Roll Call 65

No its Nico Mirallegro.

Welcome! ^^

i can post while psychotic because im not fully psychotic here often anymore. im like halfway there. im slipping a lot but im on meds. meds help...i admit but they dont fully help and id rather be off them.

I sincerely hope you're wrong. It would be asinine for me to say that "everything will be alright," cause I have no idea if that's true. But no amount of meds has been able to keep your real abilities and passions from coming through. It's evident in how you talk about your book, and the fact that even though you can't always feel it, you treasure the emotions stirred up by music, poetry, art and beauty. So, concerning the 80% of what you used to be...you're not bound by what once was. That's not your limit.

I'm really trying not to get all cheesy here. I'm sorry you're feeling bad, and I'm praying that you feel more like yourself quickly.

i have to tell you guys something.

today i went into the grocery store and while i was checking out i was trying to open up the bag because at this specific store you have to bag the groceries yourself. while i was trying to open up a plastic bag this woman reached over the 2-way conveyor belt and helped me. she said "they stick sometimes, here you go".

i was so...idk...i felt surprised and nervous and happy. i didnt know people could be so nice. i felt happy. i didnt know what to think. i didnt know someone could be so nice to ME.

she smiled at me.

That's awesome. I think it's a shame that the people youve encountered thus far have fallen so short. It's a reflection on them, not you.

well its not everyone ive encountered so far thats been mean. i just have so few people in my life that are actually nice to me.

Granted. I still wish that you had encountered more people that were nicer to you.

I can't take these crashes anymore.

i just want to forget all my problems and just...idk...do something big.

im stopping my meds.
thats the only way to forget about my problems.

<looking for attention> Insert Moan Here </looking for attention>

My version of HTML doesn't look like it's working here. Sort it out Psych Central.

im done with this triflery

We really need to at least try to understand the psychology of this.

For me anyways, I took 400mg caffeine again.

kill me

Why am I not in prison? There's a fecking fly in my fecking room. I seriously need to be in prison. I'm going to stab this girl in the face repeatedly. I have to. It's the only way these fecking voices will stop. Burn the bastards. Why are they so fecking evil? I don't understand it! I'm awesome, I'm a nice person. But feck this. I'm using feck because F U C K won't work. But god bastard christ do I want to say that. I just don't understand it. Stop moaning about your fecking stupid problems. You could have cancer. You could be dying. Spend an hour in a fecking childrens cancer ward and see what problems really are!!!! I wish I was dying so I would know what it's like to really suffer. This shite. This isn't problems. So self centred. Such self loathing. I just can't stand it. They're all going to burn in hell. Loneliness. Trade that for fecking leukemia then see how you feel. Everyone needs to get the feck out of my head. Just feck off. Go fecking die in a corner bleeding from internal hemorrhaging... from your eyes. Liver damage, now that's a death. Bleeding from every orifice in your body. Through your eyes, your skin. I've seen that. I've actually seen that. God fecking damn. What is wrong with this world. I need to be in prison. I need to be locked away so I don't hurt anybody. Jesus Christ. FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!

Jesus Christ I need help. Please someone f u c k i n g help me

what the hell is wrong?

jesus im sorry. forgive me of my sins.
im a sinner in the most unrighteous of ways. hail mary. david and goliath. goats of the himalayans. el diablo. pope.

**** it I'm taking more

Tweaky, please don't. Anything preceded by **** it, can't be a good idea.

you CANT STOP ME. im DONE

Do you have an ap prn? It would be a good idea to take one.

What are you done with?

I can't argue with you. We are all going to die at some point, and the suffering that you're experiencing isn't fair. I'm not sure which **** you're referencing that doesn't matter, but how you're feeling right now will not last forever. You matter, the person you are.

I just need someone to tell me it's all going to be ok

It is going to be ok Chickenfoot. Just get through today.