Safe Place

Is it still there? I hope you're feeling better now.

Thanks Angelique, I slept after that and now they are gone. Feel way better but still sleepy

That's good news.

**** I'm being controlled and I can't make it stop. Out of my hands. That could have been the sands of time.

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I could have been a person. A real one. But alas, no such luck.

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the phantom "she" in every song on the downward spiral is trent reznor referring to and misgendering me. reptile is especially about me.

ive been reading articles about how no one can really afford to live anymore all afternoon. i really hope murder friend is real and serious. nothing gets better in this country. everything is just gonna get worse. i have something degenerative in my brain that i cant get taken out. its better im put down while i still function

Door2015 is an amazing person.

i will forever be her friend and help her in any way i can.

shes struggling right now. with her moods and job and not being able to spend enough quality time with her spouse.

did you know that she cares deeply for each and every one of you? she spoke highly of all of you.

to door

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Sending healing thoughts to Door.

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I'm really worried about you. I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

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I think I'm over medicated. I'm past sedated. I am up for awhile in the morning and then by 11:00 AM or so I am back in bed.

So right now it's either awake and floridly psychotic or half asleep or sleeping and still psychotic(according to support people not me).

I'm frustrated.

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^ I can really sympathize, when I was on Amisulpride, it got to the stage where on my worst days I'd wake up around 11, eat breakfast... go back to bed, get up at 1:30 for lunch, go back to bed, get up at 7 for dinner... then go back to bed until the morning.

It was beyond a joke. Probably went on for a month or so until I chose to come off meds altogether. (bear in mind it had taken a few months to progressively get to that point too) My symptoms weren't really all that severe then, so god knows why the ****** psychiatrist was hell bent on getting rid of my voices.

If nothing else, I learnt a lot about advocating for myself from that experience.

Thank you. It's just ridiculous. I've been through this before. I'll be calling my doctor, this is beyond over the top. Right now I'm making more coffee to stay awake.

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I think my meds are poisoning me. They are making me too tired. I could sleep my life away and I think that's the plan. To get me to sleep through whatever they have planned. I'm too compliant to stop taking them (I promised my kids I'd do everything in my power no to go back to the hospital ) so I take them despite how they make me feel. I'm tired. So tired of being sick. Is it possible the pharmacy is ****ing with me? I don't think it's my pnp. She's on my side. I just can't figure out why I'm so tired and what they have planned. Please god just let it be me and not the kids or my husband. I couldn't bear the thought of them doing something tio my family when I'm too tired to fight. I can't believe I'm going to hit send.

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Hi, ofthevalley. Are you on new meds now?

No still on the same ones. When I finish the Latuda I start back up the zyprexa.

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Oh, that's weird then that you would be so exhausted. Maybe you just need a lot more sleep.

You don't think it's poison? I'm really confused by this whole thing.

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Who would poison you? I very much doubt that it's that. Sorry, I'm having trouble thinking what to say. But I'm sure you're not being deliberately poisoned.

I don't know someone out to get me or my family. I'm sure you're right. I'm overreacting.

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I think it's probably normal to have days now and then that you just want to sleep all day.
ETA: I meant the general you, not you specifically.

I feel like I just can't take another minute of this. The isolation is making me feel desperate and their abuse has me wishing for you know what this minute.

Plus I'm wondering if some psychosis is back. I'm not sure if my 15 mg Abilify is from the same manufacturer as the 10 mg (I should check) but I'm not sure it's kicking in at all. And when I'm going to sleep and I hear the pos loud and clear in my ear, I'm not sure if that's something they figured out how to do or my leftover psychosis which still sometimes leads to hypnagogic hallucinations.

They are still triggering me every chance they get. I would rather be you know what instead of this.

I hear you. That's what I've been doing lately too. Just sleeping my life away.

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I hope it's not psychosis returning.

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