Roll Call 27

i texted T. i realize i forgot to take daytime seroquels. or at least thats what i think. T said i probably forgot. but i cant remember. but i took one now

You should get one of those pill containers with the days of the week on it. Some are even divided into AM & PM for each day. That might help you to keep track. I hope you'll feel better soon

They also make the lids that just screw on the pill bottles that count down from the last time you opened them....I kind of like those best...

Newtus did you ever get your detox tea from Australia ?

im paranoid i guess.or at least thats what T says. im too scared to write on here about what im thinking. but i am really scared right now. for my life. i feel stupid for missing my meds. dumb. i took a seroquel. T said to wait n hour and take another one. i told T why im scared but he says its just paranoia and it will go away. i hope he is right. its all my fault. im confused between what is real or if there is realy anything to be scared of or if its just in my mind. idk. im retarded

i felt so good earlier and now its all gone and it makes me sad

TheatreKid: I just finished your book You have a beautiful mind I wish I had the ability to write like that.

yea im surprised you remember that.

but yea i used it the first week but the colon cleansing part really tore my stimach up so i had to stop using it. im still trying to detox using teas tho

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects...cumentary-film

Saw this on the other mental health board...hope it gets funded but it's a documentary on mental illness pretty much the intersection between shamanism and psychosis and how it's treated in different cultures....it looks super cool! It even has Sandra Ingerman which is the way I learned.

a plane flew by AND IT STARTLED ME. i feel weird. like paranoid and just general feelings of weirdness. my body does. i feel like im walking thru a dream.

am i dreamin?

sometimes people are all just against me they want to all gang up on me at once and make me hate myself and make me feel bad about myself.its like never ending verbal punches that continue to rip me apart at the seams.attacking me over and over about my weight over how I dont leave the house over how I look how I act how I dont have a steady job making me almost want to kill myself but I have something to live for so that helps hold me back.but every time something like this happens it makes me have violent visions of beating the living crap out of people.or hurting myself.

Lillybird90: Is there any way to stay away from those people that are treating you like that?

Sorry you're feeling so off

no unfortunately its where I have to live until I can either get a job or disability or if I can move in with a friend but until then I have to stay here.its ok newtus I have been feeling off today too.your not dreaming.I have been afraid to go out all day long today so I have been staying in my room.no one living here seems to understand why even though I keep trying to tell them.its hard living around people who dont understand mental illness and blame me for why I act the way I do.as if I wanted things this way!if I could change things I would but I cant help that I have problems.I am trying to by taking meds though.

Lillybird...is this your family? One day you will be free of them and they will treat you better...my relationship with my parents got much better once I didn't live with them...they realized that if they didn't treat me with respect that I never had to see them again...

Yes it is my family and I hope they treat me better one day too.but right now I have to deal with the way they treat me while I am living here.it makes things harder on me.and they just dont understand.

Did you ever look at disability so you might be able to get out on your own?

I post on the bp sometimes, but not often because it's too social for me

@lillybird- my family treated me awful and abused me until the day I moved out. They are a bit nicer to me after I moved out, but they still suck and they will regret it one day. The most important thing to do is work on yourself so you can eventually move out, I moved out at the age of 15 and lived with friends for awhile.

I never had a loving, supportive family either. Lots of abuse. I learned at a very young age that I was better off without them.

my father has been the only supportive family member to me. my parents divorced when i was 14. i feel lucky to have him

Feeling pretty bad at the moment. I got voices telling me I'm going to die and I'm crying about not wanting to die and that I want my mommy.

Thanks you guys yeah I have looked into disability if all else fails I will try to apply to it.
I am going to go do some art drawing always makes me feel better.

Erti