Roll Call 65

Trick or treating with the kids. Good stuff

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That would make me nervous too. I'm hoping no one throws eggs at my windows.

What's everyone up to?

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i have to admit something.
when i took ambien yesterday i tried to hurt my chickens with a weapon. i couldve easily hurt myself. but ive been wanting the high from the ambien because i am numb inside. im sick of being alone. i just want to be with my dad all the time but hes never here.

i went out in the pouring rain again like i did 3-4 years ago. i blacked out on ambien.

i believe the devil wants to kill me. my mom tried to give me an excorsicm when i was 17. she tricked me into it saying she was going to take me to nighttime church and she took me to a catholic church where a priest was waiting for me.

hey shmooey i feel the same way. no one knocked on my door. people knocking on my door unexpectedly really freaks me out.

no one ever comes knocking in the rural. still scared by the night time.

Well no one has knocked so far and the klonopin is only helping so much. The kids next door are being even louder than usual. That isn't helping. It's like they don't know how to talk, just yell all the time.

Maybe the noise I heard yesterday of rocks being thrown at my window was really eggs. I don't want to actually find out.

I just spent some money on knitting looms and yarns to make beds for the homeless cats at our local SPCA. Ordered through Amazon Smile so they get part of the sale too.

I need something to keep me busy during the days instead of just lying around. I ordered a set of crochet hooks and a kids' crochet book too, though I failed at learning crochet the one time I tried. I am determined to do it. Yarn work is so soothing to me, I want to be able to do it well. And help the cats, of course.

Why the heck won't it let me hug you? I have the same phobia. Sending you hugs!!

Thank you, ((((((( Shmooey )))))))

Loads of kids came knocking here tonight, it was lovely to see their faces light up getting loads of candy. Actually ran out of sweets after spending €35 odd euro on the stuff. We live in a small village so I wasn't expecting it. Great to see it though, I can't wait to have a family and bring my own kids trick or treating!

I take it the exorcism didn't work?

I don't think I got trick or treaters this year
But I had organic bunny Graham's to give to the kids at the convention and none of them wanted any
They took some but some brought them back

Oh gawd I hate myself. I need a beating right now.

Wonder who could do it?

I'm too happy to do it myself.

I'm just so darn frickin happy, and it doesn't make any sense because nothing is going right. It's all crashing and I think it's hilarious. They should have left me to my own medicines. It was amazing to hate myself so deeply.

That is not good.

SELF-HATRED IS BAD.

You erased.

I hope I don't have sinus cancer. I have all the symptoms.

Home from work. Tiring, but it was good to see that I wasn't the only one that dressed up. Although, the ones that did were all waiters and waitresses. Fun though.

Worst date ever. I felt like I was interrogated. After question after question, especially about my father who has sz, she began to tell me that he should change his diet so to eat better and cure him of his illness. I told her that I didn't believe it was a difficulty dieting when it comes to sz. I was sick of her solution so I just told her that I personally disagreed with her, and thought it best to force him to go into the emergency room to get help. She was then appalled and asked why I would do anything like that. I told her because I love him. Still, frustrated, she told me that was horrible.

Before when I was going through the paces with her she asked why writing. I told her I've read a thousand book, have a university degree and strong writing skills. Grad school wasn't going to happen, not of lack of my effort.

After the whole father disagreement I told her that I had sz too, and it's not about a change of diet and that he needed to free his mind. I then told I don't regularly tell dates this but told I said I have sz and let her think about that for a moment while I go to the bathroom.

After that she turned against me and my university degree and my selection of my professors. I told her that before a class I would ask two questions: What is wisdom and why should I take your class?

She that those were horrlble questions and she fought with me on it then she thought I was full of myself. I tried to change topic and be civil, asking her simple questions. She didn't want to change the subject.

Then I finally said it: I was the first of my siblings to graduate high school. First one to get a degree in my entire family, and first one to control SZ. I have a passion that brings me endless joy, I love my family, including my father, and believe that people should learn that dating is a dance, and I felt she was stepping on my shoes.

I felt that her eyes were trying to melt my face and the waitress came over and asked if we wanted more drinks. I told the lady Ill have a second beer even if she is finished drinking. She got the clue and wantonly put her jacket on and left. I enjoyed my beer alone, paid for the bill, and thought... what a *****.

That does sound like a terrible date. I wish it had been different. You'll have other dates though that will be a lot better.

i took all my ambien and i cant sleep now. so im starting to take the xanax. ive slept 3 times but now im awake.

im out and dont have refills til nov 9.

this was a complete mistake. i shouldve been at my home with my dad tonight. not here at my moms.