Roll Call 113

That sounds perfect just continue to remind yourself why you are studying when it gets tough-----my friend went for medical coding and there was a lot of memorization in the advanced classes so she changed majors. Once you pick something for sure, lock onto it and focus so you can get through faster.

damn I take night time cold medication for my cold it knocked me out better than the trazodone for sleep.

I'm not depressed I don't think.

Idk how depression can just go away. It used to be really really really bad and then I've been getting ups and downs that are so minimal that it slowly got better.

I don't need an anti-depression pill. I need a pleasure pill.

Doc can I have pleasure pills pls??

aww, my poor niece. She broke her arm at school today.

Applied with another company. Hopefully i hear back from them.

Contact them and ask them what the problem is. I’m sorry it’s not working for you.

Oh no! I hope she feels better.

There’s literally no way to contact them. I opened a ticket, but thats really for disputes. they dont have an email or phone or chat or anything.

She has surgery in the morning to put pins in her arm.

Drinking nonsense:

... I'm very impressed how well you have this all planned out. You recognized your weaknesses, made plans, and addressed them to those who needed to know. Great work, friend.

Keep up the good work. The future's bright, you better get shades.

I took that class while i was 6 months deep into a psychotic episode i wasn't even aware i was in. I was learning about schizophrenia while experiencing it and didn't know! lol

I found that the less i had coffee the more sensitive i was too it. So i would limit myself to only at the library and it would kick me in overdrive. Then i stopped drinking it for a long period and tried again and i started to get anxiety...

I tried a star bucks energy drink 6 months ago and it sent me over the edge, and when i crashed... it was beautiful... I could feel peace, contentment, clarity of thought like i use to have before anhedonia set in. The anxiety attacks and panic isn't worth it though.

Sorry, random story about myself.

Of course you are welcome here.

I've been off my mood stabilizer for about 6 months now and i haven't had a single mood swing since, not even a panic attack, nor any kind of dperession (mostly because of negative symptoms that take away emotion,, good and bad). I still take my AP so that i never fall into psychosis again, but i find that weird that don't have any symptoms from bipolar anymore...

Hmmm...
I was hypersensitive before, during and after my psychosis, then i went bipolar from antidepressants, and then felt nothing. This is the first correlation I've had with anyone else. It's like, slowly my panic attacks went away, my depression that i've always had went away, all the pleasure went away, mood swings vanished...

This is a hypothetical role of schizophrenia



I'm looking up many of these things..



I feel like I neeeed to understand

If anhedonia ever goes away I will write songs..

I've been reading on reddit as to why I have no anxiety at all and then marijuana gives me severe anxiety.

It seems like I have great coping mechanisms and then the marijuana doesn't cause it but it shuts down my coping mechanisms which makes me freak the hell out because I'm not in control.

I always feel like I need to be in control because when my reality is altered, I don't feel comfortable.

I need to learn to let go to be able to feel comfortable with myself.

I have coping mechanisms with anxiety but I think I have the wrong ones. Maybe it's because of OCD (Which are really bad coping mechanisms).

I need therapy again..

I was on 4x 20mg Prozac a day for 3 years for OCD and depression but I stopped taking it.

Maybe I have a real problem with serotonin and then it gets worse and it starts tipping the balance of dopamine..

Because I remember when I took a psychedelic (It mimics serotonin) and had really bad OCD thoughts and then I was purely in psychosis for 8 hours like I was possessed by satan.

I'm just trying to figure out what is really wrong with me..

I want to eventually feel like myself.

But I'm sick of other people being themselves and putting other people down.

It's * bs

Well weed works different for everyone. When I smoke it I feel relaxed... when I had smoked it new years I was happy because for the first time in ever I stop hearing voices in a long time.

The first time I smoked it I was so relaxed. Although it made me hear voices and stuff. But that was the only time it made me relaxed.

Also different strands will effect the same person differently.

Ive been smoking it on and off for the last few years. Again, like I said, it's not for everyone.

It's not for me because I feel like I'm stuck with all these bad coping mechanisms and I do things to make me lose control. I only asked for psychiatric help because I was so depressed and then I lost control of my mind and it wasn't good for everyone else around me. I'm really screwed up and yeah sometimes I want to die but I feel like I want to fight this because I'm obsessed with getting better.

I get really tired but sometimes I sleep more because I'm so confused.

Sometimes I get hyper aware of my heart beat and check my pulse all the time. I'm ****ing sick of work and people there being all ok with themselves and able to be functional members of society like how I wish to be. I don't want to be living with my mom and not being able to be in control of my life. I want to be independent and live by myself and do things that I want to do.

The weed is just a sign that I can do better because I know I was fine during the time I got out of the hospital and smoked it and was fine. It seems like when I got out of the hospital, I was much better but I lost myself again and got admitted again and again.

When I tried weed in December voices got incredibly vivid for me....and I started seeing in the 4th dimension of time. It was outright bizarre and disturbing. The 4th dimension thing happened the first time I smoked weed a few years ago, though no voices at that time (onset of first symptoms hadn't occurred until Jan/Feb 2016). Some strains make me really chill. I never bother to find out which ones they are. But I don't worry about it because it is hella illegal here in Finland and I risk deportation if I got caught doing it here. So I don't do it at all.