roll call 89

My mom said i need to quit spending my money on phones and stuff too. But my last two i only got once a year. The rest before these i kept for 2 or more years. People dont realize phones out where i live are a necessity. Its not like living in town. We are very isolated out here. Theres no buses or metro trains. Theres no taxis. The gas station is 25 min away. So is everything else. If not hours away. By hours i mean like at least an hour. If not hour max.

I used live with my parents which is now my mom because my dad died almost 2 years ago almost 5 years since I lived without my mom but it was like 25min walk to the gas station and 35mins by bus to town on top of walking 20 mins to the bus stop so 55mins in total then back again. Then I be in town for 5hours.

Now I live in town and there buses and taxis

I feel like something is missing. I don't know. I feel restless. Listless. Maybe something is going to happen. Pensive. I think it's the meds blocking me from something important... I feel different.

You need a meeting.

Yea i do. I havent been in a week. Na doesnt help. Idk about aa.

I just dont know what to do with my life. Been in ****ing school for 10 years and havent gotten any sort of degree. My dad wont let me get a job because he says i wont get anywhere without a degree.

Im very stressed out right now

I just want to do something with my life. I need money. I so badly want to move.

I live in a small town. There is no public transportation or anything like that. There is nothing within walking distance from where I live. We do have closer amenities though. Only about 15 - 20 minutes away.

Get a ****** entry level job
It's gonna be hard to get a career based on a degree with 0 job experience

Gotta agree. Even get a little job somewhat related to the field you want helps. Part time job even while studying will give you a upper hand when it comes time to major job searching after graduating.

I got six years experience in retail while studying part time and it gave me a upper hand when going for a major office job.

I'm drinking to take away this restless feeling. Taking away the thoughts. I'm sorry... I know some of you guys are struggling right now.

Duhhhhhhh

Thank you. Not sure what im going for.

I've decided I'm not going to spend anymore money on alcohol. I won't buy any when I'm out. And I won't buy any new. I don't think I have a problem (in the real sense of dependence) but I recognize that I occasionally use it to mask other feelings.

So whatever I have is what I have. If it goes - it's not getting replaced.

It's cheaper to not drink and I need to face feelings instead of masking them. I hate feeling out of control anyway. I don't like drinking, not really. It's just something to distract and I hate it.

I used to hate alcohol and barely drink because I didn't like the feeling of being out of control. I remember thinking to myself how I could never be an alcoholic because I hated it. But I changed and my feelings changed and it's a possibility now. I had spent that month drunk dependent on alcohol and I don't want to be that again.

So I'm not stopping drinking right now. I'm going to drink still... but it'll be gone soon and I won't replace it.

I'm trying to be healthier, anyway. Alcohol isn't something I should be having. And I'm fine with that.

My first job was at a pizza shop. I didn't even deliver I just made pizzas and took orders. The job job became so much easier when everything became computerized. I think a job helps create sanity. You're around other people *****ing about how ****** work is and you make spare change. It's good for the health. lol

Work makes me sane in the sense of routine and structure and income but stress and pressure can also make me insane. It's all about having a balance.

Sorry about rambling. I must sound stupid. But I'm a little drunk. I polished off a bottle. I polished one off last night as well. I'll start getting low soon and I won't have any left and it kind of scares me but excites me too.

Sorry ignore me lol.

Also I'm becoming allergic to certain kinds of alcohol due to possible gluten intolerance so I'm already limited by what alcohol I should have so it's best if I just stop altogether lol.

My dad yelled at me for wanting to get a job. Said he wouldnt treat me the same now IF i decided i didnt want an education. Said he will treat me like the rest of his kids who decided they didnt want an education and are bums. I dont want to be like them.

At my college, going to buy my textbooks and supplies in a little while!

??????? uh ok

it's not that black or white. you can work and still go to school part-time. as far as your dad, you are an adult. yes you live in his house and depend on him but you are old enough to make your own choices without your father dictating everything

i really believe getting and holding a job has been one of the most beneficial things for me in my recovery. being around people, routine and structure, socialization, MONEY, having a sense of purpose

Good morning. Hope you all have a good day.
Feeling a little down today kids went to school . It's yucky out today so dark and dreary. Wish I was tired.
I don't have anything planned for the day. Maybe vacuum. What's everyone else up to today?

My plan after I get my stuff from school is to go home and clean my apartment, then go to the library, then come home and relax with my cats. It's a dreary rainy day here too