Roll Call 33

so cool sometimespsychotic

SP: It reminds me of marijuana.

How so?

it reminds me of psychedelia or some lsd trip

I just booked with a friend for an Italian cooking class---basically its a demo you just sit there and watch them prep a multi-course meal and then you get to eat it all----it's not until the end of September but it will be perfect for that time of year----here is the menu---yummm!

roasted garlic & asiago foccacia, antipasti salad with white balsamic dressing, braised chicken marsala, sautéed rapini & beans, & tiramisu.

See that's what I would have thought---the wild colors etc......

The colors and texture in it reminds me of marijuana buds in a picture filter

im starting to not like being with my mom because she makes me self concious about myself. shes always pointing out peoples flaws in public and points out mine. like today she was like "look at that mans stomach how big it is". "look at that womans clothes". "your teeth are SO yellow". she told me a few weeks ago that shes very vain. i believe it. she makes fun of people and treats others like freak shows and says im so overweight and im on the heavy side and that this and that or other people are this and that.

I got a similar issue but it is im too thin. There are 2 things here , first off , if you can find some stability , as you listen to normal communication between people , they ***** , they moan , they judge. Basically do as they please and are not in a mental straight jacket. What can be done? For your part you can try to harden up a bit , ive had to do this myself , but with this you need to be able to articulate your emotions , not easy until you get the condition under control. Normal people argue , debate , contradict each other. So thats the standard.

certain people in my family that I have to live with do this also so I know the feeling sometimes I wonder how above everyone else can one think they are to point out everyones faults around them its not like everyone is perfect we all have our faults and other people should just leave them alone how they dress or eat is none of anyones business other than that person them self.

sorry I know that was a mouth full just having a hard time putting together sentences for the moment now my minds a little foggy I keep writing words backwards also or jumbled like I meant to write this and wrote sith its hard right now.

Wow cool I wish I could see an animated image of it.how does the bacteria look moving around when its been stained?

These aren't alive although were working on doing that. Basically these are fixed in formaldehyde and then we take antibodies that recognize a certain protein and use that to tag them with something fluorescent....but we have some now that just make fluorescent proteins directly so we can video them....we just got the video module installed on our scope today.....

You know to me this is a huge step...you're realizing that you're mom's opinion of you and others isn't necessarily valid or even remotely beneficial that this isn't really about you or how you are but about your mom and her own insecurities...

[deleted. dont want to trigger anyone]

ok so i decided i wanted a pizza. so i ordered online at papa johns for a carryout (they wont deliver where i am cuz im in B.F.E.) any way i get there 30 min later and dude was like its still in the oven. so i waited 5 min and then other dude was like here u go hot and fresh. i got a weird vibe from that guy. i think he was trying to flirt with me. he said some other stuff but i blocked it out, lol. so i went to my car and checked my pizza. it was def not what i ordered. i go back in show them the pizza and my order and they had to make ANOTHER one!!!!!! but, the reason im talking about this is this. i wasnt mad, i wasnt rude, i didnt yell or demand free stuff. i sat and waited patiently for my pizza. this makes me wonder why certain ppl act crazy when they dont get what they want right when they want it. like in the store i work in. how can u have such an attitude and be such a prick when something doesnt ring up right or whatever. its not like im doing it on purpose to personally attack them. i dont get some people

New pdoc was awful. I should have figured, based on how ancient he was (graduated med school in 1960). I thought that that meant he had a lot of experience and was passionate enough about his work to not want to retire. Turns out it's more like he is losing his memory. I think he might have dementia. He asked me the same questions over and over again. And he was really cold towards me. I felt like I was being interrogated.

junkDNA: yeah, I work in retail at a store called Meijer which is like a walmart. I feel you! People are generally impatient assholes.

Younger is always better in my opinion they were so messed up back in the day and had like no hope pre- meds...

Doubling meds tonight to 10mg abilify....hope it works....

im meeting T tomorrow at noon. i think it will be our last time meeting in that office. i wonder if anything will still be in there? maybe we will go to the swings. im sure we are gonna talk about his sliding scale. so that makes me nervous. also i met with my recovery coach today. she was really confused and kind of freaking out about being in the dark regarding my plans. i think she thought that i was leaving the program very soon. i tried to tell her that it wasnt going to happen for a while. well she ended up calling T and they talked about it. T explained to her that we are just in the brainstorming phase. that no plans are set yet about aftercare. he told her the plan is that i will see the other T within the program and see him outside of it. T also mentioned to my coach about the possibility of her working with me individually outside of the program if she was willing to do that. so i think (and hope) that my coach will accept and come up with a reasonable fee for that.

things are changing so fast but not really. it just feels like they are. the only thing changing right now is where im gonna meet T at. and the financial stuff.

i keep thinking the cops are gonna show up at my house and take me to hospital

As long as you didn't call anyone I think you're ok it's probably like PTSD...

from them showing up before? or showing up in general? i thought it was psychotic thinking but idk

First one....you've actually had this happen before so it's not unreasonable to think it could happen again. It could still be psychotic in that there is no reason for them to come for you but honestly you've been sounding better lately and this may be more like awareness of the actual situation but I don't know...only you would know that....