Roll Call 65

My pumpkins are frozen. I should probably bring them inside..

hahhahahahaha

i feel like taking an ambien right now but i might just have a beer

I hear you on the last bit, newtus

you dont like your race? what race are you?

Watching AHS Freakshow. Dandy is so weird

I'm biracial. Black and white.

cool!!! i am black and mexican.

Saw my cpn and she wasn't mad at me like I thought she was. I have trouble reading people and often think they are angry or being hostile when they aren't. I also over analyse every social attempt I make for hours and days after and hate myself. My cpn is so understanding and explains things really well. I hate that I can't fully trust her because of how I've been treated by the system in the past. Been with her year and a half now and it's getting better but I still don't trust her.
Having a Halloween party tomorrow. I'm nervous about it hosting parties is stressful. Trying to make sure everyone has a good time. I'm going to try not to drink too much, I have a tendency to projectile lol.
Cpn is going to talk to my pdoc about starting an antidepressant. One that will hopefully help me sleep too. She said maybe mirtazipine. I need something I can't live like this being this miserable and not enjoying anything.
Cheerful thoughts like she said. Positive thinking. I WILL be okay. Yes.

pics or it didnt happen

had a beer and still want to take my ambien. only thing stopping me is knowing i wont have some for later in the week

I have to go to the mail box to send my rent and I'm afraid. I'll try to do it at 5:00.

i just want to feel happy

Or maybe I won't. It sounded like someone was throwing rocks at my window.

Does Ambien get you high? It would elevate your mood if you did some sort of cardio exercise.

it gives me a high. then i just blackout but am still doing stuff like roofies.

but my usual dose wont work. i need like double the dose

That's not good. If you stopped using it for awhile, the original dose would work again.

your right. maybe i should take more of it and let it run out.

[deleted]

i feel numb

I'm always afraid to check my voicemail. I'm afraid of what it might tell me.

I'm afraid to go out there because a little while ago I think someone was throwing stones at my window from outside. It happened like 3 times.

Ambien doesn't do that for me. I think the zyprexa blocks it or something because nothing gives me a high.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

see I'm still on ambien and I'm fine. but I feel a bit loopy. and having trouble understand things. right now.

I feel like I'm in another dimension right now

Me too! When I was working, that red voice mail light on my phone triggered many a panic attack.