Roll Call 26

i dont feel well today. i just...i cant drive. so i cant get more cigarettes or enjoy my day. also again i dont have much gas cuz my dad drove me everywhere while he was off. im very sad when hes gone. i asked him to quit again. he said no basically. but then i prayed for him to be fired. i hope this job doesnt last long. i feel so selfish but this is killing me.

anyway i have a lot of paranoia right now. so much so i feel sick to my stomach. i feel like the planes are after my info. am i a whistleblower? i cant say. i feel like people are watching me through my blinds and on cameras outside my house.

im floored about losing my weight. im trying to eat less and eat cleaner. im drinking a smoothie with kale spinach pineapple strawberry and kiwi. but the kiwi making my lips itch.

so i met with T today. i was having some breakthru symptoms but not full on psychosis . so pdoc upped my abilify dose. i think its cuz he lowered the seroquel. but ummm. T and i played cards. after i left i went to pick up my script and came back so i could put it in my strips with my nurse. T was there and told me i was supposed to be going to this addictions group as a part of our agreement for when i drank the kratom. i havent been going mainly because i work. but i called in today. i didnt go to it after we talked and i was kind of a smart *** to him about it. so i thought he was mad at me. so i texted him and asked and he said he wasnt mad at me. so i feel better about that. apparently hes talking to the disability lady at my college about my sociology grade. he said she left him a message right when i texted him. so i will find out what she says sooon.

we just had a big thunderstorm here. it was great.

im very very afraid of people

is anyone on?

I don't trust people and some do scare me.

I'm here just on and off. I took my kids to eat at Applebee's. We attended the high school awards ceremony today.

Both my daughters graduate tomorrow!

Life is changing for my family. I feel like they'll be moving forward and I'll still be stuck in my rabbit hole. Of course I want them to move forward but I still feel scared and kind of lost. Feels weird.

makes me think of empty nest syndrome. but anyway are they physically going to leave you? i think its normal to feel this way about your kids but i know your situation is different. you struggle with depression and other things. right?

ive been smoking a lot today. im just so stressed about my weight. i try so hard but cant lose it

this thread has been dead for a while

Yeah it started really strong like 300 posts overnight then just died off...I like to think it's because summer is finally here and people are too busy having a good time

i wish i could have a good time somewhere

Ok here is a new topic....
Toilet paper orientation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I had no idea that preferring one toilet paper orientation could mark me as a liberal and hint at my income as well. Bizarre.

Weren't you just at the mall buying playgirl etc...that sounded like a good time

What if you don't use toilet paper?

KIDDING!

Actually some people really don't there was this family trying to save the earth etc in the nytimes a few years back and seriously they just put a bowl of water by the toilet....I have no idea....can you imagine being a guest?

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/22/ga...pagewanted=all

Link to the year without toilet paper....Ick....

lol yea and i got my libido back to. very much so got it back. if you know what i mean.

anyway i guess im that type of person that has to be busy all the time. im back home alone and that triggers my illness. im paranoid right now.

You think that was the AD?

have u seen that show extreme cheapskates? some of them dont use toilet paper. ive seen ones who use newspaper, rags that they wash and reuse, just using soap and water. its pretty gross

Ha ha! I use baby wipes!

You know for number one maybe if you really couldn't afford it but for number 2 no way and really not even for let's call it 1.5 once a month not that either but you know I had cloth diapers as a kid so if the water is hot enough it actually works....but choosing that...um no...

I backed off because I thought I was talking too much and maybe I was the reason people weren't posting.

No I don't think that's why....I'm not sure exactly why....it seems like if someone is having a crisis there is a lot of activity but when people are doing OK there isn't much to discuss...

i think thats it