ParRoll Call 97

So I was telling the bf about how I felt today sad/depressed and he was overly concerned like I needed to call a T....like it was more than he could handle. He said he's never felt depressed.....I told him he was lucky....but I guess his version of support is just go to the doctor....he was obviously uncomfortable about the whole thing. Idk when I had originally told him about my psychosis he was all I wish I could have been there for you but I don't think he can understand if he's never even been depressed. He said something about being in your best form for a relationship like people who are depressed shouldn't be in relationships or some such nonsense. Sometimes it amazes me you think you know someone but a lot of times we fill in with how we think when we don't know. I explained to him that he regularly vents to me when he's having issues at work....and here I try to vent and get shut down.....

I think depression is tough on a relationship. I know my husband takes it personally when I talk about being depressed. He always says things are going so well stop overthinking. Like yeah I know that but the depression doesn't care.
I think psychosis is easier to sympathize with.

I see how it can be and he was better once I explained my depression never lasts more than a week....plus he was apparently afraid it had something to do with our relationship....I was like no it's work.....

With my ex it was very depressing to me to hear him talk about being depressed. He would talk about how his father isnt in his life and how he has a payee for all his money. But for the most part i did try to help him. I listened to him and kinda coached him through his troubles. But it wasnt enough.

Honestly im ready now to date the guy but i keep wondering if i should keep taking it slow. He has proved to me he cares and respects me. He was telling me his ex also used to ask why he was so nice to her.

Sometimes listening is all you need..it might not be incredibly comfy for the non depressed person but it helps so much.

Night all here is to a better tomorrow.....

Good night!

I'm starting to get tired now. See if it lasts. Maybe I'll sleep a decent amount tonight.

I feel pretty balanced today... mentally.

Maybe I've just been too busy to be crazy. Haven't had time to stop and got stuck in my head.

See how it goes. See my doctor again next week.

I'm only allowed to say in the addictions forum.

If you've heard of the TV show, "Breaking Bad", then you know.

I've used 17 different stimulants before trying the 18th so it comes as no surprise to me. It's just another grain of sand on the beach. I just tried it because a temporary psychiatrist lowered my stimulant medication because she was afraid of giving me psychosis and I couldn't tolerate the tiredness and lack of focus.

Even though I get psychosis, stimulants never seemed to give me psychosis. Not even once. In fact, they seemed to make it better. Except I get anhedonia and blunt emotions. I just take it because I have some sort of narcolepsy. Or it's because of the antipsychotics which is why I was given Ritalin. But also because of bad ADHD symptoms when I was a kid.

This time the 18th gives me strong psychosis when I stop taking it.

Anyways, on the work topic everyone.. I enjoy my job it keeps me busy and it's not complicated at all working at a grocery store because it's just finding food, labels, etc and I'm fairly social. Sometimes I like to be a cynical misanthrope when I'm on stimulants and stimulant medication so I have to fake smile to everyone and wouldn't care if they all died lol

But when I was doing multiple of all the commonly known worst drugs there is 2-3 weeks ago and then stopped taking them a week ago, I was feeling such mental damage but I kept pushing forward.

I kept pushing forward because I can't go back to the psychiatric hospital again. I still need to function properly in society even though I slipped up again and it seems to be working. I'm able to just let the wind blow past me and say well what the hell, it can't get any worse than this unless I get delirious psychosis and don't remember what I've done, damaging society.

I have work again tomorrow so.. Idk they seem to be giving me a lot of work days for a part time job. Oh well.

I already made like 350 dollars for part time work! I have to pay my mom back because of the drugs I spent the rent on though. I was impulsive. But I want to buy those new unbreakable sunglasses. I want to eventually get a car although my dad bought me and my sister a new jeep.

On the weekend I'm going camping and there will be a future shop there so I'm going to buy some Xbox games

*Sleeps*

Anyone notice my writing pattern with and without psychosis.. I seem to type in lines when I don't know what is real. And with paragraphs when I know what is real. But this right now it seems fine.

Good Morning,

Sleep is back to being awful so I've been up and down all night. I finally gave up on sleep at 0400. Today is the last day of that boring class I'm taking for work and it is only a half day! I'm ready for it to be over, although I must admit I skipped all day yesterday d/t my eye situation. Which this morning is doing so much better, not all the way there but less swollen for sure.

Just went out for a smoke, it is 61F this morning, how nice it has become! Hope everyone has a great Friday! No extended holiday weekend here since I work at a hospital, but TGIF, am I right! lol

He probably feels like it's about him and also if he isn't making you happy. That probably makes him feel insecure

Good morning. I slept awesome. Unfortunately I'm still tired. Could have used a couple more hours.
My son has the day off and he's having that girl over. Yikes!
I see my pnp today. Yay. Hopefully we will get my pre auth going for Latuda. It runs out next month.
I hope everyone has a good day.

Morning/Afternoon,

I'm with blwi3310... TGIF! Even if my weekend did start yesterday with my impromptu day off.

I hope everyone has a good day... just a lazy one for me watching X-Files. Again.

Maybe I lead a boring life, but it does for me.

Morning

The 3 gabapentin made me hungover feeling this morning

I'm sorry today is a terrible day in every way so I started it off with rum...

Good morning!

morning

My son's girlfriend should be here any minute. It's my first time meeting her. I think I'm as nervous as she must be. I have to meet the dad. I'm no good with meeting people. I always get awkward and weird.

Good morning. For everyone who has worked hard this week, either at job, college, or anything

i came i saw i hit him right there in the jaw .

Aw, your son has a gf, this is cute. Hope it goes well, Valley

I'm already taking naps. Just woke up from a nap. Its 10!!! Oh no

It's September 1st, let's meet up at the King Cross station platform 9 3/4!!!

I think this gabapentin is making me really tired because i had coffee and everything and i still fell asleep