roll call 43

I hope you can start getting more support, you deserve that.

thanks atypical. im sick of having been under her care since august and only seen her about 5 times

Well... How about them buckeyes? Ohio state university won the national championship. Not much of a sports fan but cool I guess.

i want to kill myself right now.

i wont see my therapist for another month again. she didnt give me more appts. then today she talked to my dad like i wasnt even there. she tried to get information out of him that she couldnt get out of me. my dad doesnt know everything about me. effing b**tch.

effing a-hole.

I TOLD HER ABOUT MY HALLUCINATIONS. ****HER. ****HER. **** HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

my worker is coming 2day

sorry im just sick of this. its been 6 months or so and still havent gotten what i needed from therapy. i mean honestly i first need more time or more appts. ugh!!!

Maybe next time go without your Dad? Then she'd have to talk directly to you.

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she wont let me do that. she asks my dad always be there with me. i dont think shell see me without my dad.

Try. Go without your father and see if she will talk to you. This has been going on for months, the worst thing that could happen is she wouldn't talk to you, but in that case, just be prepared and don't get angry. Anger is your enemy when you deal with her.

Not feeling so well. My meds aren't working for some reason. My anxiety is through the roof. Im having panic attacks about every night. I don't know what's going on. I see my PDoc today. this isn't good. It's wearing me thin. I'm starting to get suicidal thoughts. I can't live like this. The game plan needs to shift.

I hope your pdoc can help. Lots of hugs.

First full day in my flat & it's been quite a good one, other the fact my voices are a bit louder for being alone all the time.

Ended up going to bed at 7:30pm last night... Hope these meds are going the same way as Amisulpride did otherwise I might need a change. (sleeping all the time) Still awake though and it's 7:30, so bit later tonight at least!!

Strange, I wonder what they mean... I have those sort of nightmares too. As it happens, I have a baby tooth still because there is no adult tooth above it... so sometimes in the next few years I'll have a tooth falling out...

Sorry to hear about yours though, must have been a bit panicking.

My care coordinator and a member of the crisis team came to visit me today. They tried to convince me to give up my blade. I refused to give it up. Then they said I can either call my team or the crisis team if I ever feel like doing more than just hurting myself. My care coordinator is going to visit me again on Thursday ad a member of the crisis team is coming to visit on Sunday. They won't leave me alone.

Thanks Loial. It is. I couldn't get out today because I have to do a bunch in order to go and I couldn't get much done. Anyway, it feels like I'm running a fever which often happened even before this so I won't freak out too much. The dreams, I've heard they're about losing autonomy and power. I guess that's the cycle I'm in now.

They're worried about you hurting yourself. Lots of hugs.

The tour went well and I went to the disability office. I didn't mention what I have, but my friend said GAD so they gave me a disability housing form to fill out. My friend said I'm most likely going to get my own room without a problem so I'm hoping that will be true.

the thing is if i go without me dad then yea she will prob tell me to come back in with him and then she will reschedule me and ill be out of an appointment for ANOTHER month or more. shes actually seeing me every 6 weeks or so. more time than ever 4 weeks. its over a month.

she actually didnt want to give me more appts and i was confused a bit because idk how she thinks that seeing me every 5-6 weeks for 30 min works. my pdoc said that i absolutely need more appts than just once a month. and then she tells my dad the therapy isnt working because i dont talk enough and all this BS. but does it occur to her that perhaps we arent making any progress because theres such a lapse of time in between appts and im only seen for 30 min during those sessions...does she realize that maybe thats why its not working? its so stupid.

this is just... and absolutely awful situation im in for getting care. its like the care i was getting when i was first diagnosed...very little care.

im literally getting the bare minimum and they dont care. they just dont care about me. they dont care to give me even a little bit more care. this has happened to me time and time again. part of me gets it...its a horrible system and theres almost nothing i can do about it.

but then part of me doesnt get it. like why? they know my history and what im like now and they just...they dont give a crap.

like this is all im ever going to get. literally.

If she tells your father you aren't talking enough, then you have to be more proactive and speak up about what's on your mind, but not in an angry at her way.

i didnt know i was talking so little. to me im actually talking alot so what am i supposed to do? i shouldnt have to cram everything into a less-then 30 min session and expect to remember what i talked about 6 weeks later. i think im talking a lot and then my dad comes in too.

the whole situation doesnt make sense and i think its very half-a$$ed to expect me to talk more to supplement the fact that i only see her for 30 min a month. thats very crappy therapy. and i personally dont think i should be held responsible just because im the one on the crappy end of totem poll. you know?

im the one paying her. im paying her salary or her month to month. however it comes to her.

It isn't an ideal situation for you at all. You should have the ability to have a quiet moment here and there while you're with her. Unfortunately they're only letting you have these short sessions. But she might not see why you need more time if to her you seem quiet. Speak up next time and ask if you can have more frequent sessions. You never know. My guess is she's booked solid with clients because the system is overloaded. It isn't fair, I know. Is there a bigger city near you where you could get a different therapist?

yea i feel like shes just trying to make money and doesnt care. my dad already asked her for more time for me because shes denied me many time for more time. but i cant get more time until 6 weeks from now she said and only then ill see her for 30 min two times and idk how long thats gonna last. the next biggest city is only a quarter of a million people there and thats wow still 30 min from me. actually no one for 40 miles accepts my insurance. oh well. i might either have to not get a new one or pay 75-100 dollars a month out of pocket for one. which i cant afford that much but only one time a month so its like im still back in the hole.

im gonna try harder to talk more. idk how because i think im talking a lot already. physically talking does NOT come easy to me.