to me. But the more I try the more it seems like that's just not going to happen. I'm sick of being written off as a horrible monster. It's like if you're going to do that then why see me as a client?

newtus · May 21, 2014, 08:07 PM

i guess i need to just get a grip. i know what your saying. that i need to conquer my anxiety. i dont even have enough money to get my xanax.

May 21, 2014, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

Thanks for that Sometimes!

I've been reading and it seems to be linked to psychosis. I know the Ed Psych a few years ago said I had visual processing difficulties (I was really slow at copying letters and symbols yet still made tonnes of mistakes), so maybe I also have auditory processing problems too??

They sound a bit grandiose with the whole "connected to the suffering of others" IMO, but I hope that one person doesn't put you off going back. I'm glad that you've found it good so far. I'm too chicken to go to a support group IRL :/

It can be hard to follow when people don't use full stops, but it sucks that somebody had a go at you about it.

I find animals soooooo helpful too. And I worry about the same thing when people stop and stare

Maybe when you are actively psychotic, it is harder to have insight, but outside of a full-blown episode, it's common to have a degree of insight. As with everything, insight exists along a continuum. I don't think that thinking you have sz (having insight) means that you don't have it

It sucks that the injections hurt so much, but I'm glad the voices have gone

You have to do it anyway Newtus, or you will never change anything about your life and stay miserable

I agree.

Aww sounds like my first kitty, though she wasn't a kitten when we found her. One of our neighbours threw her out cos they bought a massive snake and were worried that the cat would eat the snake, instead of the other way round! lol

This is what ACT says: you have to work towards your values. You can set goals along the way, but as long as you are travelling towards your values, not achieving a specific goal is less important. My ACT book has arrived and, when I've read it, which may take a while I'm afraid, I will post up the stuff about values for you guys. I didn't really 'get' the acceptance stuff, but the values bit makes sense to me.

I'm reading An Unquiet Mind and it's really good, much better than Henry's Demons. With Henry's Demons I just didn't *feel* the experiences: the descriptions were sort of bland, whereas An Unquiet Mind is more emotive and the detail is richer, so the experiences feel more real when I read it, like with the Elyn Saks book The Centre Cannot Hold. I recommend An Unquiet Mind if you have bipolar or bipolar sza or are interested in knowing more.

*Willow*

Yeah an unquiet mind is good. I read that in like a day, I need to get back into reading again. Thanks for the hug.

Sometimes psychotic · May 21, 2014, 08:19 PM

Imagine you're an 80-year-old man ... - Imgur

Here newtus this is a good thought for you...

newtus · May 21, 2014, 08:20 PM

ambien gives me that drunk feel

junkDNA · May 21, 2014, 08:21 PM

thanks guys. i DO feel very lucky. its funny because when i first got to this program im in i was assigned a different therapist. i saw her for 6 months and then she went on vacation. my T was assigned to see me once while she was gone. i knew immediately from that 1 session that he was wayyyyyyy better than her. so i asked to switch. but T was concerned becuase of him being male and what happened with former T. i felt so rejected. he took 2 or 3 weeks to make up his mind about seeing me instead of the other T. the other T stayed on the surface most of the time and would even talk about how she felt about her parents divorce....my dad died my parents didnt divorce. she was meeting her own needs. when i met with my T that one time we tlaked about deeper things. i knew he would be a better fit. i just knew it. im so glad that he decided to work with me and he has said the same. sometimes he says the 6 months i was with the other T dont count. lol. i know i am lucky. i feel lik emost Ts are sh_tty. he is the best T ive ever had.

May 21, 2014, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

ambien gives me that drunk feel

Me too and I would feel just bizarre on it.

May 21, 2014, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

i guess i need to just get a grip. i know what your saying. that i need to conquer my anxiety. i dont even have enough money to get my xanax.

No I never said that you need to get a grip, nor would I because that is a horrible thing to tell someone. You need to reframe conquering your anxiety into a positive. "Get a grip" has negative connotations, implying that you're weak or being a baby for not doing something that makes you anxious. It is the stick you use to beat yourself up for struggling. I do it all the time, and it is bad. If I oversleep, I'm lazy. If I get angry or upset, I'm pathetic. Etc. etc etc. But it just makes you feel worse and even less likely to try again next time (what's the point? I'm a failure etc)

Instead see it as a positive. You feel sad and lonely, but YOU have the power to change that (that's a good thing). Getting out of the house when you don't want to is something that you can congratulate yourself over. Getting out of the house when you don't want to and you're terrified is even more impressive. So give yourself a pat on the back for that! I'm trying to empower you to realise that, despite lacking motivation and feeling scared, you can choose to do things to make yourself feel better. That is a good thing. And when you feel good about achieving those things, it becomes even easier next time to motivate yourself because you can tell yourself that 'last time I did X even though I was scared, I felt less lonely/depressed etc'. And when your brain tells you that you're lazy or bad or whatever, you have evidence to argue with it e.g. 'I can't be bad because I'm volunteering to help animals' or 'I can't be lazy because I got up and went out today even though I didn't want to' or 'Not everyone hates me because that person at the coffee shop liked my art and wanted to chat to me'.

So no, don't 'get a grip' Newtus. Don't beat yourself up and make yourself feel worse. Instead 'take charge'. You are strong enough to make your life better. Yes it is hard and you won't get it spot on every day, but you can do it and you will feel better if you do

*Willow*

Menu

Roll Call 25

My Support Forums