Roll Call 65

Thanks but no one believes me when I'm not delusional because they all have their own ignorant opinions and I will NOT let people dictate what should happen in my life when they are the ones that are blind! Make way for the ****ing logic and if the universe actually is flawed, erase me because I want nothing to do with this illogical **** hole. All I wanted to do was live my life like normal instead of figuring out the meaning of life. There isnt a meaning.

I'm not giving up. I have to prove that what I observe is real and common sense. Maybe I wont feel like this forever, but I live in the moment because if I live in the past, I remember how I felt without this.

The only reason that I'll go to the hospital is so my mom and sister don't see me dead in my room. I don't care if their memories get erased when they die. It's at least what I can offer in this existence which is to follow my primitive brain ie instinct like I was born to do for what ever the **** this reality is

I dedicated my life to living like a normal person that doesn't think about tshit like this that is cynical

You'll be ok. I hope so anyways.

Ill be panicing all night or murdered

The point of life is to live. That's the meaning. Putting yourself into a hospital isn't going to accomplish that. If you're living in the moment. Live. In the moment. Don't destroy yourself in it. And I mean whatever that means. Tweaky. I don't know what to say. There's not a rhetoric for this. You just mean a lot to me and I don't want any bad **** to happen to you.

Thanks but i get upset about this much more than I should be. Feeling sick. Might as well go to the hospital and take a benzo pfff

oh god..

meds. el diablo.

There's two sides to the question of meds. Yes, there's side effects, but they also give relief from psychosis. When you're experiencing psychosis, no one and nothing helps you. Plus, are you titrating them down? Going cold turkey is not good. I don't want you to be in a state where you are dropping out of school again. And unable to do anything else.

just guessing here, but if AM is a voice you hear or presence you sense , i hope that you can tell the new T about it. my voices would tell me not to talk about them, not to say what they were telling me. i would listen to them and do dumb things. AM cant hurt you no matter what it says or says its going to do. i struggled with that a lot so i feel ur pain and i hope it goes well for you

plastic bags are the worst!!!!!!! i deal with them at my job all day, lol. i help customers open them on U-scan. its like 50% of what i do when im manning uscan

seems like a lot of us are having bad days today
I hope you feel better soon feeling bad doesn't feel good

We're all haunted

i went to Ts board game night tonight after work. i enjoyed it. i was nervous to go. but i made myself. i knew one girl there, and T Of course. also this guy i knew too but he came in later, he was sitting on the porch with Ts wife and her 2 daughters most of the time. we played 2 games. they were interesting, i think the first one was smash up. the other one was Love letter. ive never played either before

I'm ok sorry if I said anything bad or worried anyone. (Thought telling me that you all want me to die and blablabla injection shoot it get it away from me) The start of this injection just makes me so tired and useless. Mixed with caffeine and a crash while already tired.. having a massive amount of medication in my body.. This is just a really bad day.

I still don't know what to say. I'm going to bed cuz apparently I needed reassurance that my heart wasn't going to stop.

I texted a long message to my psychologist. I feel like an idiot because i cant control myself and that really revs me up especially with all this agitation and mood ups and downs and elation, contact with certain people that basically drove me to the edge last year..

I hope you wake up feeling better tomorrow.

Tough day in here today. I hope everyone is feeling better soon.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Apparently experiencing the suicidal side-effect of my newest drug. So, how are you all? Anthing good?

Ill only feel like myself if a med comes out that is is an SNDRI (Dopamine), and that isn't happening any time soon. Right now the only one that has dopamine is Wellbutrin, and that makes me feel horrible.

Still, you're right, at least I have the diligence to write in lieu of that spark of madness.

Thanks for the kind words, Door.

Wearing the bright, vibrant turquoise sweater I bought when I was abusing over-the-counter antiandrogens. I just had to buy it. It doesn't really have the same charm now, but it helps alittle.

If people know you're paranoid, you have to take that into account when being paranoid. They will abuse it. Like when that turd just so happens to mock you while they're within earshot. It's a ploy. The world is a ploy.

Welcome!

Did you find any books; what sort do you like to read?

That sucks, I've read that's quite a common problem with people who take ADHD meds.

Have you ever considered going without concerta? There are plenty of folks with ADHD who don't take medication for one reason & another who get along just fine. I know to some extent your concerta probably alleviates the side effects of your APs, but that shouldn't stop you from trialling without meds. Or I guess if you took less, you'd get less of a crash too... could be a happy medium.

Are you feeling any better today? From what I've seen of your posts on here, your psychotic episodes only seem to last a couple of days or so normally, things will get better soon I'm sure....

How are you today...?

I've noticed that often when someone starts posting psychotic style posts, you end up doing the same. Do you think it's a trigger for you?

I do know myself that in the past sometimes reading about other peoples symptoms can trigger them in me too. I figure it's like your defences come down when you see triggering stuff, making you more likely to notice your own symptoms, or rather let them take over.

I feel your pain but as Door says, you've still got a spark in you even if it's not quite as bright as it used to be. Overall you seem to function pretty well & maintain a good balance in your life, that's something to be grateful for.

Also, bear in mind that if you were off all of your meds, your functioning would probably be even less than it is now when things got bad.... it's easy to always see the negative side of medication but don't forget it helps to keep you grounded too.

Hi Loial how are you? youre on fire with rollcall today!

Haha, yeah... I've picked up some bad habits from Atypical... doing multiple posts instead of multi-quoting.

I'm good thanks. Back over to the old house again today to do some more clearing out!

How are you getting on?