Roll Call 49

Slept for way too long, ughh now I feel groggy and tired. Might head out to the pub but the weather is miserable #firstWorldProblems.

I'm feeling paranoid today. I have to go out to the store and I'm having serious anxiety about that.

im having a lot of anxiety. idk whether i need to throw up or cry. i feel horrible. it doesnt help that im at my moms house either. i feel like total crap.

Remind her what she told you. "Remember when you told me to mind my own business about your drinking? I'm an adult now, and I think you should mind our own business about what I do "

there has been a few times where my anxiety has been so bad that my knees felt like they went out and i collapsed on the floor just crying in a ball. i remember this happening at home before and in college.

Good morning..!

I ate ten packets of sucralose and thought I couldn't get enough of it. Then the concerta kicked in and I don't even want my nicotine inhaler.

It rains nicotine in this hospital. Everyone smoked before they were admitted. Weird how it relates to psychosis because I think most are here because of psychosis.

We share the pain of recovery together. But we need ciggies. Lots.

Good morning! It's my first day of eating healthier, just taking things one day at a time, my reward for myself if I stick to it throughout this month will be the new tattoo I want

Are you allowed out for a cigarette yet?

My main problem with hospital was that I couldn't smoke or vape, made my anxiety much worse. Though they used to have this tiny room on the ward where you could smoke. It was covered in graffiti and there was only a tiny fan ventilating the room, no open windows. There'd be about 5 people at a time smoking in it, it was pretty disgusting so they closed it lol.

Lol that made me laugh: * cigarettes but this girl said do I smoke and I said ya but at that time i wasn't allowed out. I am now though. I seem to be huffing 30 cigs worth of nicotine a day but I think they're going to keep me here for another week.

It's so so sunny outside!!! Amazing!! I can't wait to be let freee!!

theres only one hospital in dallas that lets you smoke. its a 8x8 ft approx. gated patio. theres gates on the side and on top of the patio. so its outside but gated. and extremely tiny. theres two benches inside. the patio is so small that peoples knees sitting on both benches touch each other.

each ward in that psych hospital has its own smoking patio besides the adolescent ward. but they are all small.

I feel like a black hole of neediness lately. My friend said my place looked worse but I don't know why. I have my vaping supplies, I have to watch a YouTube video to see how to do it.

back from my moms. have to get ready to go to work now.

today is my dads birthday. he would be 61 today. he died in 1997 when i was 10.

I'm going to skip my afternoon Concerta and just sleep all day

Good luck with your healthy eating blue bird. I find the easiest thing to do is make lots of small changes, like I've started using skimmed milk rather than semi skimmed and using half and half sugar in my tea. The little things really add up.

I lost more than 100 lbs (through healthy methods) and now I'm on Seroquel as well as Zyprexa...I don't know how long I can stand the idea of weight gain.

The smoking room I was on about was about the same size with a window you couldn't open, nasty it was but better than nothing. I think people have enough to deal with without being made quit smoking.

I was told to take advantage of the free nicotine while we're sick also at the start, you're not allowed to leave the unit.

They used to have government programs where you get a 1 year free cigarette replacement therapy when you leave the hospital.

In fairness to them here they offer you all the Nicotine replacement that your body can handle lol. I wasn't so bad off the smokes but it was really annoying hearing people give out about it and all the toilets had ash and cigarette buts all over the place. This particular hospital was in a rough part of the city and was a bit of a kip. Good doctors though which I think made up for it.

I stopped the patch because I don't have 24 hour cravings I just like the immediate hit of the inhaler and the gum.

I thought the nicotine inhaler would be like an asthma inhaler but with this you have to inhale hard and put effort into it which I guess makes sense.

Also you can still have the NRT for free even if you don't plan on quitting. Just said if I keep asking for them all the time like an addict they'll refuse.

The first time I took nicotine gum, I took too much and was so tired idk I think I was up for two days but I got these really insane closed eye visual hallucinations. Turns out that methylphenidate and nicotine are mild hallucinogens at uhh lethal doses..

Two girls said they find it interesting when I talk about Ireland

Winwin!

But nah I'm schizotypal.. I'm so used to avoiding people.

I think the abilify is making my eye sight long sighted and short sighted. I have to put the phone a meter away from me because everything is blurry. Isn't that an over 40 problem?

It could be my contacts I haven't changed them in a while

Today has been quite a whirlwind of potatoes, coffee, large amounts of people, and hurried dance pictures. I'm actually sitting down for the moment at a dunkin donuts, getting ready to go stomp on some boxes.

I can't see! I XANT SEE CLOSE UP. IT GOT 5x MORE SEVER

OFF TO LATUDA

SCRWW YOU ABILIFY

It's a rare side effect thy won't go away. Tbh I don't care actually because I was going to get laser eye surgery anyways for NEAR SIGHTED

Now I need contacts, glasses etc for long sighted too

I was twisting up so they injected me with cogentin which helped aomewhat

I've been working for several hours today on my assignments for my 2 classes. After tomorrow I will be completely finished with them

got my semi formal dress 2day i LOVE it lol<3333333