Roll Call 49

OMG just got done filming the NAMI commercial. everyone stood out in 30 degree weather in Dallas, TX for 3 and a half hours! my hands and feet were completely numb! For some scenes they had us take off our jackets and hats. It was drizzling too half the time.

i had a lot of fun tho!!! there was multiple takes before they said "THATS A WRAP!". probably like 20 or 25 takes or more. i got to see how a commercial is made and i was up front near the camera. we filmed in two different locations.

there was a camera on a crane and then camera men on foot and then a helicopter camera.

the commercial is gonna be aired in May because thats mental health awareness month. ill definitely show you guys the commercial when it comes out. they said they would have behind-the-scenes footage too.

Cool that is just awesome I'm so glad you got to do it....

im glad i did too!

i cant wait to see the commercial.
it was pretty brutal though! the director was like "i know its 30 degrees but try to act like its nice and sunny and warm texas weather".

then hes like "Ok. ...ACTION!" and then the camera on the crane goes into air and then the camera on the helicopter shoots from above.

and then we do as we are directed and then he says "CUT! Beautiful! Everyone back to your original places".

I have meh feelings about Ireland when I'm here and it's miserable, cold and we have a stupid government but when I travel abroad I'm so proud to be Irish

That's so awesome newtus. Good to see you out of your comfort zone and enjoying yourself

Were all the extras people with mental illness?

doin my hair 4 youth group 2night

Im on over ten different psychiatric medications.

I'm asking the doctor to prescribe THC or any type of marijuana like pls every now and then I get really pissed that I'm not allowed weed so I OD on alcohol or ritalin or risperdal etc to calm me.

I'm going to ask the doctor for legal marijuana .

Educate yourself before you ask. You want marijuana that is high in CBD, the THC is what 'they say' causes psychosis.

I made it through the day eating healthier

i honestly dont know. because i didnt talk to everyone. but i was and then i know another guy was. there was actually one person there that told me she was a therapist.

they had a call for 300 extras but there was prob only maybe 50-75 there maybe. but i was like "hey its ok maybe ill get my face shown?" haha omg.

but for one scene since they didnt have enough people they said they were going to clone us and change like the color of our shirts on the clones in editing.

They allowed me to smoke at the hospital I was at, only in a tiny room though but better than nothing. Honestly I think that a lot of people with psychosis smoke just to get over stress and symptoms, because a **** ton of people with psychotic disorders smoke and I'm one of them.

Would you be interested in getting into media, like promotion, production, infrastructure... and all the endless things you could do with media. Could be something to look into.

It's funny I hadn't smoked for 2 years prior to my first psychotic break and we pulled into the psych hospital I had been brought to and the ambulance driver said "do you want a smoke, they won't let you when you go in" and I was like yes...yes I do need a smoke. Coughed my lungs out but didn't care, now I care as I'm back smoking 20 a day. I do sometimes think if I wasn't psychotic at the time I would have refused the cigarette but I needed something.

I started smoking when my ocd first got really bad, when I was 14 or so, just something to calm me down. That was when I was like 14 or so, a few years before my first psychotic break. I don't smoke as much I used to at least, but it's still an every day thing. Hopefully gonna start transitioning to vapes soon.

yea possibly.
i mean i originally wanted to goto college for filmmaking.

the national director of communications for NAMI flew all the way out here from another state. idk where tho. i got to meet her.

i am like so tired and i got a headache. omg forreal.

like i cant even imagine how those actors felt. the main actor was dressed in just a suit.

ima be like "forreal?!" if i see the commercial and its 30 seconds long. cause it took 3 1/2 hours to film. it better be at least a minute long.

im just joking. but honestly...

It'd be worth thinking about, loads of really cool people do those sorts of courses I think you'd really fit in. Make some friends, your anxiety will be at it's max but I know you're a strong girl and you'll get through it.

aw thats sweet.
lol yea my anxiety would definitely be at the max.
i had anxiety before doing what i did today.
i had to take a xanax this morning.
but idk if it was because of this event because even tho i had anxiety it wasnt bad but then my mom gave me coffee and it ramped it up so bad that i was about to throw up and felt like i needed to use the bathroom. the coffee made everything worse.

That is SO totally cool!! I can't wait to see it

Soz when I'm agitated I get violent to myself with substances.

One of the doctors here is really nice. I could ask her to educate me about it in first person.

I'm twitching really bad from the abilify I hope it gets better. I was walking like a robot before they injected me with Cogentin.

I guess the need for old persons glasses is ok I can get contacts or laser eye surgery etc..

One thing for sure is, I don't need the zyprexa anymore ^^ They would rather give me benzos and increase the EPS of antipsychotics.

You need to learn to manage, maybe right out a list of things that make your anxiety/panic attacks worse (like coffee) and what makes them better.(taking a xanax, finding a peaceful area to relax after taking it. Stuff like that. If you're in control of it, it still may happen, but you'll be in control. That is key.

I'd love to see you physically go and do a class, just one class and see how you get on. Media shouted out to me because the people can be quite cool and you can make friends whereas computing and programming would be full of nerds like me who don't talk enough.

Stolen dance - milky chance

This song is great. Especially with my 300 dollar Bose earbuds
It never seizes to amaze me

I feel great that I'm not getting so agitated that I would have to take a zyprexa which would just increase the symptoms. Hmmm what symptoms? Well, Possibly turning into a wisted pretzel and everything else..

Hopefully I won't have another relapse when they discharge me and that I can leave the building safe and not paranoid and just overall symptom free almost