Driven out of apartment by neighbors

"Overcome by hell"... many of us know the feeling, Angelique. I don't understand the behaviour of the umbra in the daily works of the world. People act with such darkness towards the innocent. It's so sad. You have my support.

Yes, it was hell and marked me for many years but I'm just glad she made it through. I hate suicide, to me, it's like a big fu** you to all the people that love you, when someone do it and it should never happen. Each suicide is one too much. It breaks lives forever. Not just the person doing it but also her family and friends. Of course it is, suicide is never the solution. I'm not christian but for all I know, I think it is one of the capital sins. Imagine being tortured in this world then tortured forever in the alterlife because you comitted suicide ...you don't want that. :P

But I don't know the american laws, your best bet would be to ask someone in the States that know, Angelique.

They are continuing with it. Three of them, and the two females, one upstairs and one downstairs must be on the phone with each other because they try to do it loudly in unison.

I'm feeling physically sick from it, like I'm dying. Going inpatient is useless because no drugs have ever worked on the physical changes in my body of torture. And when I'd get out, they'd just continue in doing it.

I'm too sick to get through this. Physically sick from the torture. I have to tell someone. Maybe it would help to talk to someone who wouldn't judge or disbelieve me.

I'm starting to feel terrible cabin fever. Like I have to get away from here but I don't have the money. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I want to cry and I can't because of Abilify. I also don't want these sacks of $&#% to be rewarded by my sickness in getting rid of me. Where could I go anyway. Stop saying inpatient - I'll get a few days away from these pos and then be tortured again anyway. I don't know if any of these pos have jobs to go to. They're all here now.

If only I knew what to do. My stomach is so sick and my lungs are wheezing from all this. I'm afraid to call anyone too. I'd like to tell the police but I don't know how to, and theyd call it in for inpatient.

Please don't anyone tell me inpatient again. I have no money to move and these pos will never stop this.

I wish you would go to the er if you are feeling suicidal.

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Sorry. I suggested the er before I read your last post.

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It's OK, thanks. I don't have the courage to do it. I don't know how to get this situation to end. If I went inpatient, they'd be free to break in with no witnesses and I don't have renter's insurance. I have plenty of things of some modest value. I don't want to risk that.

I just heard them sawing or something on the wall next to my bed. Oh God please don't let them be videoing me. I can't take this anymore. They just won't stop. I'd probably be safer under a bridge somewhere.

Dear God, please guide me clearly about what I should do regarding moving.

The psycho upstairs is desperate to hear me react. She's triggering over and over again trying to get me to react. The pos is afraid of being too loud, for some reason, but she gets frustrated and does it louder.

The two pos downstairs are also seemingly afraid to be too loud. But they're all very loud because I have good earplugs jammed in, TV on, and music on my phone. What I need are my big headphones but I can't find them. I probably wouldn't hear them at all if I had that.

These pos are psycho sadists. I never even did anything to the pos upstairs. It was the pos downstairs I was always calling the landlord and police about.

In any case, what they're doing is incredibly sick and I wish certain things I shouldn't say ends up happening to them. If I had a cat here, I believe they'd kill it. That's what pos they are.

I got up just after 5 am and the pos upstairs has been triggering me desperately since then. This is the one that's up all night. She's desperate to hear me react. What a ****. I have ear plugs in and they're jammed in tight. Oh, the pos downstairs is up too. They're dedicated. I can't hear them well except when they get very loud.

Maybe I should record them tomorrow morning. They get very dedicated when they haven't been able to hear me suffer all night.

I don't know what to do. They are triggering me constantly. Like 60 times per minute. The recording showed it even when I didn't hear it.

But the times I do hear it, it has gotten constant. There are 3 of them doing it. I've been forcing myself not to react but I'm feeling sicker and sicker and sicker. The police won't be able to help me. There's no law against what they're doing unless there's a law against psychological torture of disabled person.

It's more physical, the torture, but I don't know how to explain that to a cop. I guess just say it. They'll probably still make me go to the hospital. I can't do this.

I can't take it anymore. Oh dear God please help me.

Angelique, I am praying for you. You are such a sweet person, I wish I could hug you in person.

