roll call 43

Omg, you're so funny. Yeah they absolutely must have a penis. Yeah race doesn't matter, but my city is like 97% white. Most Hispanics here are from Pasco or somewhere from that area and I find I don't have much in common with them. I would completely date somebody smarter than me. That's actually a must or at least as intelligent as me. And they have to have the same basic views as me, which is extremely hard for me to find in this city....

To be fair chicago is a lot bigger pool than where you live....did you message any guys you liked....

Well my bp greatly impacts my life. Greatly. And the ptsd too...

If someone was working and driving, having a mental illness would be more easily accepted by others because it isnt preventing them from leading an otherwise (mostly) normal life. I think it's the trifecta of all three that is so daunting. To make matters more complicated the disability benefits I'm on are withheld if my partner works more than 30 hours a week, so I've always got that in the back of my mind. Unless i can return to work, I need someone who is also on benefits.

Honestly, lol, i think life would just be too easy without all these complications and I would find it boring. At least with these things to worry about I'm not out causing disruptions and misbehaving like i used to when i was younger.

Lmao newtus you're too funny.

Yeah, that's a good way to look at it. I was pretty wild when I was younger too, lol. But oh, sometimes I feel like a complete loser...like I'll never find the friends and men I want now that this disorder has caused so much havoc....

How does disability know you have a partner If you're not married?

OK forgot about all the cctvs over there....never mind.

haha, no i meant living together partner not just a dating one. I prefer to be living with my partner though, eventually, and not just dating. I realize that is a bit of putting the cart before the horse but its an eventuality i cant help thinking about. im not that keen on dating just for kicks any more so it all kinda gets wrapped together. if i wasnt looking for something long term none of this would bother me I could just go out and have flings and only reveal what i wanted to.

lol to be honest i didnt ANY guys. tooooo scarrrreeeeed.

but dallas has TONS of people. but DALLAS has tons. obviously the EXACT place i live has only i think 600-700 people and then the next city over has quite a few but i noticed on OKCupid that almost all the people that it said in my area were mostly in or very close to dallas. so mainly in dallas county and then quite a lot in collin county (which is the county IM in. BUT im edge of the county and closer to the county that borders oklahoma than dallas county.

but i was surprised that i saw like maybe 5-7 people that were actually really close to me. and then i think 3 or so guys that actually were in this actual town that im actually in. but yea...

idk about what other peoples benefits say but i lose my disability if i get married. completely. unless my husband has benefits.

Why are you so scared?

That seems totally unfair to me...both what you and Neil w are saying, perhaps it will be the next rights movement?

We need a symbol or something to support this...

Yeah I don't want flings anymore either. And these damn meds have taken my sex drive away. Not completely but it's nothing like it used to be. But on the other hand I've been told I was hyper sexual...I don't know. I think a normal sex drive is more than what I have now.

im terrified of people in general so lol its the same but amplified a bit with dating.

idk i think a rights movement for that would be very small. i assume its been that way for decades?

idk ugh i just im not gonna seek out someone who has benefits though just so i can keep mine. ive thought a couple of times about not getting married but then im thinking like i see what they are trying to do. its weird because i never thought about marrying anyway but it did make me think about that issue in my life.

its like its so easy to just continue to live on benefits but im so scared now...a lot of me wants to make my own money in life but part of me doesnt think i can. its so easy to goto school on your own time and get some sort of degree but when it comes to most jobs thats just a completely different story. and if you lose that job youll have nothing. youll never lose your schooling.

Man it's snowing tons here. And it's gonna be snowing they say for days....I hate it!

I don't know autism rights activists have done great...it may be small but powerful....

We finally got 46 degrees today after another polar vortex it was a huge relief....

It's 33 today. I just absolutely hate winter. Wish I could afford to live in southern California...

Yeah don't we all...I love california.....

Fighting anxiety tonight. It would be a panic attack except for the Klonopin 1mg I took earlier. When my Lexapro 10mg (SSRI) kicks in it will be bitter sweet. Goodbye panic attacks, depression and shyness, hello frustration, emotional numbness and rage issues. Not to mention my drinking problem will arise again. I wish there were a separate subforum for coping with being on an SSRI. It's so difficult. What this stuff does to my consciousness is barbaric. I can be such a shy, gentle, sweet guy, but put me on an anti depressant and I'm a confident, irritable, machine, who reaches for alcohol so that I can feel some kind of emotion.

When my doctor said I had to go back up to 10mg I cried on my drive home. That's how bad I hate this stuff.

have you guys heard about that movie called Unfriended?

Unfriended (2014) - IMDb

omg i love movies about online friends. i just saw that movie called Men Women and Children. I highly recommend it. its about how different parents and their children live different aspects of their lives through the internet. it deals with everything from love to online friends to mental illness...and a suicide attempt :/

Men, Women & Children (2014) - IMDb

I then fell asleep after I wrote that. Been sleeping since then. I didn't expect to be sleeping for daayss

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yeah I'm not on an AD anymore. It was causing too much anxiety and manic symptoms. Maybe an snri would be better? For me those send me straight into angry manias. But it may work different for you.

I'm so drowsy from that add on mood stabilizer. Having dizziness when standing as well.

I'm gonna go take a nap...

Hope everyone has a good afternoon/evening.