Roll Call 33

Like anorexic sick.

anorexic sick at 140?

Well then. My uncle Tim is growing Marijuana plants in our back yard.

someone wanted me to sext on okcupid. ugh

Yes. As I said, I have a very atypical body type.

thats interesting. didnt know that

Next week appointment with my pdoc...i get 10mg haldol hopefully.i keep having dreams where i go and eat or drink something watch tv doing normal stuff etc and they are so real that when i wake up i expect to still be eating or drinking or whatever its so strange and confusing.

im just in my own little world that i created to shelter myself from my sh*tty reality.one day the walls are going to close up around me and i will be trapped in it. btw im not being negative but i just said what was being said in my mind by someone who's not me.every day meds or not i have to battle her i will say or think about a positive thing and something opposite and negative will play back in my head.

and no one cares...

I care Lily, I'm sure others around here do too.

Hopefully the increase in meds helps.

Man, I'm sleeping a lot and not really living life. It's the meds, but I'm too afraid to mess with them myself. I need to do so much but I just wanna watch ****** tv and sleep. Well I'm gonna have some coffee and see if that wakes me up.

I'm sleeping a lot lately too because I've been so sick. My MRI came back normal so I'm off to see a neurologist...

Told my pdoc about the chip in my head and wanting to get rid of it, also told her about the voices coming from the chip, etc. She just said 'there's nothing there, and we'll agree to disagree'. So they're upping my medication and recommended psychology.

Really nervous about increasing my depot injection. Clopixol is a typical antipsychotic, doesn't that make you more likely to get shakes and stuff like that?

So what symptoms are u having?

I hope they get it figured out.

I've never heard of that med. But if u do get side effects like akathisia u can get other meds to counteract it.

Yeah it's not approved by the FDA in the US. Worries me even more. Yeah I'll ask them about giving me a script for something just in case. When I was younger on Abilify I had a very bad reaction where my low jaw was pushing to the right, like lock jaw, it was horrible, ended up in the ER. Just has me worried.

its prob clozapine.
is it not?

Yeah, I've either had akathisia or weight gain from ALL the antipsychotics I've tried. I'm not on one now but if I ever get delusional again I would do risperdal and probably add on metformin. That is if my insurance would cover it, (they haven't in the past).

Risperdal at high doses gave me the lock jaw. The pdoc in the hospital prescribed benadryl for it. There is also congentin, and others u can try. I can't think of them now, man my memory is horrible either from the meds or the psychosis. It's so frustrating...

I care I was just at the doctors like all day today....

Hmmm that's probably a good thing but I'm hoping they can figure it out for you.....

What all did you find out?

I just got really triggered, so I called our local mental health line and I was talking about the organization I was abused in. Well then the guy is like what's ur name? Then he's like what's your last name... I said I have to go. He's either a member of this organization or something, but they have the ability to look up ur info. I swear. These ppl are everywhere....

Hahaha, I just called their supervisor and he said that was not appropriate. I've gotten one guy fired that was in that organization. I was talking to him and long story he called me back and was like trying to meet me. I played along and got his number and then called the supervisor and he was canned. I'm telling you ppl in this organization are sick, sick, sick!!!

So my uti is apparently gone so no need for antibiotics....thyroid they want to watch in 6 months but they can start treating if I have more symptoms due to that, sugar is borderline...I need to exercise more because it will help with absolutely everything...stress, sugar, etc....I think even thyroid.

Still have then neurologist on sept 4th but they covered cranial nerve stuff at the pcp today...

They are going to do a urine culture just in case but I'm thinking it will be clear...my feeling is well if that's all it's is it's a much better deal to get antibiotics for a week than APs forever.

Anyway no leads from primary care...

Sorry you ran into someone from your organization....that sucks....

JW. Are you being gangstalked? You might be a targeted individual.

I guess once my dad finds a place here in Columbus I'll be moving in with my dad.