Roll Call 98

Well I was anxious earlier, and took some diazepam and then went out for a drive to calm myself down. But not a lot of super high stress things going on otherwise.

I woke up this morning feeling anxious like I had lots to do and never going to keep up. But I don't. I don't have many responsibilities around the house.

I'm sorry. It's that it really irks me that with all the pain people feel in real that there are shows like that that have no reflection of real pain people feel. They are plastic to me, not real. It doesn't seem sincere to me because it doesn't have a mixture of making light of how real people struggle. I'm just jaded though, so that's why I think like that.

Is it sharing time for beliefs other people think are weird? Okay my turn!

1. People are after me watching me all the time.

2. I get messages sent to me in music only I can decode. Mostly about how people are watching me but also about disasters and deaths.

3. They can read my thoughts with nail polish. Which is why I don't paint my nails.

4. They can control my thoughts with hair dye. Which is why I don't dye my hair.

5. Crystals and salt protect me from the people who watch me. Keep them back so they aren't in my personal space and can't attack me using psychic energy. I carry salt and crystals with me all the time for protection.

6. Pink candles also provide me protection. If I feel real danger in my home and the salt and crystals aren't enough I will light a pink candle.

7. There's another world on the other side of mirrors. Sometimes they steal my image to watch me. It looks just like our world.

Well...no, because i believe supremacy groups want me dead. And i know thats true.

I believe all those fullheartedly except im trying to think that maybe the govt doesnt want to recruit me only because im not the smartest person alive. But i do have secrets of the world. Now im not the only person with these secrets but the majority do not know these secrets. At least not in this country.

Your number 5 is why i burn incense. I heard catholics burn incense to cleanse the air around you. I heard that but idk if thats true. But they use incense during mass so?

Idk about that. I've never really heard about incense burning with Catholics. I know for like wiccans and stuff yeah they do that.

I may be wrong but my sis told me that and shes catholic. Also everytime i goto mass with my mom they are burning some incense or something in these little metal things attached to long chains

Yes they do. (Catholics. ) mostly in Mass.

I was just about to tag you.

See there you go I'm wrong I've never been to mass hahaha.

Its all good in the hood

From experience, the more you stay in, the harder it gets to go out for necessary reasons. My longest agoraphobia attack has been since 2013, with over 12 months and more just sitting on my bed, not even going out for the mail. I wouldn't want you to give up on the world so young. Give things a chance to get better.

And... EVERYONE JUST WENT QUIET.

I am on the road again
It's hard to check in often if at all because my memory is such ****

Thanks Angelique, you're probably right. It does get harder to leave once you stay in for so long. I stayed in my house for 6 months several years ago (another story, thought the government was out to get me..) And it was hard to start leaving after that. I am going to go to my program tomorrow then to the library.

What are you up to SP?

I agree with this and what Angelique said too. I've been a recluse for the last 3 months, aside from going to the store, going to weekly therapy, etc...I was getting so bad anything would make me anxious to go out. I would rather just stay in bed and sleep life away. It's a bad place I've been in. I hope you are able to stay active and make it through this. <3 If you ever need to chat, I am an open ear too.

Halfway napping while listening to flamenco guitar and refreshing PC. Also checking Facebook...looks like one of my friends was at burning man...that would be cool.

What are you up to?

Am i the only one that doesnt really go anywhere? I mean, im sure a lot of it is social anxiety. But i just rarely go anywhere. And if i do its one place and then back home.

Playing with my cat. Thats all. I dont have anything else to do. Seems as if all my plans today fell through. I was supposed to have some video chat dates but they backed out.

I don't like going out of town if I don't have to. It's always anxiety inducing for me, especially when I have to do long bus rides to get places. The only exceptions were when I was in a relationship with someone in another city for a short time, when I needed to go to Helsinki to renew my residence permit (that was vital), and when I go to the states this winter to see my family. Otherwise....I stay home except for when I absolutely have to go out. I can't even get myself to volunteer cause I get too anxious.

Hello from Annie

Did you stop talking to this new guy?