Roll call 81

I would feel exactly the same, junkDNA, but all he really did was try to reinforce boundaries. He wouldn't be a good therapist if he didn't. But I still know how it feels, from times in my past.

<3

Remember! 5mg increase per day until you can't breathe! Then the Cogentin until you can't see!

Abilify made me faint too, they didn't believe I had really fainted so were shouting at me to get up lol

Saw a psychologist for the first time today, she's giving me 5 sessions to assess what type of therapy would benefit me the most. I feel like I over shared, but maybe I'm just not used to talking about things. I hope I didn't over share. I'm a little embarrassed

I wonder if this is the first time I've been put on ignore. Seems crazy to me but maybe that person is dealing with a lot of pain.

When people say they like freedom of speech, just not if you say something they don't like...

People like their own freedom of speech, not the free speech of others. We're so scared of offending people nowa days because some people can't take reality

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I'm having breathing problems again.

Heat flashes, exhaustion.

I need Cogentin.

Feels like I have to work physically to stay alive.

I wonder if I should go to the ER and get some or to the pharmacy and get the pharmacist to prescribe.

If you can safely get yourself to the pharmacy and back do that, but if you really can't breathe ER may be your best bet.

They won't refill the Cogentin? That's terrible.

Did you take any benzos recently? They can cause hot flashes. So sorry you're not feeling too good right now.

Twice today I thought I softly heard my mother calling my name. But both times she said she wasn't calling me. This better not be the start of auditory hallucinations.

I discontinued the Cogentin a while ago because I didn't need it

No benzos

My mom said they would say no because I'd have to talk to my psychiatrist meh

It is hot here and people are having heat stroke

That's interesting - i asked my pdoc for higher doses of Cogentin last time I was there and he wouldn't raise that but he still wants to give me a benzo. O_o

Are you going outside in the heat? You should not leave the air conditioner if you have that. These meds can do things in sunlight/heat that aren't too good.

I got an appointment with my pnp! I'm seeing her next week. I'm so happy. Better yet I don't have to keep seeing my t. I have an appointment tomorrow but I think that will be it for me. What a relief.

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That's wonderful! I got two robocalls this week to make an appointment with the therapist. (sigh) where did my emojis go?

I feel aloooooneee

I'm sorry. I'll talk to ya.

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Thx but it ok

ITS SO HOT HERE I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE 0.0

THERE NEEDS TO BE WINTER

I always try to keep a reserve amount of meds, even if I don't know that I'll never use it. I have around 7 or 8 full bottles of trazodone, way too much hydroxyzine, etc. I keep forgetting to tell them, but i really do forget.

Can you call the doc for them?

Yes, I'm sorry about that. Talk and you shall be read!

I can wait I guess. It's not life threatening just annoying.

Yeah I had 200 Cogentins but gave them back to the pharmacy same with all my other meds like 150 Risperidones which was dangerous for me to have because I was abusing them to stop psychosis and agitation. I have like 600 Prozacs but I don't need those idk. Last time I had 100 Klonopins I accidentally took the whole bottle.

Edit: Wow that's a lot of Trazodone.. I'm quite interested in that. Maybe it could work for me..

Game nite in 1 hour. Told T I felt nervous he said it will be ok

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Hm, none of my meds are deemed dangerous at this point.

Really? LOL!

ETA: i think I'll either turn in my extras at the clinic or police. It's just that if I walk in with a ton of drugs, they might get the wrong idea and start shooting at me.

Got my meds.refilled today with no problems with Medicaid.
My therapy appointment went well, no lectures, showed her my journal entries, and one of them I wrote about how I feel like this world is fake, and doesn't exist, and how I don't exist, and apparently I described in my own words the concept of the Matrix movies, which I've never really seen before, but apparently I feel like I'm living in the Matrix according to my writings. Seriously though I do feel like I'm not even a real person and I don't exist, and this whole world is fake and doesn't exist, and that I'm just watching a movie of life playing out Infront of me. Whenever I get these thoughts/feelings, my heart skips a beat and I become really anxious, which in my miNd is a sign that my thoughts are.true... Idk, it's something I'm going to have to figure out why it's happening and work on, we're also.going to start work on my PTSD symptoms as well as DBT skills. Hell I even feel like my cat isn't even real, as I pet him, and I'm starting to believe that my Grandpa who just passed wasn't even real and that he was just a figment of my imagination...Ugh, wtf, stupid brain...

Ick I hate the force feeding of therapy

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