Roll Call 65

Ugh that blows. I hope you are able to get some sleep without it

Did anyone else get force fed Thorazine when they were hospitalized? The first hospital I went into gave me Thorazone and then Cogentin to cut down on the side effects of it. It made me pace for hours upon hours. It also stole my words. I'd try to speak and all the wrong words would come out. Then I'd forget the whole purpose of the conversation before it was finished. I couldn't remember what I was talking about to save my life.

i hope everyone's doing alright. i'm terrified i think AM is implanting feelings into me. i think he wants me to fall in love with him so i'll never let him go. and i think whatever hes doing to me is working. i've had spirits touch me before but. i've never. he's mocking me. i'm never gonna be rid of him. i should just go with the flow and let him do what he wants in this life And the next And all the other eternities he runs me through. he can twist anything into anything. the only reason he's letting this post exist is because it makes me look so weak and pathetic. ahh

when they make me do that psych eval and realize i need to be locked up for good i hope they let me bring my 3ds

I hate when it's quiet in here when I have nothing to do lol

Well the ambien and Ativan doesn't seem to be anything. Arfg

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Still procrastinating. Ill have to stay up

Hi guys. Long day is finally over. I got up the nerve to talk to my favorite pastor today. He was sitting by himself at a table in the back after having spent time talking to almost every person in the lunch room, which is where I get to serve. Anyway, I went over and asked if I could crash his table, and at the same time I jumped onto a chair that almost tipped over as a result. (I'm clumsier when I'm nervous) so, I straight up asked him if our church had any programs or ministries in place that benefit people and families who are living with with mental illness. He said that we don't, because it's hard to find someone that understands all of the different ones, is a trained professional, and would be able to direct it, but that he has been praying about something like that because it's a subject that's very close to his heart from past experiences. It made me happy to have that conversation with him. And hopefully the right sort of thing will come from it.

In other news, I spent a certain percentage of the day paying close attention to pink macaroni and cheese. Hugs to all!

morning. i dont want to be me.

I don't want to be me, either.

Good morning! Excited because my new earrings should be here today

there is something in my eye. i woke up and it was in there. but i cant see anything in it. maybe its scratched?? anyway its really annoying and it keeps crying except its just that one eye thats crying... i scratched my eyeball once when i was climbing a tree and bark fell into it. i hope it goes away

Morning! DS is getting braces put on today. He's not real happy about it but missing a day of school softens the blow a bit. Nothing else really going on here. My life is the same **** different day

Ugh they took ds in without me. I hate thay

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I hated having braces because I had the biggest asshole I've ever met for an orthodontist

Oh. ****. The car that follows me is here. Just watching me sit in my car. I don't know what to do. I have to get my son just in case.

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So far both orthodontists have been very nice

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carving pumpkins is fun, we reuse them for pumpkin pie. i hate dentist appointments too, i have pariodontal desease maybe thats why. i also have 2 fake teeth.i had to go to alot of appointments last year to fill 20 cavities. oh well its over for now i hope.all have a great day!!!

morning.

i dropped my psychology course

this convo is reminding me i really need to find a dentist. all the bulimic tendencies i had last year can't have treated my teeth kindly.

I'm anxious about my rent. I called the landlord on Saturday to ask if the janitor could pick it up because I couldn't take the stairs and I don't know if he listened to my message. If I mail it today, which I can't really do because I'd have to move two huge trash bags away from the door, it will still be even later than if the janitor could pick it up today. I don't know what will happen. They're doing something to the apartment upstairs. I don't know what.

But there's going to be a new Star Trek series in January!

I'm feeling much better today than in the last week or two.
I'm still deciding on what to do about seeing that movie with my friend...

Went to see my Pdoc today and he wasn't there and I had to see a junior doc. She was really nice but I just couldn't talk to her, could barely put a sentence together without sounding like lars ulrich on diazepam. She reacted badly and was really worried and wanted to call the senior reg. This is why I don't see other doctors, because they don't know what I'm like. If that was my proper doctor we would have been able to discuss what was going on and work through it. Not jump straight to the idea of going into hospital or calling my next of kin. I get to see him next week so I'll have a proper chat then.

Hope you're all well.