Roll Call 27

Welcome to Psych Central and welcome to Roll Call.

Currently unable to sleep. So, I'm not too happy right now. I just drew a picture of a teddy bear because I can't sleep. This is bugging me. My mind hasn't got an off button.

hi im ok. generally in a sad mood but ok. went to church today. then went to the mall. the mall is the only place i know to go to have fun. then went to the grocery store.

i feel sick. i think i smoked too many cigarettes. got a headache

i was just thinking...idk how people can hate middle eastern/indian people. my 18 yr old neighbor says he likes everyone except "them middle eastern people". his words.

edit//and this is coming from a young pure white boy who thinks hes BLACK

just got off work. it went well. talked to my coworkers. felt more social. they are all so nice. well except for one B_TCH who thinks she runs the store cuz she is a bookkeeper. but i dont see her a lot anyway. when i first started working there i felt like i couldnt keep a conversation going cuz my guard was up. i felt like i couldnt be myself and just say what came to my mind. so i c0ntrolled what i said a lot and prob seemed really shy. but ive come out of my shell now and made some friends, so it feels good.

toby was happy to see me when i got home. those are the only times he is sweet to me. most of the time hes trying to bite or claw me, lol. i think he is evil. or just a snob.

While it is unreasonable a lot of people associate them with our recent wars and terrorism...Indian though...why? That one I have no idea at all...

I can't concentrate today. I just keep shifting from thought to thought wanting to do random stuff and then half way through wanting to do something else. What's happening to me? Is lack of sleep turning my brain to mush? I hope I sleep tonight. I hope.

idk why i keep feeling generally sad. i think its cause partly i know my dad has to go back to work after a long time off. i had so much fun with him these past few days.

i see my therapist today at 1pm. wish me luck and hopefully wont have to goto hospital under her orders

i had this dream that i made a group of friends. like 5 friends and i was so happy and i dreamt my weight was going down and all this. when i woke up i thought it was real and checked my scale and all this. it was such a dissappointment to know none of it was real. the weight or the friends.

Well I've officially switched from mixed to mania. Thank God. Hahahahaha.

its so hard to get out of bed in the morning. i feel dead. i think its the increase in seroquel. just have to get used to it again i guess

Just an update on the link to the ebook - the old link won't work, I republished it with my own Canadian ISBN.

Pretty Good Year - A Bipolar Poetry Anthology by Rex Emerson Jackson (eBook) - Lulu

new link.

hows everyone doing today?

I just bought it...actually the conversion was easy----there is in the instructions a convert to mobi link that just uses an on-line file converter rather than installing callibre and then you can just e-mail it to the kindle over wifi for free. It's beautiful----I'll make sure to review it for you after I finish reading.

Bleh no desire to do any work at all....the boss is out of town which is nice so I ran some errands. I had to go to UPS because my new laptop died...I've been putting it off for like a month because I just didn't want to deal with it, but its got to go in sometime. Then I popped by the grocery for some bulk items....I've been walking up there because my car battery is kind of glitchy right now. Now I'm at work and had a nice lunch of black-eyed peas and rice with salsa and cheddar it was really good. Now I should probably be working and yet I'm downloading theatrekids book instead....I'm sure when the reality of my boss returning eventually kicks in I'll get back to work but right now, ehh I just don't care....

i just got a callback from the place where ill get my mri. i did bloodwork last week and they said today that my vitamin d level was low. so they wanted to give me medicine for it.

Oh that's kind of good actually because it can contribute to stuff like depression so it might help you out to take the vitamins they give you----there isn't a lot of naturally occurring vitamin D in food although its supplemented in milk and of course you can get it from being in the sun as well...

see and im lactose intolerant. so i get sick and cant drink milk or eat dairy or cheese and stuff like that. im very picky about my food. yea maybe itll help with my depression .

oh no my pants are getting tighter

Yeah I hope it does help---a lot of people have too low a vitamin D these days due to sunblock etc its also great for cancer prevention etc.

Good stuff

i have terrible anticipatory anxiety. i feel anxious about seeing T at 3. im not sure why. i feel this way before i go in to work too. but once i get there i feel better. i just hate the hours before. i count down the time and that prob doesnt help. i wnt to see T today but im so anxious about it. plus i havent seen him in a while. sometimes i feel anxious when im seeing someone after a break. ughhhh.

Yeah these days I do fine until just a few minutes before but I could get started worrying a couple of days before in the past---I would kind of rehearse some possible things to say etc. I have a tendency to withdraw for the same reasons----its just so much easier not to talk to people but then that ends up making it worse later on....

Are u able to sleep?

Not really. I got like 3 hours last night and I felt fine so I got up.