ParRoll Call 97

I think this gabapentin is making me really tired because i had coffee and everything and i still fell asleep

I'm only allowed to say in the addictions forum.

If you've heard of the TV show, "Breaking Bad", then you know.

I've used 17 different stimulants before trying the 18th so it comes as no surprise to me. It's just another grain of sand on the beach. I just tried it because a temporary psychiatrist lowered my stimulant medication because she was afraid of giving me psychosis and I couldn't tolerate the tiredness and lack of focus.

Even though I get psychosis, stimulants never seemed to give me psychosis. Not even once. In fact, they seemed to make it better. Except I get anhedonia and blunt emotions. I just take it because I have some sort of narcolepsy. Or it's because of the antipsychotics which is why I was given Ritalin. But also because of bad ADHD symptoms when I was a kid.

This time the 18th gives me strong psychosis when I stop taking it.

Anyways, on the work topic everyone.. I enjoy my job it keeps me busy and it's not complicated at all working at a grocery store because it's just finding food, labels, etc and I'm fairly social. Sometimes I like to be a cynical misanthrope when I'm on stimulants and stimulant medication so I have to fake smile to everyone and wouldn't care if they all died lol

But when I was doing multiple of all the commonly known worst drugs there is 2-3 weeks ago and then stopped taking them a week ago, I was feeling such mental damage but I kept pushing forward.

I kept pushing forward because I can't go back to the psychiatric hospital again. I still need to function properly in society even though I slipped up again and it seems to be working. I'm able to just let the wind blow past me and say well what the hell, it can't get any worse than this unless I get delirious psychosis and don't remember what I've done, damaging society.

I have work again tomorrow so.. Idk they seem to be giving me a lot of work days for a part time job. Oh well.

I already made like 350 dollars for part time work! I have to pay my mom back because of the drugs I spent the rent on though. I was impulsive. But I want to buy those new unbreakable sunglasses. I want to eventually get a car although my dad bought me and my sister a new jeep.

On the weekend I'm going camping and there will be a future shop there so I'm going to buy some Xbox games

*Sleeps*

Anyone notice my writing pattern with and without psychosis.. I seem to type in lines when I don't know what is real. And with paragraphs when I know what is real. But this right now it seems fine.

It's September 1st, let's meet up at the King Cross station platform 9 3/4!!!

Aw, your son has a gf, this is cute. Hope it goes well, Valley

Arent't the gapapentin prn----do you really have to take all three?

So I was telling the bf about how I felt today sad/depressed and he was overly concerned like I needed to call a T....like it was more than he could handle. He said he's never felt depressed.....I told him he was lucky....but I guess his version of support is just go to the doctor....he was obviously uncomfortable about the whole thing. Idk when I had originally told him about my psychosis he was all I wish I could have been there for you but I don't think he can understand if he's never even been depressed. He said something about being in your best form for a relationship like people who are depressed shouldn't be in relationships or some such nonsense. Sometimes it amazes me you think you know someone but a lot of times we fill in with how we think when we don't know. I explained to him that he regularly vents to me when he's having issues at work....and here I try to vent and get shut down.....

They arent as needed. Prn means as needed right? All the directions say is take 3 times a day. Maybe i should just take it prn.

Oooh she's cute. A little quiet wouldn't make eye contact but she seems okay. The dad was really nice. I don't think I was awkward because there was no small talk.

Maybe she didn't make eye contact because of shy and nervous? Yay for no awkwardness, I'm not good with small talk too

They arent as needed. Prn means as needed right? All the directions say is take 3 times a day. Maybe i should just take it prn.

Sadly mental illness is not something people can understand unless they experience it themselves. People can complain and vent about work, school, family, friends, government, and it's fine. But when we vent about our illness, most of time we'd get shut down. I'm sorry he doesn't get your depression SP

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA Theriously though, this is the truth. Just don't call him daddy when your father is around, Newtus.

I'm not even depressed anymore, I'm fine---I just needed to refocus on what I will be doing in the future and that what I'm currently doing won't last forever. I have like the shortest depressions...super lucky that way...cbt skills help a lot.

My wife had her eyeball injected with a needle this morning. The worst part was the little metal thing holding her eyelid open - from every torture scene ever. Eek!

I hope everyone will have a nice weekend.

My wife had her eyeball injected with a needle this morning. The worst part was the little metal thing holding her eyelid open - from every torture scene ever. Eek!

I hope everyone will have a nice weekend.

I'd kick someone in the face if they tried to put a needle in my eye