Roll Call 34

Very true! That's why pdocs annoy me when they make out that their subjective opinion is gospel!

I never post there just cos hardly anyone ever posts there lol

Yeah cos I was bp2 before I was SZA-bp2. I never hear voices or feel paranoid etc the rare times I was hypomanic, only when severely depressed...but then that changed to even when very mildly depressed so Uni pdoc changed it to SZA. The pdoc here though doesn't believe in hypomania. She's quite incompetent though. The number of times I've had to tell her about possible drug interactions that she hadn't realised, or that she was getting the dose of stuff wrong...probably why she hated me though! LOL

I'm getting triggered by outside noises this afternoon, so I've got my headphones in really loud, which is helping drown it out. Could you try music or colouring or something?

*Willow*

I know, it makes no sense to me...I just wonder if cos new pdoc is a BP expert and so sees BP even when there isn't anything??? Idk. It must be confusing for you though

Any news on old pdoc getting set up in practice yet?

*Willow*

I could try some coloring because all music does is remind me of my ex.

That's the ****ing truth. When I'm in a manic psychosis you can't miss it.

I think he is set up because I saw him here with the right insignia on his coat but I think he is only inpatient so I can't see him.....

I love colouring! I have no idea why adults don't do it more often! I find it very relaxing. Hope it helps



Yeah, even when the mood is irritable and not euphoric, manic psychosis is pretty hard to miss, whether IRL or in posts online in the BP forum.

*Willow*

Square peg, round hole----you will fit! It could be that or not thinking I'm impaired enough for anything else or wanting that kind of label for me? I don't know it might be meant to be nice but she has said possible BP before so I think she really believes it but given that we don't really talk I think it would be hard for her to tell.

Oh no! That sucks! Is there any way you could check?

Sometimes I think I'd be willing to drive the 7 hour round trip just to talk to Uni pdoc but, even if I did, I still couldn't see him cos I have to have a local address and register with a local GP to get a referral - ugh!

*Willow*

I colored a lot while in the hospital mostly because there was nothing to do. Got bored of it easily and I find myself watching tv or something lol.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...A-bipolar.html

That's the topic I made during my last manic episode, it got worse than that but yeah it's extremely obvious.

No I did not check the DSM-5.

The last depression I had was not a typical one. I had a lot of hallucinations and false beliefs. Some were mood congruent and others were not. When it was at its worst there was a presence beside me that I interpreted to be another worldly being that was waiting to pull my soul out of my body. There was other stuff too but this was my main worry. I also had a lot of agitation.

What is odd about this is I get hallucinations and agitation even when I am okay. I have been like that since I first got ill at the age of 25.

I have a history of depression but none are like generic depressions. A lot of it has to do with my ASD and the associated social struggles. I don't always know how I feel. I can usually identify the basic emotions such as anger and sadness. The more subtle emotions are a lot harder. Sometimes I feel like I have no emotions. It is as if I am mentally flat.

Dissociation doesn't sound like what is happening to me. I don't lose time nor do I have a history of abuse/trauma.

I know people with ASD can appear to be manic especially if they develop a new obsession because every waking hour can be devoted to it. Emotion regulation can be hard for them too. If they feel any kind of strong emotion it can be hard to return to baseline. This is very different from BPD because it is not triggered by fears of abandonment. A new obsession is enough to trigger it.

well he isn't set up in the system yet but I will be able to check once that happens....and he mentioned inpatient when he got of the bus last time but it didn't register to me until I saw him....

I can see how it's trying to be helpful, but by giving people who function better or recover a 'nicer/more hopeful' prognosis, they are distorting the pic for everyone else with it. Ie if the ⅓ or ¼ of people with sz who recover were all reclassified with something else, then the sz prognosis just got a lot worse because you will NEVER recover and, if you somehow do, then you never had sz in the first place. I've seen that a lot with people who are high-functioning who 'come out' and everyone then doubts they really have sz or sza.

Why don't you really talk? Could you try harder to open up? It's hard with someone new, I'm struggling with T, but it's for our own good in the end, so I keep telling myself...

Yeah I coloured inpatient cos I was bored and there was nothing to do except watch nonsense daytime tv, so I can see how you get bored of it. I normally rotate my activities at home.nso try colouring, then music, then TV/DVD, then reading, card making etc so it's never just one thing all the time cos I have a short attention span lately lol

*Willow*

Willow - I guess I could look into self defence classes, as long as its not to far to travel anyway.
It takes a long time to get good at martial arts though.

