Safe Place

You're not stupid. I've been there. I'm sorry you're not doing good at the moment.

Thank you

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Hiding in bat cave again.. Isolation program started.

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I did it again . I don't even know why. When I was a kid I'd myself as I got older I started now it seems to have evolved. I'm so upset with myself. Ugh what if my kids saw me? Jesus I'm a waste lately.

I'm visiting my fil at the same hospital I was inpatient at twice. Anxiety to the max. Wish I could .

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Sorry you're feeling this way.

i wanna do that so bad too but i shouldnt.

I'm sorry you feel the same way too.

Thank you. I still maintain a bit of control at this moment. But that could change at anytime.

I'm sorry to hear that. It sucks.

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I would really appreciate some hugs, if that's ok. Things are quite hard right now. They're trying to blackmail me into taking olanzapine. I know they mean well, but the daily battle with the crisis team is exhausting. Though I don't want to be sectioned either. I'm starting to feel really trapped by it all

to everyone else that's struggling right now.

*Willow*

willow
how are they blackmailing you into taking the med???

((((Willow)))) praying it gets better!:

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huggggggggggggggggssssssssssssss

Thank you everyone for the hugs, I really, really appreciate them

"If you don't take your medication, you're going to end up in the hospital." I don't want to take it, but I can't go to the hospital either. I was supposed to go up to 5mg today, but I couldn't take it. Feeling really trapped. They mean well, but they're just making things worse

*Willow*

My bipolar symptoms are coming back. So I upped the dosage. I'm having serious SI's. I feel so trapped and numb.

How do I use trigger boxes on here?

[ trigger ] write here [/ trigger ]. Without the spaces

I hope the upped dosage helps

I'm waiting until my husband gets in the shower to

I'm sorry you're struggling with SI/SH Odysseus & Ofthevalley

Today has been a crappy crappy day. The crisis team are tightening the screws. I'm starting to think that they're deliberately trying to push me to the edge so they have an excuse to section me. People don't generally feel sui until they start feeling trapped. Constantly threatening me with a repeat of the most traumatising experiences of my life seem like a pretty good way to push someone to their limit! And how can I trust people who lie to me?!

I see pdoc again on Friday. Hopefully he will make them see sense!

*Willow*

Sorry this is happening. I'm hoping the pdoc helps you out willow thinking of you.

I am so ashamed right now. Yesterday I yelled, out loud at my greatest capacity, at my mother. Neighbors could hear it clearly. I yelled at her about her drinking, and babysitting drunk, I yelled at her to move her car (which was impossible in this snow), I tried to get at her deep. I ripped it.

I was manic rage. I tried to lower my dosage of Lamictal so I could retain more, memory wise, again. No, I need it at 375mg not 300. The Geodon increase didn't help with my bipolar episode so I went back up and I apoligzed to my mom over and over again. When I see my neighbors I'm going to apologize to them. My mom says its okay but that wasn't okay. No body should do that, especially to their mother...

What led up to it? My boss telling me to just take the day off. the snow I had to shovel that kept my heart rate up, the manic swing to rage. The SNRI which makes me not care if I hurt someones feelings, It was horrible. I yelled at her two times because she wouldn't move her car WHICH WAS IMPOSSIBLE. She can't even clean her car off with her hands there so bad with arthritis. Ill never be able to take that one away. Damn it.