Roll call 94?

Ive been on 10mg haldol for over a year now. Or maybe a year now.

400mg gabapentin too

I would rather have anything than psychosis. Heartbreak sends me into psychosis. My first psychotic break happened right after my beloved dog got hit by a car (I keep my dogs restrained but he slipped his collar). There were obviously additional factors but his death didn't help.

You've been saying you want to be psychotic to avoid having to talk to people so much and to regain your intelligence.....you gave that as the reason you're playing with your meds.....

Have you tried lower like 7.5? Now that you're not smoking ten is a relatively higher dose than it once was for you, smoking cuts AP effectiveness in half.

Im so sorry valley.

Ive been taking my meds for a little under a week now and i still feel out of it. I just feel weird and more vulnerable to "entertaining" these thoughts i have.

I feel like i am more vulnerable to these thoughts right now. Which puts massive fear in me and more anxiety cuz i also dont have my gabapentin. Havent had it for a month.

I hate saying sht like this but...i feel like every news article i read on facebook its telling me something secretive that only i can see through the news article. Which, personally, is not safe for me. Because my paranoia is...its just not safe for me.

I almost slipped today and said something to my pss. I wouldve been put in the hospital. But i just cannot be there. I am so AFRAID to be there.

I feel like everything is speaking to me. Thats the worst part of being alone because im more inclined to "entertain" the thoughts.

Yea cuz i want my intelligence back. But i dont want to be afraid either. I want to combat my loneliness too.

I see the doctor next thursday. Ill ask him then.

I've gone to the hospital due to heart break. I couldn't handle it. It may be the silliest thing to be upset over someone breaking up with you but when you are close and it was out of nowhere it hits you hard.

It sounds like psychosis to me.
Things don't speak to people. It's all part of the illness.

I just want to live a normal life. I dont want to be mentally ill anymore. But i feel like BECAUSE of the schizoaffective i will never be able to not isolate and have a normal life. I want friends and...i want to have a social life and a relationship. I want to finish school and get a job. But i cant even talk in group.

I'm on 30 mg of haldol... it helps me and for some strange reason doesn't make me all that sleepy.

I'm sorry to hear that. Break ups are so hard

You can still do all that stuff.
None of us want to have mental illness but it is what it is. We drew the short straws.

I gotta realize that. Its different when its happening in the moment. I feel important, yet scared. And then when im alone the thought lingers for forever until its embedded in my brain.

When im with people i never think about it because people bring me out of my head

I get it. I really do. Im in a lot of pain and i think about him all the time. But im trying my best to focus on myself and not think about him.

I feel like i want to hide away from society. Especially after i told that person that i was dealing with a mental health issue and not to think less of me and she stopped texting me

I went to the park with a guy and he was being really weird... kept making me hold his hand. I tell him I have schizophrenia and when he looked up the illness he got freaked out over it. Then I had to tell him it's not going to work out so we stopped texting each other.

Geez. Im sorry erti.

It's alright. I hardly knew him... Just annoyed that my illness drives people away. Who knows... maybe I had a guardian angel with me. He was a bit weird. Lol this is coming from a schizophrenic. xD

took my first 40mg latuda on my own after dinner. she said u have to take it with food so it absorbs.

Im thinking about how im not touched much. My dad doesnt hug me much. I dont think he likes hugs. Im reading about how physical touch is important.

I crave it so much. When i dont get a hug or any kind of touch i go crazy sometimes

NEWTUS, YOU CAN TOUCH ME ALL NIGHT LONG :P

In all seriousness... touching makes you feel loved and wanted. I like hugs... as long as my uncle doesn't try to break my back when we hug.

Maybe you should talk to your dad about?

LOLZZZ

maybe i will.

The best part of being in a relationship was the touch i got. My ex gave me massages, held my hand, and we did a lot of cuddling. I miss that. I fear itll be a long time til i have that again.

Newtus... you're a very attractive girl... smart... and nice. You have so much going for you. you'll find that special someone. Reason I'm still single is because I haven't pursued a relationship.

Goodnight. I'm finally off to bed.