Roll Call 37

How odd I'm in the north east and it's lovely here. I hope whatever your having isn't coming my way!

I'm in the NE of the states and it's raining cats and dogs here. Our weather tends to travel west though.

It's been overcast & grey here, even with a bit of rain... but that's not exactly anything out of the ordinary up here...

I just went through that. Why won't your Dr give u any? Mention trazadone, amitriptyline, doxepin. Those are all non addictive, just really old drugs. See if he'll give u some of those.

I'm good, just played a little with the kitten. I think he's bored here though. At my sisters he had 2 other 6 month old kitties to play with.

It's fairly nice out here this morning.

I have a good friend with sz. She's having a really hard time. She just completely isolates herself when she's hearing voices or hallucinating. I haven't heard from her in weeks. It sucks, but she warned me this could happen. I wish she'd allow me to help her but she said she didn't want me to see her in that state...

yesterday when i was at the pharmacy they said it was too early to fill my meds. then they said to call them when it was close to being out. and i was like "its out already" and the woman was a being a ***** to me. she looked at me with big eyes and paused and then said "well you mustve filled them SOMEWHERE else." i said "this is my only pharmacy...". then i was just like "dont worry about it". i was so pissed. im still pissed.

If it were me, I would wean myself off the xanax and take one or several of the drugs I listed to chickenfoot. I think on benzos you're always gonna have a hard time. Imo, best to get off them. I have to take several non addictive meds for sleep.

Nothing works like benzos but when you're without them, or trying to get them it can get hellish fast. I agree, try to wean off them. (Before some idiot forces you off them against your will.)

i guess... *sigh*

ugh. my cousin keeps posting pics of black people being lynched so i questioned him about why he does that. and some chick was like "why hide the truth? i show my children". and he basically went off on me and thanked her for supporting him. im like wtf?

I'm scared

So confused about reality

I'm broken and everyone is difting away

i think im becoming a hateful person.it bothers me i guess.i just dont want to be around people anymore.because all i feel is angry and i have mean thoughts about them.of course i would never say it.i keep it in my head.idk what this is though.it seems to be getting worse.

I am kinda similar in a way at the moment. I find that I come across as very cold because of my lack of emotion & finding it hard to talk to people. Add to that my general mistrust & I feel I'm just not the same towards people in person anymore.

Maybe you need to open up to a close friend or relative, maybe if they can understand that these thoughts are part of your illness, they will be someone you can confide in & not push away.

Well I'm too emotional but I don't really like a lot of ppl. I used to be really, really bad when I was working my last job. I felt I was around just idiots and told the boss off and got fired. But honestly I still don't like many ppl. I'm just better about it since I've been medicated...

I do hope to slowly regularly be around ppl again. It may just be a phase junkdna...

That's why I generally don't post on the bp forum. They are so dramatic and always fighting amongst each other. I'm still really emotional but not as dramatic. It annoys me. I wish I could relate better to them.

There has been several times that I said "I hate people" when I worked in retail. You get that with grocery stores in general. You find people from all walks of life and not all of them are friendly. Some are just complete assholes. Lol the store I use to work at had a lot of old people shop there. Old men would stare at my breast and the old ladies for some reason were always cranky. I would just say to myself... they're just cranky because they're going to die soon. For some reason that cheered me up about them.

I hated working retail for just those reasons Erti... bar the breasts part of course.

I once had some lady telling me off, so my boss came along & put them in their place saying I was a model employee. Still doesn't make it any less off putting having to deal with people who are fundamentally in the wrong or just rude.

ugh i gained 1 pound and i been eating around 500 calories for 2 weeks. sometimes under.

That's the problem. Your body thinks it's starving so your metabolism slows down. Eat protein and start exercising for best results.

i have protien powder. thats all i have.
exercising im general has never been my forte. man...

You have to be more active to kick your body back in gear. I know it sucks. I have serious weight to lose so I'm in worse shape... It sucks.

today is such a slow day

Not for me, it flew by because I got up late again. I hate that.

well im home alone for the next 5-7 days and ive barely been sleeping at night so the days are drawn out longg.