[junkDNA]

super kitty to the rescue!!!

[Sometimes psychotic]

Thanks for starting it

Originally Posted by junkDNA

super kitty to the rescue!!!

Lol..................

[junkDNA]

you're welcome

work was ok. this woman bought like 7 cases of beer. she felt the need to tell me that she wasn't an alcoholic..... wow.

found out T has to reschedule our appt on friday. so we are meeting on sunday instead. he is going out of town. it kind of bothered me cuz just yesterday he said friday was cool and fine. but today all of a sudden he had to reschedule. i told him how i felt. that it didnt feel good when things change all of a sudden but that i understand that he has a life and all i just wish i could know these things in advance. he said he completely understood and that i was right and he was sorry, that his plans changed and it was last minute. so we worked it out!!!!!!!! as always....

I slept a little into my son woke me when he got back from work.

Gonna probably take a zyprexa and more benadryl. I see my psych nurse tomorrow....

Originally Posted by junkDNA

you're welcome

work was ok. this woman bought like 7 cases of beer. she felt the need to tell me that she wasn't an alcoholic..... wow.

found out T has to reschedule our appt on friday. so we are meeting on sunday instead. he is going out of town. it kind of bothered me cuz just yesterday he said friday was cool and fine. but today all of a sudden he had to reschedule. i told him how i felt. that it didnt feel good when things change all of a sudden but that i understand that he has a life and all i just wish i could know these things in advance. he said he completely understood and that i was right and he was sorry, that his plans changed and it was last minute. so we worked it out!!!!!!!! as always....

How do you know that she is an alcoholic? Could of been for a party or something...

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by sunshine1995

How do you know that she is an alcoholic? Could of been for a party or something...

well i dont know if shes an alcoholic. she said it was for "the race" which i guess means NASCAR (i live in the south). i didnt say anything to her about it. i dont really think shes an alcoholic it was just a LOT of beer. 100$ worth. ive never seen someone buy that much!!

This vid made my hands sweat just by watching it.... May trigger a fear of heights so I'm unsure as to whether or not I should make the symbol on this post. I will go ahead though.

Originally Posted by junkDNA

well i dont know if shes an alcoholic. she said it was for "the race" which i guess means NASCAR (i live in the south). i didnt say anything to her about it. i dont really think shes an alcoholic it was just a LOT of beer. 100$ worth. ive never seen someone buy that much!!

Oh, ok I understand.

I only have 2 zyprexa left. I need more, that's my go to med when I'm feeling this crazy. I'm gonna see if my psych nurse has samples tomorrow.

[Sometimes psychotic]

My lumosity score has dropped 25 points since starting meds....it had actually increased by 50 points while I was hearing things....I seem to be smarter while psychotic like it's adaptive for me....but I'm more functional while not psychotic...

Check ur mail sometimes...

[KUREHA]

I think my nurse doesn't want to see me anymore, it's 3 weeks when I last saw her, I guess she's sick of me talking about gang stalking or she is profiling me with the police.

I slept about 4 hours. My cat tiger clawed at my lip and woke me up. I think I'm gonna just put him outside on the balcony at night.

Still struggling....

Originally Posted by junkDNA

awww thanks!!! i went through a period where i questioned everything. i think it was part of my psychosis. i was analyzing EVERYTHING. i try not to do that anymore but sometimes i find myself doing it and it stresses me out

I'm questioning everything the last few months so that's why I relate to your quote. Opinion seems to be divided as to whether it is psychosis or existential in origin for me. What made you think yours was psychosis? And what helped stop it for you? It is certainly anxiety-provoking for me too, and questioning the questioning just makes my head hurt :/

The noise is soooooooo loud today. I think that it's the loudest that it's ever been, but then my memory isn't great anymore so idk? The only thing is that I don't know what I did wrong this time?? It was just really loud when I woke up... The good thing is that I managed to get up at a decent hour today despite little sleep, and I've done a few jobs that I've been putting off all week.

