Safe Place

So my mom said to try and be honest. psychiatrist said that crack cocaine is like amphetamine but not like methylphenidate so I'm off both stimulants for two weeks. We all see what is going on here. I'm pretty sure he put them in the wrong order as well. I'm really really wanting to stop these meds it's bs.

I can't think properly anymore.

I figure that it's going to be a complete mess. Complete disaster. I haven't even comprehend this right now. 2 whole weeks? Wtf and apparently the Prozac will still be in my system for 3 months and if I stop it completely, I could die from cardiac sudden death.

I'll give psychiatry ONE last chance. TO GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING. I'm not bipolar stop spinning the god damn wheel!! Leave me alone!!! I don't remember anything!! They're trying to help but they don't care unlike the psychiatrist in the hospital. I hate this.

Why my life has to be controlled they can all go **** themselves and it kills me that what I'm writing right now is probably a delusion.. I'm getting the Abilify shot on Tuesday for every 3 weeks. That should be enough to numb the brain and shut me up.

I'm stopping all my meds and refusing the injection. I want to start all over again. I thought my thoughts were treated with medication and well.. I don't remember what I was saying eh..

I'm sorry everything seems so messed up right now.

So you changed psychiatrists because the first one wouldn't give you Concerta and now the second one won't give you Concerta. So this is how you react? By refusing all other meds? Maybe they're right and you don't need it and shouldn't be on it in the first place? I'm sorry everything feels crap right now but medication isn't everything, you can function without stimulants. Plus the rule is you shouldn't be on them if you're prone to psychosis. Ever think that taking them and the abuse you undertake could be causing your psychosis?

The hospital psychiatrist gave me 90mg of Concerta but I chose Vyvanse because everyone said that it's better and paid for by disability. But now my new out patient psychiatrist says that Vyvase is more like crack cocaine and Concerta isn't so he's going to put me back on Concerta I think? I'll ask my psychologist in a minute.

As you said, medication isn't everything so I don't see why I should take them.

How should I react? I'll have to show them Because they don't believe that Concerta DOESNT effect my psychosis.

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Delusional irrational thinking aside, my psychologist explained to me that they want to get rid of the "Amphetamine" so that it doesn't interfere with the other medication changes that I'm having and then put me back on Concerta because the Prozac blocks the amphetamine and the amphetamine decreases the Cogentin which will increase the antipsychotic side effects.

They know what they're doing I just needed to be explained because I'm becoming more borderline with this. I was told by one guy that started Concerta while I was prescribed Vyvanse. He told me that the only problem was extreme anger from the stimulant effect.

Lmao wow I completely overreacted so bad that it's funny.

- Tweaky

I was psychotic before they put me on the Concerta. When they did, it made my negative symptoms really bad so I stopped taking everything until 3 months for when I felt better. Now I like the Concerta. It calms me down and takes away my negative symptoms and paranoia. Cocaine does the exact same thing. No one believes me. What happened to that "We're all different?" now??

I agree that Vyvanse (Amphetamine) may contribute to psychosis but I've only been on it for 3 weeks.

I'll just let it flow and take a passive phase and let things happen. But then I have no motivation at all. Doesn't look like I'll be graduating high school this year because I'm already way too behind. The bomb squad got disarmed.

That makes sense, I just didn't quite get what you where saying from your original post. But yeah, medication isn't everything, alot of people on rely on it way too much. I'm glad you're seeing a psychologist, that'll be good for you. I wish more people would take more of a psychological view on their difficulties instead of relying so much on meds.

I have no trouble believing this. I'm sure you know better than other people how it affects you (long term effects are more difficult to recognize of course).

I slap on pills and go on my way. Just how I am.

A lot of people are taking these drugs aren't getting any therapy. I basically asked to do crack earlier and asked for a cigarette when I was 9.

