Roll Call 63...

If you are sitting with a physician qualified to read and interpret it, then sometimes they will show it to you. I would be surprised if they would leave you with the film. If you wanted a 2nd opinion, typically they would send it straight to the other doctor. The problem with a lot of these high-end tests is that patients will try to "read" them on their own - looking on the internet, etc. That can lead to people getting really anxious and worked up because they will confirm whatever their fears are. Reading those kinds of things requires a tremendous amount of training, and most physicans would not feel it's in their patients' best interest to hand that kind of thing directly to the patient. You should always get a copy of the report (the interpretation) of the exam, though.

uggghhhh god

Intervention is so triggering for me for various reasons (alcohol, pills, eating disorders) but damn I love it. In a way it kind of makes me nostalgic...

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Omg just ate kfc biscuits with cherry pastry filling, so good

me too nostalgic because then i think of all my hospital stays

i think im hearing voices. im hearing singing. i do hear a truck coming down the road loud. i feel very paranoid.......

im feeling bumps under my feet as if someone was walking in the house. im so paranoid

maybe theres a ghost around. im serious...shhh

i took a prn... some moments are good... some of them are really not good. im thinking about stupid things.

i really think theres a spirit in my house. because it explains all the noises but i cant see anyone in the house i hear bumping and feel bumping and hear things slam shut and stuff. not kidding.

How my day was;

- Energetic dancing around max music (Usually if I'm not, something is wrong).
- Cigarette and idk I'm going to be writing a lot because things don't make sense
- Feeling of pure hopelessness in my future and left school early.
- Crying because this illness is killing me.
- Took 200mg methylphenidate because I thought that would be the last refill.
- Never felt so depressed on it since I started taking it almost 3 years ago
- Talked to my psychologist on the phone. He said not to dwell on it but the pharmacy can't know because it's illegal.

I can't just be hopefull. Apparently I pledged or something that I wouldn't do it again. That was a year ago. I was taking them as prescribed the whole time with an extra one sometimes which was rare. No one believes what I say. They won't even try because of schizophrenia. I was mad because I have thoughts of them keeping me sick for longer by eventually wearing off any type of hope with me being content.

The high doesn't exist anymore at these retarded doses just focus. Then there's nothing.

I think I have enough for one a day until the next refill. They know how bad my ADHD is especially zero focus. Reading half a page, don't know what it says and say screw it. Have doctors ever done that? No...

I'm so isolated and know nothing about what's going on outside this basement. I don't really care about living longer. I won't know what to do. Hopefully not on meth. Ever. I don't want to be a drug addict. I don't want my mom to die feeling she failed as a mother which is what she said when I was a mess before I even took the 90 Klonopins before the hospital.

I hate this feeling. That spark is dead. What ever is thrown my way. **** I was so happy. I hope I can restart. Zero faith because of these fixed delusions.

I'm surprised I'm pretty much not suicidal. I'm making progress.

Where my ego is I don't know. Probably drowning in my crash..

i'm glad to hear she's ok

I ****ing love American Horror Story!

Morning. Sitting at the ER with my FIL. Good times.

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Agreed. Asylum was my favourite season. Quite looking forward to Hotel though.

I love Asylum, hehehe now I want to watch that season again I have it on DVDs...

found this on a good site - AboveTopSecret.com

The Descent Into Madness: Schizophrenia, page 1

I'm really enjoying it

Scream Queens, from the makers of American Horror Story and Glee. Best combination ever it seems, this show is so damn good!

Got a pumpkin while out shopping today

I'm so checking that one out!

the spirit is trying to attack me today already

A major wrench is in the works for my appointment on Monday. I'm so angry I could scream and holding it in is making it worse but I'm afraid of letting it loose. My anxiety is through the roof. I'm exhausted, I got less than two hours sleep. I don't think I can cope anymore. It's seriously time to think about options to this misery of a life. I can't take it anymore and I don't see wtf is holding me back.

theres so many people blind to spirits and how mental illness is hard to deal with but people wih schizophrenia is like a mystic.

im not a mystic but i can feel spirits and see them and i can tell the future. i can see the future like a lot of people can but they refuse to be open to it. m

spirits are coming through my house right now through the walls and terrorizing me because they know im trying to recover from schizophrenia but am embarking on a found realization of TRUTH!

Hi newtus, have you been cutting down on your meds?

I've gained a lot of weight lately. Geodon lowered it, Lexapro/Prozac gained me a couple of pounds. Now, after BipolarII came rearing around and that I was on Lithium for that and now Lamictal without the lithium. Also, Effexor is new too, its an SNRI.

My question to all of you is, what is the cause of this extreme weight gain. I've gained 40lbs. What the heck. Lamictal is suppose to be weight neutral, Geodon kept me on the same weight before schizophrenia. Is it the Effexor or Lamictal?

Anybody have a clue?