Thank you so much, Door. I'm weighing whether to call the police or not. I want to tell someone in real life what's happening because I have the recordings to back me up, but they'll definitely probably make me go inpatient and I don't want to go through the ER for hours and hours. I don't know what to do. I feel paralysed.

I can imagine you must. I'm terrible at making decisions when it comes to my own health and wellbeing.

Yes, it's bad not knowing what to do. I am going to try to call the ophthalmologist today. I need the cataracts checked and a new rx for lenses.

If the jackals here notice I'm on the phone, they'll go wild again for triggering me. Hopefully God is helping me. I need lenses to rent a car and look for a new place in a different area. That's a lot of torture in the mean time but that's my fault for not having done it long ago.

That sounds like a very good idea. Getting out of that environment for a little while will be good too. I hope you can find a place that's very peaceful.

Thank you, Door. Having access to a car is such an exhilarating feeling, it's been 5 years since I rented a car. I'm so tired though. Maybe I have cancer. Sorry, mind is rambling.

Be strong Angelique Do it one by one and soon you will have a peaceful place to live in. You can do this!!

Thank you, 12PM! But I'm second guessing myself. Wondering if I should move cross country again. I never had a whole lot of luck there, though, either. But thank you for your encouragement!

I have to make two phone calls and I'm afraid to because of the loudness and clarity of the triggers. I was hoping one set of jackals would go out to get lunch as they always do and I'd only have the upstairs jackal doing it. But she's rabid about it and it's making me so sick.

I'm trying to be silent in here so they can't hear me suffering.

I want to call the police and ask if I can get a restraining order on all of them. And then call the opthalmologist. I'm scared.

Go all in, my sweet angelique! You're there, it passes or it breaks, as would say Apollo Creed to Rocky Balboa. Or was it Duke, I forgot... Anyways, you get what I mean, call the police and knock them out!! You can do this!!

Thank you Lazarus! I just made one call but the secretary is out for lunch so I have to wait awhile.

ETA: I forgot I also have to call in my prescriptions.

I got an opthalmology appointment for Monday. Yay!

The police: the person that answered the phone was less helpful than minus 100. I can only file for a restraining order through the court. With my agoraphobia that's probably not going to happen. Then she was cutting me off and refusing to listen about what they're doing. She was so stupid I hung up on her.

But there's work going on in the apartment behind mine, and it was blessedly quiet in my back room. The jackals would probably follow my footsteps to the back room when the janitor is gone.

For right now I feel completely defeated. I still have to call in my rx. I can't take this anymore.

There's no place to be comfortable in the back room. There's stuff all over the futon and the space in there is crowded with boxes. And no TV of course. I need escapism however I can get it.

Still haven't ordered in food. I feel in terrible limbo and I'm so unhappy. Yesterday all I ate was a few scattered crackers and two slices of cheese. Looks like one of those days again.

If I can get a good short recording of what the jackals are doing tomorrow morning, I can call the landlord and ask him to listen to them. But I'm very afraid of the landlord. I probably won't call him. He's already intervened for me with the pounding and stamping and music. I didn't know how lucky I was when they were only doing that.

I feel like crap. I don't feel like I can continue to not scream and react. Oh God, I just did. For one fleeting second I reacted. If they hear me doing that they'll step it up even more.

The police person was trying to explain to me that in apartment living you have to get used to ordinary foot steps etc. So useless! I was trying to tell her this was not that! But she wouldn't listen to me! Aren't they taught to effing listen!?

The upstairs jackal has found her calling. She's the one doing it as loudly as possible and as frequently as possible. It's interesting to find out that she's deeply sadistic and Antisocial. I would never do anything like this even to an enemy. It's one of the things I like about myself.

She's causing herself physical disturbances and she still won't stop. The jackals downstairs are only doing it at intervals now. But tomorrow morning I bet they'll all be chiming in together again. I didn't get a recording upon waking up today. Had no idea they were waiting up for that. Now the female jackal downstairs is getting louder. I should go in the back room and call in my Rx. But I'm so exhausted.

It's hard to remember God is with me. But the fact that I haven't yet burst into reaction today is maybe an indication; I'm getting strength from somewhere. But I need to rest or nap or something. My stomach keeps feeling sick and then I remember I haven't really eaten.