Safe Place

ohmygod it's horrible!!!!!! i'm sorry you had to spend so long here. i grew up in california so it was a complete culture shock when i got here. haven't quite adjusted to the fact that people just wear cowboy attire as part of their daily wardrobe. i live in a suburb about 20 miles from oklahoma city proper so i'm only just out there enough that the meager bus system doesn't reach me and i can't drive. Total Isolation

heyyy the person who wants to kill me came back!!!!! i'm so relieved. they want to cut me open and breed slugs in my belly.

Does music help?

They were watching me all day. I saw a couple of them following me too. Why. I don't understand what do they know that I don't.

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I have a movie
On right now to drown them out but it doesn't help much
They just get a louder
Phone brokeams can't play music on my headphones with i to now

I hope you'll feel better soon.

Thanks for reminding me this point chickenfoot, this fact makes me feel better

Last night I heard people talking. But I couldn't see anyone around. I heard some today as well when there shouldn't be talking...

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You could buy a cheap music device on craigslist. Or find a cheap phone. I have a cheap windows phone with a 128gig SD card. If I break it then Ill just spend $43 bucks again.

A relative has told me I need to move right away. They know my life is in danger here, too, now. I'm trying to figure out the best way to defuse this situation until I move. I guess by being as quiet as I can and withdrawing from active expression of complaints, etc. The psychos will probably leave me alone until I move. But if I don't move soon enough, they'll interpret my withdrawal as weakness and they'll ramp up their torture of me the moment they think I've done anything.

This is a horrible situation.

I hope you get to move soon, Angelique
I worry for your safety too

Angelique, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope that you find resolution quickly.

Thank you, Kori! I really appreciate that!

Thank you, Door!!!

They are having an active shooter drill at work, its really triggering for me.

I'm not easily triggered but I can imagine that to be quite the triggering play of events.

hugs for angelique and sometimes psychotic

Thank you, junkDNA!

They doused the wall of my apartment in the hallway with some awful smelling chemical. I think they're hoping I'll then open the windows so they can climb up here. The fumes are giving me a headache and stomach upset.

They had something planned for midnight that fell through. They were honking their car horn in short quiet honks starting at the moment of midnight. Whoever was supposed to respond didn't respond. I'm so tired I wish I could go to sleep. I don't know what I'll do.

^ I'm really to sorry to hear the stuff going on around your building is triggering Angelique...

Obviously, you are getting delusions/paranoia because of it but have you considered that maybe some of the things you are complaining about are hallucinations of one type or another? I mean, they might not be but are you sure all these noises/smells are real?

As far as smells go, it's probably either something like pest control or someone has had their apartment decorated. I know those can be a bit unpleasant sometimes but the smell shouldn't stay too long.

I don't know how high up you live, but can't you lock your windows open? Quite a lot of windows allow you to do that.

Whatever is going on though, I think you might want to talk over this with a p-doc or therapist or someone. However triggering your environment is, the meds don't seem to be controlling your paranoia at the moment...

Honestly, the chances of anything complex going on like that are infinitesimal. I hope you manage to get some rest...

Thanks, Loial, but it really is happening.

I have to agree with Loial here. You should get some feedback from a professional, reality check with someone.

You don't have to believe me. If I were delusional about this then I've never heard loud music or stamping and pounding, and I am less familiar with what they do than you are. I'm glad you know my life better than I do.

Christ, try not to be so offended. You suffer from schizophrenia with a history of hallucinations and delusions, it's very likely this is all in your head. I'm only trying to help. As was said what you're describing is a very elaborate plot against you, it seems really unlikely that it's actually happening. I'm not going to take part in any enabling as it can be more dangerous to reinforce what could very well be a delusion.

All I'm saying is... reality check with someone. What's the harm?

Oh look! Imaginary coffee! And imaginary food! I won't gain weight from it because everything I know is only really an hallucination!

Please stop, chickenfoot.