Roll Call 25

newtus i wasnt calling u an attention seeker. and even if u were its not a bad thing. people need attention. and some people didnt get it when they were young. im not saying u are an attention seeker. i was just trying to explore why u might enjoy psychosis. it was just a question. im sorry i hurt ur feelings. that wasnt my intention. but i wasnt saying u do it for attention.

yes. well my T asked me this question not too long ago. if there was something i enjoyed about being psychotic because i seem to have a hard time letting it go. he said sometimes i say i miss the voices and want to get off my meds. so thats why he asked. i dont do it for the attention either. i would much rather have positive attention rather than negative attention. but i could see how it is dramatic and keeps you busy. i tld him it was about not being bored. because theres always stuff to think about when im psychotic. i dont get bored. but yeah, i wasnt calling newtus an attention seeker. at all.

I'm on Paxil at the moment and it has worked well for me. Hopefully it'll work for you.

I'm so annoyed. Every time I mention wanting to come off meds I get threatened with hospital. I have no control over this anymore since I went on the depot

Edit: sorry I'm complaining a lot

Yeah I figured the reason I mentioned it actually is my mom's therapist a long time ago said something almost identical to her so I figured it was a standard T tactic...her case had zero to do with psychosis but the idea is if you are able to change something and choose not to there must be a reason you're not changing it some reward even if it is smaller than the gain you would receive from stopping the behavior---its just that if it was purely negative and you had a choice you would choose not to...

oh ok.
i thought you were but i didnt understand i guess.

im sorry. i thought you were trying to insult me. sorry junkdna.

but 1 thing is im not purposely inducing it with ambien. i just found out that it did this to me AND i have to take it to sleep. so i actually need the ambien. when i take it - it first makes me feel weird manic like - then makes me hear voices and see things and stuff - then it knocks me out. which i need it to knock me out to sleep i mean.

Even if you are an attention seeker, what's so horrible about that? Everyone needs attention, it's part of what makes us human.

I have to say I disagree with you here. You come on here and post pretty often about some really ****ed up stuff(wanting to kill yourself, etc). And you've complained before about a lack of responses, which means that you obviously want people to pay attention to what's going on with you. Just a thought.

I think part of your problem may be that you have nobody in real life to really give you the healthy attention you need on a consistent basis. So now you're seeking out attention elsewhere(here) and it's tipped into unhealthy because this is only an internet forum.

That's my opinion. Take it or leave it, you're not going to hurt my feelings.

Yeah but there are other options for sleep and you just saw your pdoc so she could give you something that didn't make you psychotic right? I mean weren't you using xanax for that before and you never mentioned being psychotic from it even if you took more than you were supposed to...so to me it is to some degree a choice...I'm sure your pdoc would call something in for you if she knew it was having this effect....

i dont have enough money to get my xanax or i would be taking it. im on trazedone and ambien and (some xanax) for sleep. and i still wake up in the middle of the night.

Newtus: Maybe you should try another sleep aid? Ambien is some scary stuff, I think. People who aren't psychotic have really scary things happen while taking it.

So I did something dumb, which I don't want to talk about what it was because I'm paranoid, but I want to talk about the experience caused by it. Due to doing something done I had possibly the most intense psychosis experience I have ever had. I was jumping through time. The house was pulsating, Paranoia and feeling like I was split into two, where like half of me was panicing and the other half of me was like slipping away. Everything was like flashing and pulsing like I was in a strobe light (which I hate strobe lights.)

It was really scary and I learned my lesson. But, i see now my mind really is more effected by things that my husband isn't, for example. So, I need to be careful.

you guys are the only people i have to talk to. so i say nearly everything on here like im writing my diary. i felt i could maybe trust you all thats why i say so much of that on here.

i dont have any friends in real life thats why im constantly on here thats all. i have no one else to talk to except my dad. and i cant even talk to him about everything.

im on 2 sleep aids and use xanax as needed for sleep sometimes. (and anxiety).

but your experience sounds like me when i smoked weed. i decided to not do that stuff again.

Fair enough.

im figuring this musnt be too healthy for me to be on this many sleep aids. and still not be able to sleep fully.

i have trouble with sleep. i went thru summer 2012 with really bad insomnia. they even tried haldol and it didnt put me to sleep. i go thru phases with sleep. now i take melatonin, L-tryptophan, seroquel and trazodone at night. i usually wake up at 4am but am able to go back to sleep til like 7 30 or 8am.

im going to try and take your guys advice and get out of the house for an hour or two and visit my mom at a coffee shop. i almost didnt want to go because i ddidnt want want to drive and because i am nervous but i need to do this for myself and get out of this house.

I've had insomnia since I was very young. Trazadone is the only thing I've found that actually helps. Even meds like seroquel didn't knock me out. It's crazy-making when you can't sleep.

Newtus: It will be good for you to get out of the house. I'm having the same issue today too. I just want to hide in my dark bedroom. But I'm going to force myself to get a shower, get dressed, and go downtown for a while. Staying in this dark room will only depress me more.

so far I havent had any problems with the haldol and paxil clashing together so that is good and I am not having as many violent thoughts.

same here. since i was very young. but i notice i got more mg of trazedone in the hospital (200mg) compared to now with my psychiatrist.

i got to see my dad before he left for work today! i think staying in my room too will depress me too. so i need to get out for awhile.

im debating going to Hearing Voices group at 4pm today. i kinda dont want to. on my days off i feel like isolating and staying in my apartment. but i know thats bad. i also kinda feel like i dont have anything to talk about except my new job cuz they dont know about that yet. well T does (he helps facilitate the group). and the other T that helps facilitate the group knows. its kind of depressing to go to that group when im not psychotic. if im psychotic i can go there and talk about my experience without being judged or anything and maybe get some helpful advice. but now that the voices are gone i kind of feel like i dont belong. i know T would tell me to go, but idk. decisions

I need my alone time, but I also get out of the house fairly often because I know staying in my bedroom all the time isn't good for my mood. I also like having other people around me, I like being admired and that requires getting out of the house. Hahahaha.