Roll call 81

I discontinued the Cogentin a while ago because I didn't need it

No benzos

My mom said they would say no because I'd have to talk to my psychiatrist meh

It is hot here and people are having heat stroke

That's interesting - i asked my pdoc for higher doses of Cogentin last time I was there and he wouldn't raise that but he still wants to give me a benzo. O_o

Are you going outside in the heat? You should not leave the air conditioner if you have that. These meds can do things in sunlight/heat that aren't too good.

I got an appointment with my pnp! I'm seeing her next week. I'm so happy. Better yet I don't have to keep seeing my t. I have an appointment tomorrow but I think that will be it for me. What a relief.

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Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

That's wonderful! I got two robocalls this week to make an appointment with the therapist. (sigh) where did my emojis go?

I feel aloooooneee

I'm sorry. I'll talk to ya.

thorazine abilify alprazolam gabapentin temazepam sarcosine l-theanine

Thx but it ok

ITS SO HOT HERE I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE 0.0

THERE NEEDS TO BE WINTER

I always try to keep a reserve amount of meds, even if I don't know that I'll never use it. I have around 7 or 8 full bottles of trazodone, way too much hydroxyzine, etc. I keep forgetting to tell them, but i really do forget.

Can you call the doc for them?

Yes, I'm sorry about that. Talk and you shall be read!

I can wait I guess. It's not life threatening just annoying.

Yeah I had 200 Cogentins but gave them back to the pharmacy same with all my other meds like 150 Risperidones which was dangerous for me to have because I was abusing them to stop psychosis and agitation. I have like 600 Prozacs but I don't need those idk. Last time I had 100 Klonopins I accidentally took the whole bottle.

Edit: Wow that's a lot of Trazodone.. I'm quite interested in that. Maybe it could work for me..

Game nite in 1 hour. Told T I felt nervous he said it will be ok

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Hm, none of my meds are deemed dangerous at this point.

Really? LOL!

ETA: i think I'll either turn in my extras at the clinic or police. It's just that if I walk in with a ton of drugs, they might get the wrong idea and start shooting at me.

Got my meds.refilled today with no problems with Medicaid.
My therapy appointment went well, no lectures, showed her my journal entries, and one of them I wrote about how I feel like this world is fake, and doesn't exist, and how I don't exist, and apparently I described in my own words the concept of the Matrix movies, which I've never really seen before, but apparently I feel like I'm living in the Matrix according to my writings. Seriously though I do feel like I'm not even a real person and I don't exist, and this whole world is fake and doesn't exist, and that I'm just watching a movie of life playing out Infront of me. Whenever I get these thoughts/feelings, my heart skips a beat and I become really anxious, which in my miNd is a sign that my thoughts are.true... Idk, it's something I'm going to have to figure out why it's happening and work on, we're also.going to start work on my PTSD symptoms as well as DBT skills. Hell I even feel like my cat isn't even real, as I pet him, and I'm starting to believe that my Grandpa who just passed wasn't even real and that he was just a figment of my imagination...Ugh, wtf, stupid brain...

Ick I hate the force feeding of therapy

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Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

Me too, so much. I think the therapist is more for them, because the therapist takes notes and makes reports on how they think we're doing. I think the pdoc is supposed to be a shorter, more RX related role, but he does his own reports. He wants me to come in every month, and has said some patients (like me) have priority. I have no idea what that means. Every time he gives me an appointment I usually reschedule for a more distant appointment date. I just end up doing that now because of my panic over the stairs.

I know my t is all about the note pad. Makes me mad lol

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Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

Yea, and some of what they write determines our treatment. :/ I haven't been to the therapist except for two times so far.

My T doesn't take notes. I wouldn't like that...

I went to game nite. It was ok. T patted my back. I think he was trying to let.me know things are ok. For some reason I'm sad now. Maybe bc I come home to an empty house... Sometimes I feel really alone...

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Really paranoid. Searching all my information online and stuff. I feel like people are spying on me.

I just got my injection though. Maybe it's cuz I'm not taking the oral.

I took one out of panic but I'm going to continue not taking it.

I need to fix this