Roll Call 25

im scared honestly that im going to fail idk

idk i just i feel like theres a hidden rule somwhere. it makes me paranoid all this.

i feel like theres hidden messages in those rules

No hidden message. Many T's have these same rules for every patient. They just dont go over them with us. Have you decided to try her for a couple more sessions before you make up your mind? maybe talk to her about how you feel about them.

i wouldnt know what to ask or say. im still kinda stressed out and worried about this

There are no hidden rules per se but what is implied is they do not want to have further interaction with you if you "choose" to remain psychotic rather than taking the recommended dose of meds which is likely to increase until that abates regardless of what side effects you have as anything short of a seizure seems to have been considered tolerable to them. I have no idea if your new pdoc will continue to increase your meds but if I recall she already increased the haldol to 10 mg or something so unless you are taking that and not 2-4mg then you are likely already in violation of the contract. Your T has seen what you are like on the injection so she already knows what your functional level should be and will be able to tell if you don't take your meds as directed. They can also do a blood draw to determine actual levels. Your new pdoc may recommend injections after talking to the T and by this contract you have to do pretty much whatever she says. As such you are signing over your decisions if you wish to remain in treatment with the therapist. So long as you are intent on continuing your relationship with this T it is essentially as if you have a court order determining your treatment. The question is what they consider good enough recovery/function---I'm suspecting they will not stop until they hit the maximum dose of haldol available unless you show full loss of psychosis at some earlier dosage.

Me I'm not a big fan of conditional love so I would go somewhere else before I got further ensnared in this mess...

do you guys think i messed up by signing this contract

No----the only thing they can do is tell you they don't want to see you again...the alternative is they don't want to see you starting now but if you want for this to work you have to be comfortable putting all your care decisions in the hands of your treatment team...It's not what I would do but it might be the best option for you....

ive been taking 7mg of haldol everyday. 5 at night. 2 in the morning. i dont see much difference

What are you supposed to be on? I thought it was 10mg---maybe it will help if you go up...also you know you don't want to be in violation of the contract day 1 right?

they wouldnt know right? but i guess i will

Very very scared out of my mind. Complete hopelessness taking over. Tiredness my body feels much heavier than normal. Many bad things happening. Mom broke her back, in incredible pain. More repairs. Struggles of extreme pain and suffering increasing. My brother remains out of touch with reality, he always claims everything is fine and nothing is going wrong. God, he is grandiose.

Sorry Newtus that you don't like the agreement.

The can measure blood levels if they think you're not getting enough...the first time it comes up too low they are going to increase the dose they are giving you just in case its some metabolic thing.... but at some point you won't be able to compensate...especially if they opt for injections instead...

I think if you're planning on lying to them instead of following the spirit of the agreement its not a matter of if it will fail but when...

i will follow then. i kinda want to get better. thing is some of those voices were my friends

I want to know what happens in healthy people who take antipsychotics. Just because I worry that I've been misdiagnosed and the drugs will harm me. My cpn said it would knock me out if my body wasn't using it and the fact I'm not means it needs it. But what if they're wrong and I don't have sz or something similar.

nomal person take Geodon or Risperidal then what is effect??? | Student Doctor Network

You feel trapped in a box....

What does that mean 'trapped in a box'? Like you feel suffocated or distant?

why do i feel like everyone is against me here

Don't know but if you don't know you probably aren't feeling it...the pdoc on that site said 5 patients put on the APs in error said that...I imagine it's kind of claustrophobic and panicky like if you were buried alive or something...

We're not....I don't think anyone here is against you. We might not be telling you things will turn out like you want but that's just reality. If you wanted I could tell you that your T will shred the agreement if anything ever happens because she doesn't want to lose you or that they won't know if you take your meds or whatever but it's not what I actually think will happen...

sorry im just very paranoid right now. im sorry. im having a rough time

You've had a lot of stress last couple of days...hopefully you can sleep tonight...

No need to apologize. Rough times happen around here, totally okay.

i took a nap when i got home but it doesnt seem like enough

I'm sorry that you're worrying about that You would get similar side effects, like sedation/akathisia, weight gain etc. They test drugs on healthy volunteers first to find out if they're safe for humans and what the side effect profile is, then they test it on those with the condition to see if it's actually effective in humans against a placebo. I don't think it has anything to do with the brain "using the AP" because the patient "needs" it. Many APs cause sedation in those who have been prescribed them for psychosis, and also in non-psychosis e.g. seroquel/quetiapine causes sedation as a side effect as an AP, but also causes it in those with BP using it as a mood stabiliser, and in those who take it as a sleep aid.

I don't know if this would happen for everyone who took an AP they didn't need. But I have felt 'trapped in a box' at times before (though I don't know what meds I was or wasn't on at each point) - personally I always thought it was dissociative due to anxiety. I felt like I was in a glass box where I could see out, but things weren't as clear as 'real life', and sounds were more muffled, and experiences didn't cause the emotions expected (I mostly felt numb) as everything around me that I was observing through my 'glass box' didn't feel real. I always referred to it as derealisation, but idk if that is what these other people mean when they say 'trapped in a box'. Other than that I've had the usual AP side effects - sedation, akathisia, increased appetite & weight gain, blurred vision (starting abilify/aripiprazole) & tinnitus (abruptly stopping aripirazole), and that's all I can think of for now.

*Willow*