I've been going to therapy even before meds

I feel like people are trying to get me and watch me and making my life miserable.
Any body feeling the same? It's like people are happy why am miserable and do anything to make it worst.
And every time I think about something that make Me happy it's like they already know and try to ms me it seem bad for me

yes i feel this way about my neighbors

I have a shadow. It's a woman. She's in all black. Victorian style dress. She stands right behind me. I can see the sides of her from my peripheral vision as far as I can move my eyes to the side. I see her pale white hands and the arms of her dress and the sides of the bottom of her dress and her hair but if I tried to continuously tried to see her face, I would look like a dog chasing its tail. As soon as I turn to look at her, she moves just out of sight as I'm turning. It's making me wondering if I really want to see what her face looks like or why she's following me like a shadow. I've never had commanding hallucinations that I was compelled to do. It's only happened once she since first appeared a week ago. It's when I first started seeing her. I was trying to see her face, so I looked like a dog chasing its tail. She told me to stop. Her voice was so soft and send chills through my entire body that made me freeze.

I don't know what to feel or think. It slightly freaks me out knowing she's right behind me. It makes me on edge. I feel like she's going to attack me at any second. Or start making commands.

:/

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I'm sorry that so many are struggling. to all who want one.

Things are not too good here. I am very irritable for no good reason, and every tiny little thing makes me want to scream and/or smash something. It's horrible because I'm not like that at all usually. Well, "usually" is relative: recently I am irritable a lot, but generally, across my entire life, I don't consider myself like that at all. Also, They are trying to humiliate me and it's awful. I curl up in a little ball under my duvet and cry because I can feel them laughing at me.

I am trying to notice the few good things though. I ate an AMAZINGLY YUMMY carbonara yesterday, and there is some left over for lunch today too. And I watched a DVD called The Secret Life Of Bees yesterday, which I enjoyed, though I haven't read the book. It's not really about bees so much: The Secret Life of Bees (film) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia So it's not ALL bad, I guess.

*Willow*

Sorry you've been feeling so irritable, I have periods of time like that also. I hope it will dissipate soon, and that the feelings of people trying to humiliate you will stop.

I would have expected bees in that movie. I remember seeing a trailer for it and having been interested. I never end up really getting to see things in the theater, but I can find it on Netflix or redbox that would be neat. Keep noticing the good things, it's nice to hear about them.

Thank you Door. It's my own fault for going along with it (long story). I knew it would be humiliating, but I let my mum talk me into it, when I should've stood my ground. Hope is good, but that was just folly.

The women are beekeepers, so bees are in the movie (maybe they feature more in the book?), but it's mostly about their relationships with each other and the little girl. I really liked it, so I'd recommend it if you can get ahold of it somewhere.

It's the only thing that keeps me going.

*Willow*

Went back to risperdal and have breast issues again, but I'm stable. Idk if I should still stay on it or try to gamble with another med. Is excessive prolaction really that bad? Could I just take extra calcium to help with osteoporosis?

I've heard it's been linked to risks of breast cancer in the long term high prolactin levels. Not to worry you just something to consider

It's awesome how they are better able to predict when breast cancer will occur by looking at family traits of DNA alone I think.

it can make u lose your period and make u infertile

Im having my usual evening depression and I can feel the stress of it in my heart. I'm breathing heavily because of it. I don't see my psychiatrist until the 30th. It's not even thought driven, it's all biological. My ideas are pure and mind is safely distracted. I'm very good at compartmentalizing. I just don't know what the options are for this depression. This has got to be taking a toll on my heart.

God damn Windows added a process and a taskbar app that you can't remove so that my computer can be "ready for Windows 10". Well I don't want your crappy Windows 10, it's probably as stupid and useless as Windows 8, and I sure as ******* hell don't want your malware harassing me to buy your ****** spyware products. If it were safe I would download a pirated copy and not pay your useless Bill Gates money hoarding *** a cent. Damn evil corporations I seriously can't deal with this today.

Windows 8 is the devil. I feel like such an idiot when I use it as I'm so damn awesome working my way around Windows 7 and XP. Can't get used to it at all.

not to go off topic but yea windows 8 is the devil. if you want to talk about it on roll call. come over to roll call. unless its a psychosis issue...

Haha sorry I replied thinking this was roll call. Soz hun!

I feel as though my therapist, or any thing of the kind doesn't really helps much with biological disorders like I have. I do a little CBT a little DBT and then what? We talk about my ****** life that's slipping through my fingers.

Anhedonia, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, schizophrenia, suicidal depression, and bipolarII wont be solved by talking to a health professional. Should I bring this up to my therapist? Should I ask her how she can help me? Because I don't think she can prescribe me drugs. What do you people think?

Don't get me wrong, I love my therapist.