Roll Call 27

Punky: How is everything going for you and Bean? I sent you a PM a while back. Not sure if you saw it.

In a dark place right now. I dont want to post if I cant be supportive to others.

punky

saw my therapist.

shes like "you know we are ok right?" i was like "what do you mean?". she said "from what happened that day i sent you to the hospital".

it was just kinda awkward. but we talked about my mom and how she got drunk and said she was gonna leave me. and i started crying it was so embarrassing. im seeing the therapist again this thursday.

I think that's great that you're talking with her about the important stuff going on in your life and she's making extra time for you when you need it....

You're still allowed to post even if you don't offer support yourself. I post and I'm typically not offering support to people most of the time.

yea. also the appt time was already set up weeks ahead she had just went on vacation but she said i could keep it if i wanted to. i told her about wanting to find a new mom. i kinda just wanted to see what she said. she said she wants me to trust her. its still kinda hard to a bit. cause shes put me in the hospital a lot and stuff and shes with this clinic but im trying to figure this out and how to be open yet find a distance AND be able to trust her.

I'm sorry Just know you can PM me anytime and talk. I'm here for you anytime.

idk about you guys but i had A LOT of anxiety and panic this week. my anxiety has been high and my paranoia has been sorta medium and i only heard a few voices past few days. but man this anxiety and bit of paranoia is kinda killing me

for everyone who's struggling right now.

I know right, it's about getting support too. At least that's how I look at it.

hope you can post soon punky...miss ya

Thank you!

every time I take the haldol it makes my skin mildly itchy for a little while.I told that to my pdoc and he told me not to worry that is a side effect that many people have.and its not a serious one.its just annoying.and I am feeling really restless today for some reason like I need to keep moving my arms and legs and doing something for relief from it.but its not helping so much.

That's a side effect the moving thing...you might have to get a second med to treat that or go to another anti-psychotic....check this out...

Akathisia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

i keep thinking "what if someone i know finds out that i talk about everyone i come across practically on here?". getting paranoid since my mom found out i was talking about her on facebook on mothers day.

That's why I never tell anyone exactly what site I use...it's way obvious who I am too much personal info on here. All my pics are hosted elsewhere so I can delete them at any time but the posts will be here forever...

I don't really talk about people in my life in a negative way so I'm ok on that but the pdocs well I've definitely been a little harsh on them sometimes on this site and if they found out they might not want to work with me but I can't see them wandering onto this site it would be like being at work for them...

I totally think that way all the time. That's why I get paranoid and delete certain posts.

yea i recently told my parents after almost 4 years now that i use a site for support but i didnt say where. thats all who i told in the past. but i just wonder sometimes. i feel like sometimes im buried deep enough into the internet and into this big site that i can post pics here and info. but sometimes...sometimes i just get really paranoid about what if?.

here was me as a teen.



i sewed all those patches on that hoodie and was heavily into punk rock culture and stuff.

I like your hair and you look so at peace...

Yeah you can see it in her eyes and smile. Beautiful!

thanks it was my first license at 16 and i was so excited. that was right before the illness got bad real bad. i was depressed back then tho real bad because i was so much bullied back then. i had been in hospital 3-4 times by then. for depression with psychotic symptoms and then schizoaffective disorder by then by 16.

wait a minute now...
my therapist said i was delusional last time she sent me to the hospital and seeing things but i dont remember any of that. i told her i dont remember seein ANYTHING. and if she meant that guy thats been following me is delusional then shes wrong. cause that is REAL.

You should talk with her on Thursday...do you have any proof about the guy?

i have his card. he told me (after i interviewed with local news) he had been found my profile and wanted to know more about me and asked if i had killed anyone.