Roll Call 33

I'm picturing you bringing up Cheesecake Factory on the swings

You know the other thing to consider is the sliding scale doesn't need to be set in stone...it can probably slide again later if there are issues....

i went out today and first i thought they were gonn be at my house cause i had a thought that someone robbed my house but no one was there. so then i had a thought that they were gonna show up and take me to the hospital. i took my dog out and everytime he barks i think its the police here for me. then i thought they were gonna show up because of evidence i put out becAuse of gangstalking

I've really gotten into Eckhart Tolle recently. One thing he says is you should never complain unless the person you're complaining to can do something about it. Since I'm in the habit of complaining a lot - to people who can't do anything about it - I thought I'd give it a try.

Weekend before last on Saturday the grapes I was buying rang up wrong. No problem. They were for my chickens anyway, and I thought maybe I'd read the sign wrong. I just told the girl I didn't want them. But after I checked out, I went and looked at the grapes, and sure enough they were on sale. I told a guy standing there they were ringing up wrong - just to let him know it needed to be fixed - and he gave me the grapes for free. Huh. This is the first I've heard of getting stuff for free for complaining.

The next day at First Watch I had a complicated problem with my order that I won't go into, but they ended up giving me my meal for free plus a coupon for another free entree (which I threw away btw - the whole situation soured me on First Watch).

Neither time did I yell or get angry. I was pretty matter-of-fact. The thing is the whole thing creeped me out. I didn't know people got free stuff by complaining. For a minute I was thinking, "Now I can't complain to anyone. If I complain to people who can't do anything about it, I'm feeding my egoic mind. If I complain to people who can do something about it, it seems, they give me free stuff - which feels a little weird to me."

I finally decided I can still complain and turn down any free stuff they give me.

ETA: The point of the story. This is why people yell to get free stuff. It works.

Man I have seen more trigger icons on here in the last week than I have the last year I think...it's not just here on s and p but there are five on the front page with all the forums right now...I'm not sure if its increased moderation or just everyone is really doing poorly right now....weird...

i sorta think increased moderation partly

so now thats it night again i remembered something that happened last night that kind of left my mind today. i woke up at 12am and went to the front room of my apartment. i heard people talking outside my door. it was more than one person. it sounded like 2 men and a woman. i thought i was hallucinating. i was too scared to look out the window to see if ppl were out there. i live in a row of 5 apartments. there are 3 other ppl here. my neighbor to my left. an empty apartment to my right. then a woman next to the empty one. then a man in the last one. the neighbor to my left has been gone for a few days. i COULD have been the woman with some friends??? but what were they doing outside my apartment at midnight on a wednesday night? when i was walking back into my room i THOUGHT i heard one of the men say "where is the young girl going". now im not 100% sure thats what was said or i just thought thats what he said.

i texted T about it a little bit ago. he ssaid it was weird and its hard to know what to trust. then he asked me if it sounded like my voices. i said no. my voices sound like they are next to me. these were def coming from outside. and i told him about the young girl comment. he said it sounds like rude neighbors. i said i hope it was real people but even then it concerns me that ppl are standing outside my door that late. he texted back and said you are safe. i needed to hear that.

but tonight i am blocking the front door with one of my chairs.just to be sure.

Even if my voices are whispering I always know exactly what they are saying...there is no maybe about it....that sounds real to me a lot of social gatherings break up around midnight....

ive found its a system which has multiple access to my thoughts,can induce my thoughts and feelings, and can know my actions before they happen, can tell me my reality before i experience something. A system like that would require a network of monitoring, tracking, prediction with algorythms to defend it from unauthorized access by the victims of its attack technology.

In my case I believe that system to be my own mind rather than an external device.....

i always thought my hallucinations to be external devices

Today at school the stuff was really easy. Also, here is a quote from a teacher in my school:"I'm here to teach you how to think". Not very reassuring...

I feel like there is something going on behind the scenes with the people I live with and know like people are always judging me and when they smile at me they are pretending to be nice to me and everyone really just thinks I am disgusting.and there is something going on that no one is telling me like they are hiding something from me I dont know whats going on but I dont like it..

Oh I thought they were other people like telepathic or a transmitter when I was sick but now I think differently....

Why do you find that not reassuring?

Maybe the teacher should have said, "I'm here to teach you how to critically think."

Critical thinking is being able to solve problems that you don't know the solution to. It's not memorization or even basic understanding. It's deeper than that. The best workers are those that can think critically.

I am so tired...the abilify actually did make me drowsy....but my sleep interval went down to 30 min-1hr blocks....I have no idea how much I slept last night.

Glad I don't live in Israel.

I'm sooo sleepy.. like a narcoleptic seriously and everyone is getting worried again.

Last time they were worried because I was too skinny from stopping prozac cold turkey but hey at least I was awake all the time

I used my ritalin before my next refill Idk why I do that it just makes me sleepy and gain weight when I run out, I can't get addicted, I get no euphoria at all from it.I just like the calm and focused feeling it gives me.

But how do I not be skinny AND stay awake like a normal person.. um.. I'll lower the dose of prozac and take ritalin as prescribed...

So so so sleepy.. although the abilify took a few hours off my sleep per day which is amazing

Dear Newtus,
Your Momma in my opinion sounds like she is starving for love!

She should have said, " I'm here to teach you how to socialize and conform."

getting ready to go meet T

I believe Susan Forward has a book "Toxic Parents" might benefitual.

I took my chicken to the vet yesterday. He thinks she didn't break her leg but her back. She has no use of the one leg. He gave me an anti-inflammatory to try but held out little hope. His exact words were "the prognosis isn't good."

So, I'm going to try to figure out how to make her a little walker to get around the house in.

I saw that video when I was researching this the other day. I want to do something similar, but more like a baby walker. She only weighs two pounds and is very weak right now, so whatever material I use will have to be very light-weight. Aluminum? Balsa wood? Coroplast? PVC?