I read in the last roll call about how effective people found Zyprexa/olanzapine... That was one of the meds Uni pdoc wanted to try next, but then I moved...I've been thinking about taking meds again...even my anti-psych T suggested meds last session!...I was even researching orodispersible olanzapine last night, which *might* reduce the weight gain vs oral tablets (mixed results: less weight gain vs no difference)...but I also feel like it's completely pointless because meds haven't really helped in the past, and I don't even know if the stuff I'm dealing with is 'medical', and I think my GP would be uncomfortable prescribing me anything anyway...and I really don't want to get any fatter!

I was talking about it to my brother today and he seemed to think that simply exercising would magically fix everything (lol), but we all know that doesn't happen! APs (and a lot of ADs) just make me fatter and too apathetic to fight the never-ending sugar cravings and/or move my body, let alone exercise properly...idk...

I don't want opinions on what I should do (i.e. take meds or carry on as I am) because I need to figure it out myself, but how did you guys actually make the decision to not/take meds? I've tried doing a pros/cons list, which usually helps, but I'm so indecisive that I keep talking myself out of every decision... Or maybe it was just obvious that you needed meds? And if it's not obvious to me, then I don't really *need* them??? IDK...sorry, I'm rambling I have my review session with T later (we originally agreed to meet for 6 sessions and review to see where we would go from then), and I'm trying to distract myself from worrying about that :/

*Willow*

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

My lumosity score has dropped 25 points since starting meds....it had actually increased by 50 points while I was hearing things....I seem to be smarter while psychotic like it's adaptive for me....but I'm more functional while not psychotic...

I find that really strange...when I'm more symptomatic, I'm less functional and have more cognitive difficulties. When tested officially, my IQ had dropped 11 points, and I'm not as smart as you to begin with, but I was doing fairly well mentally at that point too, though was on aripiprazole/Abilify. But I've done unofficial IQ tests when I'm really struggling cognitively and been just above the cut off for learning difficulties! And I would imagine it was untestable when I was really bad/slow and in a catatonic stupor. So it varies hugely for me, but I've never felt my cognition has ever improved above baseline. Feeling stupid and confused most of the time is probably my most frustrating problem - I never appreciated how 'easy' thinking used to be :/

*Willow*

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

I'm questioning everything the last few months so that's why I relate to your quote. Opinion seems to be divided as to whether it is psychosis or existential in origin for me. What made you think yours was psychosis? And what helped stop it for you? It is certainly anxiety-provoking for me too, and questioning the questioning just makes my head hurt :/

The noise is soooooooo loud today. I think that it's the loudest that it's ever been, but then my memory isn't great anymore so idk? The only thing is that I don't know what I did wrong this time?? It was just really loud when I woke up... The good thing is that I managed to get up at a decent hour today despite little sleep, and I've done a few jobs that I've been putting off all week.

I read in the last roll call about how effective people found Zyprexa/olanzapine... That was one of the meds Uni pdoc wanted to try next, but then I moved...I've been thinking about taking meds again...even my anti-psych T suggested meds last session!...I was even researching orodispersible olanzapine last night, which *might* reduce the weight gain vs oral tablets (mixed results: less weight gain vs no difference)...but I also feel like it's completely pointless because meds haven't really helped in the past, and I don't even know if the stuff I'm dealing with is 'medical', and I think my GP would be uncomfortable prescribing me anything anyway...and I really don't want to get any fatter!

I was talking about it to my brother today and he seemed to think that simply exercising would magically fix everything (lol), but we all know that doesn't happen! APs (and a lot of ADs) just make me fatter and too apathetic to fight the never-ending sugar cravings and/or move my body, let alone exercise properly...idk...

I don't want opinions on what I should do (i.e. take meds or carry on as I am) because I need to figure it out myself, but how did you guys actually make the decision to not/take meds? I've tried doing a pros/cons list, which usually helps, but I'm so indecisive that I keep talking myself out of every decision... Or maybe it was just obvious that you needed meds? And if it's not obvious to me, then I don't really *need* them??? IDK...sorry, I'm rambling I have my review session with T later (we originally agreed to meet for 6 sessions and review to see where we would go from then), and I'm trying to distract myself from worrying about that :/

*Willow*

You know I've never understand what makes u think u might have psychosis. But if u hear a loud noise that nobody else does then I think u should consider it.

Also, if u don't mind sharing, what are some of your other symptoms?

Why did they think u were faking?

