Roll Call #79

Ah. I've known your dx wasn't clear and was basically Psychosis NOS. Do you feel like you're getting closer to an answer for what it might be? Sorry you're losing your job. My stepdad is also getting laid off. Money will be and has been tight for my mom and them. He liked his job and enjoyed it. Do you think you'll be able to find a job you like? Break ups can be rough and I'm happy you found a better relationship. Does therapy help or do you feel well enough to handle things without therapy?

maybe I mean I just don't feel my emotions are strong enough for bipolar and I feel the dxes are kind of arbitrary----but the good thing is I can tell dates that I have bipolar rather than immediately going into the psychosis part, it helps to break in guys a little slowly I think.

I'm thinking about either going into teaching or something in computers unless I suffer some sort of breakup with the current bf---I need something more flexible so I can move to the burbs.

Therapy does help but I wonder if I get too dependent on it sometimes.....IDK I'll probably go back at least as long as I'm working and can afford it.

True and plus doctors are human just like you and I.

I always wanted to teach! Math is what I want to teach if I ever get back into school. I think you'd be a good teacher. Computers are cool too. God so many possibilities!

I've been mentioning therapy with my case worker... hopefully I can get back into therapy. I've never felt like I've relied on therapy. Though with the clinic I go to it's hard to get and keep a therapist.

Something my sister posted on my wall on Facebook.

A friend says I'm my own worse enemy and that no one can hurt me more than myself. It's putting my mind back into reality a bit.

We are our own worst enemy and our own best friend

The people in control are the wealthy. They obviously have no mercy or regard for anyone in a lesser class, which is the bulk of everyone left in this country. It is so corrupt and I wish I was not in America anymore

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

I don't think most people with money understand the disadvantages of being poor unless they themselves been without.

Hey everyone. I hope you all had a good day. Been busy here with the kids home .

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm going to go for psychological testing. Even though I've been in care and in hospital and such, I've never had this formally done and I would like to. So I looked up someone in my area who does it and emailed them. I'm going to call them in the morning and try to schedule. My various psych care providers have never agreed over what my diagnosis are, so I think I would feel more comfortable with test results. Wish me luck!

Good luck Hope you get the answers you're looking for.

Hope all are well, too. It's hasn't been easy trying to be Camp Mom. When Dad's home trying to get a job and benefits for us. I have taken advantage of everything free like swimming, bike riding and long evening walks. Running out of ideas to keep my kids busy. Yesterday, we barely went outside but we had a friend come over for dinner. The days are long and stretched out. My t , god bless him, is not charging me during this crisis. He says this is when I need to feel supported the most!

I just came across this song and I've been playing it over and over.



Quiet Room
a-slam music productions
Beat by DJ ExxQuiZiT
Recorded by "E.V."
Featuring: "E.V.", Skitzmantis, BattleKatt, Inez, Justin, & Marion
Free download: www.a-slam.com

Inez (chorus):
I dont know what happened to my soul
What happened to my life
I lived and lost control

All I hear is these voices in my head
Telling me Im better dead
Slit my wrists
Time to end it now

I dont know
What happened to my soul
I feel so cold
So lost so alone

I gotta keep praying itll be over soon
Cant control my moods
So Im sitting in a quiet room

E.V.:
Im about graduate, eradicate, and pull my weight
Whatchu say, look out my window but I cant see a face
Turn around, I cannot worry I gotta study now
Taking my fate, finding a place and moving downtown
I guess I get deeply depressed, seriously upset
But when I get excited son its honestly the best
And I think I just need some rest, need a my bed, I didnt get breakfast
My psyche slowly going insane, please call my psychologist
Ring, ring, pick up the phone,
Dont leave me alone, its more then you know
No! No! please!
This is not a joke, I know that its 4:00a
Ok Ill take my medications call you in the morning
I never told him about the voices and how theyre gaining control and
Keep hoping from job to job, stop, locked all up in my thoughts
Couldnt control my voice or the voices telling me that Im all talk
Pop pop another pill like the double shots from double glock
Two little bottles in my hand, call the cops, Im caught in system shock

