Roll Call 65

Loial · Nov 01, 2015, 06:11 AM

Morning everyone!

I slept like a baby last night at my parents house... slept straight through until 05:30, then fell back asleep until just before my alarm at 6:50. That's pretty unusual for me... I'll normally wake up around 02:00 or 03:00 as well.

Going over to visit my sister today. I saw her briefly last night with my niece/nephew. My nephew was dressed up like a pirate & my niece was dressed as a princess I guess.

Nov 01, 2015, 07:31 AM

morning, i don't usually check in on weekends but i just wanted to let people know the therapist i tried saturday is a godsend. i actually ended up crossing out everything i wrote in the symptoms questionnaire at the last minute and i didn't tell her about AM, but i think she picked up a vibe that there was more than i was able to say so she wants me to do a full psych eval. but really the best part was that i was able to tell her about being trans, i just came right out and said it this time rather than wasting anymore time with someone who hates me. she was incredible about it. she apologized that i had to deal with that in oklahoma of all places (but i reminded her it's rough everywhere so it doesn't matter much) and i'm gonna be seeing her son who works in the same office as her and works more extensively with trans people. basically an everything's coming up milhouse situation!!!!!!! ��

Jupi · Nov 01, 2015, 07:47 AM

About to break up with my girlfriend. She do better without me. She deserves it. I'm not suppose to be dating anyways. That's how it is.

Angelique67 · Nov 01, 2015, 08:43 AM

Even though I hate daylight saving time, I'm grateful for the "extra" hour of sleep. About to go start some coffee. Hope everyone is OK.

newtus · Nov 01, 2015, 09:43 AM

i didnt sleep so well. i was at my moms but in back home now

junkDNA · Nov 01, 2015, 10:16 AM

good morning kids... i forgot about the time change. im drinking coffee and watching roseanne.

newtus · Nov 01, 2015, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

good morning kids... i forgot about the time change. im drinking coffee and watching roseanne.

the time change messed me up. i woke up at 4am

Angelique67 · Nov 01, 2015, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

the time change messed me up. i woke up at 4am

That's my target time to try to get up for the next few weeks because I have early appointments coming up. Dreading them too.

newtus · Nov 01, 2015, 10:55 AM

my happiness doesnt last long because i try to find happiness in material possessions. a new this or that.

Loial · Nov 01, 2015, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

my happiness doesnt last long because i try to find happiness in material possessions. a new this or that.

I know what you mean... I'm very materialistic but I'm trying to become less so.

newtus · Nov 01, 2015, 11:27 AM

i need prayers or good thoughts sent my way as im struggling with my mental health and addiction to my prescription meds.

i dont have anymore ambien. i wont have some for more for a week. so idk how im gonna get my sleep. im tired of being alone so i buy things to keep me happy.

Loial · Nov 01, 2015, 11:30 AM

(Loial) (>o.o)> =>=>=>=>=>=>=>(((((good thoughts))))) <(o.o<) (newtus)

Angelique67 · Nov 01, 2015, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

i need prayers or good thoughts sent my way as im struggling with my mental health and addiction to my prescription meds.

i dont have anymore ambien. i wont have some for more for a week. so idk how im gonna get my sleep. im tired of being alone so i buy things to keep me happy.

(((((((( newtus )))))))) prayers sent!

Angelique67 · Nov 01, 2015, 12:12 PM

Wow, I already feel like I need a nap. There's some work going on upstairs. They've been banging around for a few days now. I hope whoever moves in will be a very quiet type.

newtus · Nov 01, 2015, 12:55 PM

i feel numb emotionally.

Nov 01, 2015, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Wow, I already feel like I need a nap. There's some work going on upstairs. They've been banging around for a few days now. I hope whoever moves in will be a very quiet type.

It's even more horrible having schizophrenia with people upstairs idk why.

Nov 01, 2015, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 0dysseus

Worst date ever. I felt like I was interrogated. After question after question, especially about my father who has sz, she began to tell me that he should change his diet so to eat better and cure him of his illness. I told her that I didn't believe it was a difficulty dieting when it comes to sz. I was sick of her solution so I just told her that I personally disagreed with her, and thought it best to force him to go into the emergency room to get help. She was then appalled and asked why I would do anything like that. I told her because I love him. Still, frustrated, she told me that was horrible.

