Safe Place

Just heard a crowd laughing and a presenter talking. In bed no tv on. Maybe it's an interception maybe my life is a game show. The Truman show. They bet on my life. Watching and listening.

Checked outside it's stormy there's no one there bf didn't hear anything. Nothing from flats. Interception. Interference. Conspiracy

well normally its helped through meds right? but youre on meds. arent you?

Can just hear faint whispering now

Now it's music. ****ing let me sleep!

Went to the follow up appt for the growth on my adrenal gland. Everything is fine. I can't stop thinking it a chip. Why do they leave growths inside you? GTFO of me.

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Happy everything is fine. I hate growths too. Particularly the grow part. I wish mine would GTFO too.

I feel like my psychosis is coming back very slowly, but coming back nonetheless. I'm off my oral tablets by my own choice and am only on the depot Clopixol every three weeks. I'm starting to get irritable and feel like people are reading my micro expressions of my face to a T. I'm uncomfertable, hearing voices again and have slight depersonalization going on. I wonder how further it'l; go without my meds.

Be safe Chicken.

If your T can talk to your pdoc (get one if you don't have one) she can provide useful input about your issues, which the pdoc can use in prescribing appropriate meds. Having a closely working team is really beneficial.

I feel like I'm floundering. I'm less and less able to deal with my life.

My vision is changing again I think. Having trouble focusing on the text on my phone. I feel like I might explode.

:sadhug;

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Thank you. I feel so unwanted today, that meant a lot.

Cogentin did that to me but I'm just living with it until/if the Abilify side effects go away on their own.

I hadn't thought of that, the meds maybe affecting my vision. Hm. My eyes are getting old and I have various eye problems but maybe the meds are doing something too. Thanks, Tweaky.

There are some major life changes happening in my life at the moment. I'm excited about this and where they will take me. It is obviously causing some stress even though I don't seem to feel it. I know this because my 'illness' seems to be resurfacing.

Good luck with them, didgee! What sorts of changes are brewing?

I've just been accepted into an employment program. I am meeting with them on Tuesday.

Angelique, are you feeling better today?

Thanks, I guess so. I slept really well last night, very soundly. So that was nice. It's cool again today so my plan to wash my hair is still off.

I hope everything goes well for you on Tuesday. Do you know what sort of job you'd like?

T and Psych nurse reckon I'm back psychotic. They where going to admit me on Friday but I refused, they can't section me as I'm currently not a danger to myself or others and I made a commitment to keep safe. So they're just monitoring my symptoms at the moment. I've to see the Pdoc on Thursday and I think he'll be increasing my depot to stop or reduce the symptoms.

I don't feel psychotic but if I am this is the least destructive psychosis I've ever been though which is good. That could be a sign I'm getting over this. I think going into hospital will just give this illness a place to breath. stress didn't trigger this psychosis but stressors make it go overboard. We'll shall see.

My new psychiatrist said that it will take about a year to get me stabilized. She used to supervise my old psychiatrist and I got a feeling that she only thought of him as a nice guy... Completely different philosophies.

A year. I have to go through another year of hell. I don't feel well. This depression is bearing down on me and now all of my worries are surfacing. I'm usually good at compartmentalizing but I'm failing. I'm having a lot of SI. My heart is beating. I'm breathing hard. 2.5 years of hell with my other psych, now another year of testing this and that?

I don't know if I can make it. This is DEPRESSION. It might even be a bipolar one. I'm not sure. I took an extra klonopin. I might go to the hospital.

It feels frightening. Like I get those sharp daggers of fright that stabs into your heart.

What could a hospital do if it's not a panic attack but extremely sharp depression? I'm hurting tonight. This should be interesting. ((its just discomfort not actual danger))

I hope for the best for you, chickenfoot.

Thanks Angelique, thinking of you too.

when ever i am in my room or in the bathroom, when i go to turn the light off. i shut it off and run out, i have always been scared that something is in my mirrors, however it can only get to me when the light is shut off. it is afraid of the light i take it. my brother messing around with me shut me in my room and turned the light off. i paced around the room looking at the mirror and i even started to cry. then i saw slight movement in the mirror. and even now when i look back at it, it could have been me moving but, i nearly ran straight through the door screaming, "its going to get me!". :/ i still think they are in my mirrors, but I'm not as bothered. still cant stand to be by a mirror in the dark.~MissLabarinth