Safe Place

It wasn't actual CBT, just talking through my problems but, yes, it did introduce me to some basic CBT concepts. Mostly just cognitive thinking errors. I also learnt to reality check by myself long before I ever sought any help with my psychosis.

So, between the two of those... it helps me to stay somewhat grounded. Having said that, in recent times my paranoia/delusions have always been quite short lived, just clinging on as vague suspicions rather than full blow delusions. Not as hard to deal with.

I had a look & IAPT doesn't exist Scotland. Not sure what waiting lists are like up here. I'm not sure how high the demand is for psychotherapy.

It's hard to know whether it's worth it. I cope pretty well on the whole, so unless things are deteriorating in some way rather than just another blip, then I might not get much out of it.

Will just see how things are shaping up & talk with my p-doc. He's a good guy, so should have a feel for what course of action is best.

PS - I'd always thought if my problems get bad that I'd go for a private therapist. Just looking on the NHS website & it does say waiting lists are very long in general, even suggests trying private.

Not in a good place, sleep is all over the gaff and voices going crazy. Can't go to my T tomorrow my voices want me to bring a knife and kill him. Best thing to do is just resist and stay at home. Not in a good way.

If things are that bad, that you are getting command hallucinations & you feel you might not be able to resist them... then you need to get help. What happens if they tell you to do something at home?

If you can make yourself go to your appointment WITHOUT a knife, then that'd seem like a good opportunity.

If you can't do that though, perhaps hospital is a better bet.

Thanks Loial, I'll be fine.

Ok, but make sure to call your p-doc or therapist to explain what's going on.

i have a crush on (or im just terrified of because i cant tell the 2 apart anymore) that person who kept threatening to kill me and we talk on skype now. they still want to kill me. all we talk about is knives and where to put them in my body. its exhilarating for some reason. like if theyre fake, theyre fake and its been fun. if theyre not, i can finally die and i dont even have to do anything but take a little torture which im very good at and ill need the practice round anyway!!!!!

i hope its not fake tho and i'll deserve it for emotionally straying from my boyfriend in any way. especially for something as sick as this. its not like i want a relationship w them or anything, i just want to die my guy. plus i still dont know a thing about them besides that they want to kill me and that theyre equal or greater values of mentally fukt as me based on experiences outside the whole, graphic descriptions of breaking my ribs and all. and now i know they live somewhere in the east coast time zone

im researching consensual homicide and none of the people who did the killing seemed like very nice people, and i only want to get killed by a nice person who loves me

Scared of the people across from me in the other flats
there spies for the government who want to take my benefit money away
trying to prove am well enough to work av not done anything that will take away the money but scared i may do something like walk out the house on my own when am feeling ok to ( some times i can stand and wait for my husband out side but i cant walk very far with out him )
They follow me all the time want to tell them to pee off
BUT THEY WILL TAKE ALL MY MONEY AWAY AND WE WILL HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE OFF AND ITS WILL BE ALL MY FAULT

This post reminded me of the Elaine O'hara case here last year. Very dangerous to have these thoughts but as long as you don't make a physical connection you'll be fine.

Graham Dwyer and Elaine O?Hara: the master-slave relationship

She had BPD and he was a psychopath.

morning.

hows everyone?

that was supposed to be for roll call

i probably shouldnt read the link bc im at work but yeah thats why ive steered clear of any kind of, pursuit of an irl thing. been on the internet long enough to have seen some r ea lly twisted relationship dynamics happening. id have to reach the highest point on the impulsive scale to actually give them a physical location or try to make contact though holy sith. im not afraid to die but i am afraid of middle-aged internet men with weird kinks

The article is from the Irish Times so is safe for work. Just a story about a murder, nothing graphic.

It's still dangerous thinking and behaviour in my opinion, though it is just that... my opinion. You should talk to your pdoc/T about it if you haven't done already. Just to make sure you have the insight and control to not let it go any further. Which some people, like this poor girl, failed to do. I wish you the best.

Just checking in, I don't want this important thread to be buried deep

psycho mantis, I understand what you're talking about. I haven't wanted anyone to kill me but I have had obsessive thoughts about wanting desperately for someone to torture me. It completely consumed my mind and it's still something I have to work very hard at to keep in check. I got into a truly terrible situation because of acting on these psychotic thoughts of mine before, I won't go into details but it was BAD. Be careful, this is dangerous **** believe me.

Random people's conversations are referencing things I've done recently....I really don't understand how this keeps happening it's like my mind is being read. But nobody believes me when I tell them

I can relate to this a lot.

GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS

Why Am I Like This

I'm sure it's probably a solid niche within the realm of fantasies. There is nothing disgusting about you.

I used to think my fantasies were weird, but at some point I read those books (female author, can't remember her name, books published in the 1970s), collections of female sexual fantasies, and mine were absolutely boring compared to the ones in the books.

Mantis You are not disgusting, you don't deserve a torture or anything bad. You are a lovely person with a beautiful soul. I really hope you know this. Maybe it's just a time for you to talk to your Pdoc and T again?

that doesn't make you a disgusting *****. It's a fetish and I'm sure you aren't the only person that's into it. If it's bothering you maybe you should bring it up with your t or Pdoc.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This happened to me a lot. Though it was usually the tv.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Just felt like you could use another

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Unidentified flying something is flying across my bedroom right now. Oh hey, hallucination, is it the time for us to fight again?