As you might know, I have bp 1 and severe, chronic PTSD. I went into a psychosis and since then I have been open to taking aps. I did go off them for a couple months, but things have gotten bad again and so I'm taking them again. I take them bc I deal with feelings of--paranoia, fear, not feeling safe, anxiety and unstable mood. Just to let u know though, I took a 5 mg zyprexa last night and about 4 hours later I was super hungry. Right before I took the zyprexa I had eaten a huge sandwich and like 4 cookies. Normally I would be good for the night. I then ate a turkey Marie calendars dinner, a can of bushs baked beans and a bowl of ice cream. even though the zyprexa helps very well for my mental health it just makes me too hungry. I've decided I'm just gonna increase my risperdal for right now. Risperdal makes me hungry, but nothing compared to zyprexa...

Anyway, hope I didn't make u uncomfortable by asking you those questions.

Atypical check ur mail....

[Loial]

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

I find that really strange...when I'm more symptomatic, I'm less functional and have more cognitive difficulties. When tested officially, my IQ had dropped 11 points

I too have started having more problems since my symptoms have appeared back... but then again, I'm more stressed & not sleeping well so those will surely play a part too. Apparently, on average, IQ drops 15 points for those with sz. I'd assume the same goes for all types of psychoses.

Rather irritating today... I've suddenly got a craving for cigarettes. Doing my best not to give in.

Originally Posted by Lawscot

I too have started having more problems since my symptoms have appeared back... but then again, I'm more stressed & not sleeping well so those will surely play a part too. Apparently, on average, IQ drops 15 points for those with sz. I'd assume the same goes for all types of psychoses.

Rather irritating today... I've suddenly got a craving for cigarettes. Doing my best not to give in.

Good job! I'm smoking like crazy right now. Normally a pack lasts me 3 days. Right now I'm going through a pack and a half...

Sorry ur struggling.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

I'm questioning everything the last few months so that's why I relate to your quote. Opinion seems to be divided as to whether it is psychosis or existential in origin for me. What made you think yours was psychosis? And what helped stop it for you? It is certainly anxiety-provoking for me too, and questioning the questioning just makes my head hurt :/


*Willow*

actually i think , for me, it was both. existential and psychosis. this was in 2012 when i was refusing to take my meds. it seemed to get better once i started my meds again. so thats why i think it might have been psychosis. i thought a lot about reality and what that means to me and to others.

[junkDNA]

classes are open today. feeling kind of nervous about it.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by sunshine1995

Good job! I'm smoking like crazy right now. Normally a pack lasts me 3 days. Right now I'm going through a pack and a half...

Sorry ur struggling.

Ditto. I don't know what's up with me, I feel perfectly fine. But I'm smoking like crazy. I wish I wasn't because it's seriously ****ing hot over here and I have to smoke outside... blah!

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

I don't want opinions on what I should do (i.e. take meds or carry on as I am) because I need to figure it out myself, but how did you guys actually make the decision to not/take meds? I've tried doing a pros/cons list, which usually helps, but I'm so indecisive that I keep talking myself out of every decision... Or maybe it was just obvious that you needed meds? And if it's not obvious to me, then I don't really *need* them??? IDK...sorry, I'm rambling I have my review session with T later (we originally agreed to meet for 6 sessions and review to see where we would go from then), and I'm trying to distract myself from worrying about that :/

*Willow*

For me I can't sleep without APs----stage I of my psychosis pdoc basically tricked me into seroquel as a sleeping med----then I went off due to a reaction----but then the voices got bad---not more frequent just bad content----I was supposed to be the 3rd horse of the apocalypse just because there was thunderstorm----I asked the pdoc for something to stop the voices he gave me risperidone.

Stage II 3 weeks ago, actual hallucinations are trivial but can't sleep----for me it's always the sleep----as you no doubt know, being unable to sleep is terrible and messes with your functionality in a number of ways. My pdocs will not start with sleep meds they start with APs....

My feeling is I feel better on the meds so I'm going to take them unless that changes---why torture myself?

I smoke in my bathroom usually. It has a really good fan in there that sucks up the smoke.

That sucks that it's so hot. I'm just feeling really anxious, exposed, vulnerable, paranoid and unsafe right now. Leads to me smoking more...