Driven out of apartment by neighbors

Thank you for the support, I wish both our neighbours were more considerate. Especially yours because you seem to have it much harder than me. Did they finally calmed down or they're still making a ruckus?

They're willfully triggering my torture psychosis. They've done it dozens of times already yesterday. I'd be glad if it would stop because the ear plugs and loud music on my phone are making me feel sick.

Well, that's normal, we aren't supposed to listen to loud music all the time, our ears can't handle it and like you said, we feel sick. :S But it's terrible what you're living and I sure wish I could do more for you but *sigh*, all I can offer you is an online support.

Oh, I just had an idea! Did you get in touch with the politician of your local area? I often heard they can resolve this kind of situation, if you didn't, it's sure worth a try! If not, are there groups that can help you where you live, like a number that you can call to get support or organisations you can go and ask for help?

I don't think so, because of the nature of the trigger. I can't talk about it online. But thank you for the suggestions. I might be able to go to a shelter but I don't think I'd be too happy there, either.

Hi Ciderguy, how are you doing? I think the security system is a great idea. I had one here, but I sort of lost the video cameras in the mess here. It was to try to look out for the "stalker".

The phone calls sound like a good idea, too.

Is there any way you could socialize? You've probably already wondered about that a million times. I know that isolation, even if it feels like the least anxiety provoking thing, makes everything much worse. I'll have to figure out how to be less isolated, because it's really getting to me, especially with these psychopaths triggering me. If I go to the police they might make me go inpatient and for some reason I don't want to go.

I've avoided socializing because of my trigger. Now that it's happening dozens of times a day here, from the " neighbors", I'm wondering if I should try to go somewhere to get a few hours away from them. I have no place to go, though. I don't think there's a library in this town.

About keeping your room dark, do you get any sunlight at all? I know everyone's different but I usually feel better on sunny days. I don't go out, but sunlight coming in through the windows makes me feel less anxious and more hopeful.

It's almost time for more meds. I'm sorry I'm so dull today. I hope you're feeling all right.

Angelique is there a senior citizen office in your town that you could call?

Maybe they could help you find another place .

That's because sunlight exposure is the best source of vitamin D for the body and a lack of vitamin D leads to seasonal depression and mood problems, amongst other bad things, Angelique. My personal trainer told me (and he's got 20 years of studies in nutrition, he's a specialist), that if you live to the North of San Francisco, you devellop a vitamin D deficit because there's just not enough sun exposure during the year to the north of the 50th? parallel (can't remember which one exactly but it coincides with San Francisco). I personally take vitamin D3 supplements, it costs me 10$ for 120 days of vitamins which is very cheap, I get my optimal intake daily and ever since I started, I said good-bye to depression permanently. It happens I'll be sad for some reason but it dissepears in a matter of minutes, some things upset me a bit (like my neighbours lol but it doesn't affect me much, it's more annoying than anything else that I can't make them stop without making the situation worsen and I hate not being in control) but I laugh more, I restarted loving life, I'm positive and I tell you, it's worth the 10$!! It's a very good investment. If anyone's interested, look for 1000 IU per pill and take one the morning during breakfast. That's it and I can guarantee you, it can only do you good ...unless it messes with the other medications you take, be sure to check with your doctor before starting vitamin D, it's important! :O

Hey! I had a weird night, didn't sleep much, awoke in a state of panic (but not a hallucination!) and, right now, I'm feeling good. Ah... probably a little manic, really. I don't know if you saw the photo that I posted elsewhere or my reaction to it, but that may have started a bit of mania. Well, I know it did.

Tom (my neighbor) has been great with the calls. I'm fortunate that I have at least a couple of people that I can depend on recently.

The security system will be here today, coming from Amazon. The reviews all mention that the setup is simple and fast. The guy across the hall (I don't even know the names of some of the new tenants) will install it tomorrow morning. I can view it on my iPads, iPhones, etc. and that was a big selling point. Sometime tomorrow I'll go live.

As for socializing... I can't. I don't know why. I've been trying to get some insight into the "why" of my isolation for almost a year but not even my doc is of any help. I know that I feel afraid in part but fear isn't the whole of it. But I do think that it's fear that has caused me to think of my bedroom, in particular, as my safe spot. The isolation is so foreign to me - during my road to hospitalization in 1999, I still socialized in a way: I was able to hide everything from my friends and co-workers and I knew that I was putting on an act to protect myself until the day came when I flipped. At work. I never went back.

After my last ampuation I became unable to transfer from my chair to a car. The only way that I can travel is in a van with a lift although Yellow Cab does have a service using a kind of "mini-van." I've used it in the past but it's so expensive and I'm so far away from anything that I can't utilize it often.

No, I don't get any sunlight. I was always a sun and beach lover, seldom wore anything but shorts and flip-flops in the summer so my naturally light skin tended to be dark throughout the year. The constant shoulder and nose freckles that I had for forty years are gone.

I'm feeling strange today. Panicking at the moment. "High" when I started writing this. Just riding the wave. At some point between 3-6 this morning I kept hearing one of my neighbors, Linda, knocking on the door to deliver my meds. But she wasn't. I think that I went to the door at least 4 times to answer her knocking. She did bring me meds on Tuesday but not early this morning.

I went through a numb/flat stage yesterday – I'm not certain if that's what you mean by "dull"? I would much prefer feeling flat rather than going through most other feelings.

Right now I feel as if I need to stay online during the day. I've not eaten or taken my meds so I need to eat and prepare my meds shortly.

I hope that things are better for you today. I'm waiting for my caregiver to come back from the pharmacy with my Xanax.

Talk later...