Before when I was going through the paces with her she asked why writing. I told her I've read a thousand book, have a university degree and strong writing skills. Grad school wasn't going to happen, not of lack of my effort.

After the whole father disagreement I told her that I had sz too, and it's not about a change of diet and that he needed to free his mind. I then told I don't regularly tell dates this but told I said I have sz and let her think about that for a moment while I go to the bathroom.

After that she turned against me and my university degree and my selection of my professors. I told her that before a class I would ask two questions: What is wisdom and why should I take your class?

She that those were horrlble questions and she fought with me on it then she thought I was full of myself. I tried to change topic and be civil, asking her simple questions. She didn't want to change the subject.

Then I finally said it: I was the first of my siblings to graduate high school. First one to get a degree in my entire family, and first one to control SZ. I have a passion that brings me endless joy, I love my family, including my father, and believe that people should learn that dating is a dance, and I felt she was stepping on my shoes.

I felt that her eyes were trying to melt my face and the waitress came over and asked if we wanted more drinks. I told the lady Ill have a second beer even if she is finished drinking. She got the clue and wantonly put her jacket on and left. I enjoyed my beer alone, paid for the bill, and thought... what a *****.

Next time buddy. Next time..

junkDNA · Nov 01, 2015, 01:11 PM

i am going to drop the music class, i just got too behind and i will never pass it. also, registration starts on Monday... an advisor from my school contacted me and left a vm. i guess i will call him tomorrow and set up a meeting. i am thinking i will just start working towards a degree or even just a certificate that will allow me to work in medical coding/billing. not really something i am passionate about but... its a job thats not in a grocery store. thinking about that scares me because its new and a change...bluhh

Nov 01, 2015, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Addiction to my prescription meds.

I dont have anymore ambien. I wont have some for more for a week.

I will take you under my wing. At least you can leave the chickens alone!

When I was completely addicted to stimulants, I did not admit addiction but now I do. Addiction, everything you know about it is wrong.

We are isolated and have no distractions like how you should have been at your dads as you said. 20% of US vets in Vietnam were taking heroin (Diamorphine) for pain and everyone thought that they would come back addicted. 95% didn't because they were back in their preferred environment which is why people are still being pumped with large amounts of heroin in hospitals because as most of us know, hospitals suck. Even "Tweaky's palace".

Distraction is key.

A lot of times, I had to wait 2 or so weeks before my refill. One day I just couldn't take it anymore and it's like declaring bankruptcy or something. They gave me a bunch more and 3/3 psychiatrists wont stop prescribing because I really need it. My mom then did the dispensing. If I don't abuse for two weeks, the pills are back in my possession.

It's a process.. A painful one and it can be prevented with strong will etc, distraction, other substances.

Good thoughts sent your way definitely.

Nov 01, 2015, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roboanxia

It doesn't make any sense because nothing is going right. It's all crashing and I think it's hilarious.

Basically my mentality

- Tweaky

newtus · Nov 01, 2015, 01:43 PM

thanks tweaky.

all i can think about it getting a buzz right now. i just took some xanax with a beer. im neglecting my school and probably will fail this semester.

im not trying to kill myself. i just want a buzz.

ofthevalley · Nov 01, 2015, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

i need prayers or good thoughts sent my way as im struggling with my mental health and addiction to my prescription meds.

i dont have anymore ambien. i wont have some for more for a week. so idk how im gonna get my sleep. im tired of being alone so i buy things to keep me happy.

You've got them. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

ofthevalley · Nov 01, 2015, 03:39 PM

Kids had a great Halloween. We just go to family usually but this year I let them go around FIL's house, they were pretty excited.
Today I'm sitting home by myself as my ds is out with dh and dd is at a birthday party. I wish I had something to do while they were gone. I'm out of weed so that's not happening and I don't drink so I'm pretty much screwed. I could really use something right now.
I hate how this illness makes us. I hate that I take so many pills just to be semi "normal". I mean WTF is normal anyway? Seriously.

Angelique67 · Nov 01, 2015, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hyperagitate

It's even more horrible having schizophrenia with people upstairs idk why.

So true, Tweaky. There were times when I thought the police were stationed up there to monitor/torture me. I still don't know how much was real a couple of years ago.

Angelique67 · Nov 01, 2015, 04:29 PM

I'm so disoriented about the days of the week. I woke from my nap convinced it's Monday afternoon. For the past two weeks now it's been feeling like a different day of the week every day.

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