Chorus

E.V.:
All I wanted to do in life
Was impress my dad
So in the hospital hype
I told him it was not that bad
At home I threw in my head phones
Music uplifting my soul
I felt less alone as I sang along
I crank Lupe and Bone at a slower tempo
To calm down these psychos in both my temples
Four of them in total hate my family and me
I crank mo murder so loud that I cannot hear them speak
But they dont ever leave me until I meet cocaine
Gone away for many moment but then they are back again
Now Im in the shower with the shakes and my four friends want me dead
Didnt think that my life would end like this,

Inez & Justin, Marion (cello) Chorus

BattleKatt:
At night I cant sleep, I toss and turn
Visions that fill my head, saying in hell Ill burn
I yearn for some peace in my mind my soul
So I turn to the streets, to that substance uncontrolled
To realize the voices drown to the flicker of the sounds
But get louder and more profound whenever I come down
As I grab the illicit and get higher and higher
The visions became more vivid as the blade I admired

Skitzmantis:
Like a fatal wound, Im dieing inside
Looks like its just another lonely night,
Howd it come this far, whats this place
So much confusion that I must face
Day to day, trying to escape, not from my mind
But the cage to wake,
Every time I try to sleep, keep waking up,
Cut my arm, cause Im shaken up,
All the blood that I must consume,
Wondering why Im in the Quiet Room
Need to get away, how many more days
Are you going to keep me in this place?
No Food for hours, not a bed to sleep
Try to talk, but I cannot speak, so weak,
So lonely show me, hope, I cant cope
So confined cant cut the rope!
Five Days went by couldnt think couldnt talk
Medication so high, I was in a constant shock,
Body so lame couldnt even walk.
And the chambers locked.
I thought Id never again see the light of day
But I prayed; now its all gone away
No more voices, no more delusion,
No more craziness no more confusion.

Inez & Justin, Marion (cello) Chorus

good luck!! hope it goes well. what kind of test?

I just realized I'm 20kg (40lbs) heavier than last year at the same time

Guys I'm going to buy a pint of Ben and Jerrys fudge brownie ice cream later today

Sent from my A463BG using Tapatalk

Yum, enjoy!!

cool im planning on goign to my fav chicken and donut place for lunch

Feeling much better today. Yesterday was a bad day. 9 is still talking ****, but 5 is back to protect me.

thorazine abilify alprazolam gabapentin temazepam sarcosine l-theanine

Sounds awesome. Phish Food is my favourite.

hey mine too---you what they say, great minds think alike

Afternoon folks...

Had a pretty decent day so far. Went for a walk earlier whilst it was sunny (overcast now) & have just spend a fair while switching over to using Chrome as my browser & setting everything up!

Reason I decided to go for the switch was because it allows you to sync between devices, so when I get my new phone... everything will be accessible on phone/laptop.

To that end, will be getting a Samsung Galaxy A5 in 5 days... wee..

Already ordered all the accessories I wanted off Amazon. I will make a point of not taking anything out the packets just in case something horrible goes wrong like my mobile provider removes the cheaper plan I want, but I doubt that'll happen.

Parents are also up but we aren't really doing much together since they are here to do something else tonight. Still will get to see them a bit.

Hope everyone is having a good day!

All went well with my stepdad's surgery. They were able to save his kidney. It was cancer but they said they got everything.

Hey everyone. I hope you all are doing okay.

I got an email from my insurance. It tells me what I get billed for and the reason. I haven't gone to the doctor to talk about my MRI results but it's not til July 15th. It says I have arthritis not caused my injury in my upper and lower back and somewhere there's a herniated disc. I'm only 24.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I guess you must have mentioned this earlier in roll call but I've not kept on top if it the past few days.

I'm glad the surgery went well. Thoughts going out to him, you & all your family.

I assume they'll be following up with other treatment to make sure the cancer is 100% gone?