Thank you for this suggestion, I will look into it.

Wow, it sounds fantastic! I will try to remember to ask the pharmacy and the pdoc. Maybe the PCP too. It sounds too good to not look into. Thank you.

Hi, Ciderguy. I'm glad that at least you felt pretty good when you started your day. By picture, do you mean your avatar? Is that you when you were younger?

I can relate to the panicked feelings. They come over me very often although lately I've been taking generic Cogentin. And it seems to stop a lot of the jagged edges of anxiety and panic. I'm not sure though, maybe I need the adrenaline now that those psychopaths are triggering me all day every day.

When I woke this morning I didn't want to get up and start hearing them constantly. I'm feeling slightly better now that I washed up. Just calmer, I wonder if that's the Cogentin I took an hour and a half ago.

I'm wondering if part of my " stalker" psychosis is starting up again because I thought I was hearing them last night, right on the threshold of sleep several times. That's when I'd hear the stalker.

By dull I meant cognitively. I'm forgetting almost half my vocabulary it seems. And my mind is very slow. I don't know if that's due to my condition or to the meds but it's probably both.

I hope you're feeling less panicked, and better now. I'm wondering if, through my ear plugs, I just heard someone telling them to stop triggering me. I texted my landlord yesterday when it was making me really sick begging him to make them stop. It's probably wishful thinking. It causes my body to feel horrible things.

I should figure out what I'm going to eat also. I have very little here and I'm afraid to order food lest I have to leave here and leave the food behind.

ETA: I'm also worried the police will make a wellness check on me, and decide I need to be evaluated at the hospital. Maybe inpatient would help but the trigger would be there, too. It's everywhere which is why I'm agoraphobic I guess. I shouldn't fear it though, the food was pretty good!

You're welcome, it's often overlooked but vitamin D is the sun vitamin and extremely beneficial for us. Most people heard about it and think because they get exposed to sun a couple of minutes a few times per week it's enough but not if you're living to the north of San Francisco. It needs to be 30 minutes per day and we don't have sunny days every day so... :P By the way, I said it's one per day but that's for the 3 first months. After that, your body has replenished in vitamin D and you must take 1 per 2 days. Which makes it 8 months, for 10$. One of the cheapest vitamin and sadly, one of the most overlooked. I don't know why it doesn't get publicized more than that ...it's hard to explain.

Maybe the pharmaceutical companies would rather people take an expensive anti depressant? Good question though.

^ Vitamin D is certainly one of the few worthwhile things to supplement with. (over the winter months at least)

A lot of people advocate taking high doses, but unless you have a deficiency, which isn't that common, there is no point.

I just take 10µg (400IUs) a day of Vitamin D3 at the moment.

I did find supplementing with it helped somewhat with my anxiety, alongside exercising, but when my anxiety got bad it ceased to make a difference. It's certainly one of many factors that can be helpful though.

When I was younger, in my 30s, I never believed my life could get so bad. In my 20s, though, I did foresee it. But then things got better. Now it's nothing but a horror show. I'm crumbling up and I can't get anything done. Nothing is OK. I'm lost.

Actually there is some evidence the higher doses may prevent colon cancer, one of the GI docs at the hospital takes it for that reason....

Of course, greed, that's the answer! Why make 10$ when you can make 100$? I hate pharmaceutical companies!!

They are really making me sick with the triggers. I might have to make a fresh recording and then call the police. I can't go on like this.

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For some reason I don't think they are starting doing it until they hear me get up from sleep. Not waking me with it. That's what they did this morning and it made me very sick.

I'm in complete despair. I wish to God I had a friend here. I can call Samaritans I guess. But I'm just so alone in this situation. I don't know what to do.

Oh, and I still have ear plugs jammed in my ears. It does muffle them but I still kind of hear them anyway if they're loud enough. I'm so isolated. I don't know what to do.

If it is loud enough that you can hear it through ear plugs, then you should call the police because that obviously pretty loud.

Ideally you should talk to your other neighbours first, or ask your landlord if they have complained too. If not, just tell the police to talk to all the neighbours.

I don't think you have anything to lose at this point. You've got some recordings. Your landlord knows you have been complaining. So, just get on with it.

The recordings I have though, the triggers are too far apart. If I select to skip silence, the triggers aren't recorded because it takes a second for the recording to go on. So I have to keep recording the silences. Just let it roll, so the triggers can be a few minutes apart. Plus, I have continued using my phone while recording, so that gets picked up too. I should probably use my computer instead while I'm recording. I don't have my wireless mouse, though, and I don't like the computer's mouse pad.

I want to get a good recording for the police. So, I have to turn off the TV and music from my other phone that I'm using to drown them out. I just dread it. With all of that off, they do it even more and it's physical torture for me.

But yes, I need a good pure recording of
it to show police. But how would I give them the file? I don't want to hand over my phones!

Thank you for posting, Loial! I really appreciate it. My other neighbors wouldn't be able to hear it because I'm in the front of the building and the psychopaths are upstairs and downstairs from me. No one else's apartment is near the area I'm in. Besides, they're probably on good terms with these criminals from their non stop partying the past 5 years.

I'll start recording on this phone when the other phone is charged. But when I turn the TV and music off, they'll probably catch on that I'm recording. They didn't stop doing it last time, though. Or better, I'll record with the other phone and just keep using this one. Longer battery power. Then I can get maybe a two hour span of time. I feel sick at the thought.

Started new recording. 2:35 pm.

They must be clued in because now they're quiet. Not sure what to do. They were very loud when I got up this morning but I had the TV sound on, and music playing all night on one of my phones.

Well, I still have the other recordings. They're on them but so is the noise I made.