Roll Call 64

Doc put me back on Wellbutrin, which I think triggered my panic attacks and anxiety. However, I'm on klonopin so I wont get that anymore and she wants me to take 75mg in the morning and 75 mg at lunch, and take away the Effexor.

She thinks I'm bipolar1 or SZA. Either way, I think I'm ducked. Maybe Effexor is the cause of my weight gain and the partial anhedonia. If the culperate is the Lamictal then so be it I might go back to Effexor and say this is the end of the road, as good as it gets. sigh.

To be honest, I'm a little scared changing my meds again. my depression I get, unmedicated is horrendous. I breathe heavily, I can't do anything, I'm a wreck. So here goes my last med experiment...

Good luck, Ody.

You're not overweight. I know what you mean though, when I was thin I constantly thought I was too fat. But now I really am too fat!

You look fine Newtus, you're not overweight

I tell people openly if the issue of money comes up, it's not something I have a problem admitting to.

but i dont think im broke. am i? i guess idk. considering my whole family im not. considering myself maybe. idk. i really dont know.

thanks. i really do think im overweight. im 129-130lbs.

i am broke. i dont count my moms finances as part of mine. i dont have any money saved up , i live paycheck to paycheck

Ya before the parents divorced, the vacations were the best and I'll never forget how happy we all were.

Went to bed at 4am and got up for school at 7am. Haven't slept much I don't think. Injection is due. Weird how I see couches doing the same thing but not demons or I'd probably be lighting candles and swinging my machete. + Flying cats and shadow people and of course flies and spiders.

Psychiatrist: It's time for you to become a woman.
Tweaky: What??
Psychiatrist: You will be injected with estrogen in high doses to get rid of the schizophrenias and also so men will give you money to buy unlimited tweak.
Tweaky: Let's do this!
Psychiatrist:
Me: :/

i guess i dont understand. i probably shouldnt count my parents finances but i have 1.5k in the bank. almost 2k. but thats from saving up.

the first thing i do when i get my check is put 100-200 dollars or more away in savings. then pay all my bills. then do what i need to do with the rest.

ok i'm. freaking out because i got the call from my psych referral and i have an appointment this thursday with a new therapist. i don't know how much is safe to disclose!!!!! i don't know if i feel safe going at all!!! i'm, my heart is going so fast right now AM is s h r i e k i n g and im. i want to cancel so bad i promised i would tell someone about him but im so scared of what hes gonna do if not in this life then when he takes me back inside him i dont know if i even want him gone no matter how awful he is wow

i could make it if i didnt have to buy food. lol. which is what sometimes drives me to not eat... which isnt good.

my friend just sent me a message that i should go and hes worried about me. im. i just have to tell. im gonna piss myself on her couch

and this is all beforei worry about. gender stuff. which got me thrown out of my last psych because the south is a great place to come out.

Apparently I'm going to be a horrible parent
But at least they didn't say that because of the illness, they just said that because I'm not parent material

I'm sorry you're struggling so much, psycho mantis

i get disgusting intrusive thoughts alot. some of them happen when i'm praying or just relaxing. i also get them when i'm in the middle of a conversation with someone else. i can't concentrate on anything, its caused me not to be able to play piano, i used to be almost a virtuso, but now i lost alot of it and can't memorise anything on piano anymore. well i'm just going to have to accept it from now on my talents are overwith and i'm happy i was once was able to do this.

Ditto, right now I have basically no money at all as it's close to the end of the month... have to wait until the end of the week to get my next check... Pfft.

Same here

I'm so bored. Maybe I should nap.

Ah sure another blight and we're all bloody doomed! On the boats we'll go!

Oh and tatties is another word we use for boobs! Haha I think my fiance would love some tatties for breakfast, lunch and dinner

Newtus you look great in that gear! I envy your figure and general good looks. I'm not gay but if I was I'd be looking for your number

just got back from therapy. my therapist was asking a lot about the forums. then she asked what was my username. i said i didnt want to tell her.

Wow that's unusual, my T and I discussed the forums at one point and I offered up that I use PC but she certainly never asked my user name, I would be freaked out.

can't read anymore... One chapter left. 14 pages left. After that, I'm a typing machine, gathering all the notes, paraphrasing not after note with some primary quotes. Splitting this book into 3 sections. cheese and rice, this one is taking me forever! Maybe ill finish it tonight, even though my mood will be crap.

My mother comes home from my grandmother's place in Florida so this will make it difficult sense she WATCHES tv, smokes, and drinks all day long. She needs to find a hobby, seriously.

exactly what i did - freaked out.