I've been told bipolar can be mistaken for schizophrenia especially if the mood symptoms are subtle.

Negative symptoms are not a part of bipolar especially when the person is stable. At least this is what I have observed in others that I personally know with Bipolar 1.

I don't understand how people get diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. There are people on PC with that diagnosis who have minor psychotic symptoms compared to me. One got that diagnosis for hearing music. I just don't get it.

Well I can't look back on roll call busy with kitten. I have to watch him bc he was fixed and he's not supposed to play or jump for two days, which is hard, lol. He's full of energy.

So I had an emergency appt with my psych nurse. She was extremely concerned. I've been taking massive amounts of meds to sleep, old ones blah, blah. So I'm going off some and just taking seroquel and loraz, and visteral for sleep now. We are changing over to Topamox for ms. She said the amount of doxepin, and visteral I was taking can be fatal. So I'm on 2 weight gainers now...Ugh. But I've got to trust her. I'm getting rid of all the meds I've accumulated, drs orders, my sister is picking them up. She also said I could have fainted or had a really bad seizure as well. So I've got to trust her. I hope I sleep. I did sleep 7 hours last nite but I took mass amounts of visteral and doxepin. I just can't handle not sleeping. Please universe, let me sleep tonight...

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing ok.

I love, love my new baby. His name is Jaden Blackfoot then my last name. He's a cuddler. A pure sweetheart. newus I hope ur taking ur meds... we care about you.

I know what you mean. So many of the people here who are dx'd with schizoaffective have very mild psychotic symptoms. I don't get it either. That's another reason why I don't post there much because the people there seldom talk about psychosis, which strikes me as odd.

It's not me she just wants me to fill the surveys then we talk about the highlights of the surveys----it not like how are you what is going on in your life like last pdoc....I can't really control the convo when she has an agenda.

Yeah that's what is also odd she said I was having negative symptoms.....

By some small miracle I have jumped the therapy waitlist and have a T appointment next Tuesday.

Lol I'm a daytime tv junkie... Love to watch Steve Wilkos show and Maury show and even dr Phil show. That's if the tv was free of course and they let us watch those kind of shows.

I met a woman when I was in the hospital who claimed to have bipolar schizoaffective disorder. She was nothing like all the others I have met with the disorder. She was coherent, social and clean when she was in the hospital. She even started a relationship with another patient who was in there after he broke up with his girlfriend. It turns out she was full of **** because she was admitted every single year around Christmas time. What a convenient mental illness. Perhaps she really had bipolar disorder or SAD.

Cases like this frustrate the hell out of me. It was worse when I was younger because all I seemed to attract were personality diagnoses. After that no one ever took me seriously or my complaints were minimized.

I have a psychiatrist who doesn't want to give me a concrete diagnoses because I attend university part-time. The only thing she told me is that I have a psychotic disorder on the schizophrenia spectrum. She knows I struggle with looking after my apartment, eating properly and motivation. I don't work. How disabled do I have to be to be taken seriously? I know I have to develop an acute psychosis one more time.

Awesome. I'm also wanting to get into counseling. Hopefully I can get into it at the mental health clinic I'm at.

By dissociation I didn't mean losing time or full blown DID. It's a spectrum like most things. Sometimes I get low grade depersonalisation & derealisation when I'm really stressed and it can be hard to know what exactly I am feeling. Lately I doubt my understanding of my emotions and I find it hard to tell what's happening. The obvious ones when I cry or want to punch something are easy, but the rest of the time I mostly have no idea.

Well fingers crossed...

Yes, but it is a skill for the rest of your life then. You don't even need to become a black belt, just learn enough that you feel confident in your abilities to protect yourself should the need arise

Idk...maybe they just don't talk about everything on PC. I know I don't list every thought/feeling/symptom I've ever had or am having, so maybe it looks like I'm whinging for nothing?

Yeah, that would P me off!

YEY! Hopefully they're a good one and they help

*Willow*

i just talked to my therapist on phone!!! she said i can give her a hug when she goes!!! i didnt bother asking about cards or anything because i think thats too much that she probably cant take.

she wants me to get approved for the ACT team she said.

im so glad i got to talk to her!!!