Roll Call #115

Which is 15. Lol

Oh my. Well not spending can be easy it’s just the crap that jumps up at the same time that’s hard. Hopefully you thought ahead and bought gas and stuff. I hate being broke. I’m suffering from financial asshattery too.

I have a gas card. I have a few other gift cards as well. Like to target. I might have a few pieces of cash too. But as it stands in my bank account i only have 30 dollars. Ive tried to cut corners with my spending but i need too much.

I don’t recommend disability to anyone. Not only am i getting crappy healthcare, im only living on 13,000 a year. Thats wayyyy below poverty.

No. When you get sick here you're on your own.

15 cuts??? Are they counting your scars???

My teeth are bothering me. I feel horrible. I want to shave and massage my scalp.

I took a nice semi-cold shower and put some perfume on. Hopefully that’ll help me feel better about everything from this morning.

I also got a call back from the vocational rehab services. They are sending me info in the mail and gonna send me a time and date to come in to see a vocational rehab counselor. Im nervous.

The instructions said that in rare cases the phototherapy would cause temporary nausea and headaches but after 15 or 20 min i feel nauseous.

Oh and im pretty sure it was that biotin causing my recent migraines. I looked it up. I didnt take it today, only my D3, and i feel fine.

I cant help but feel like this clinic is holding me down. Especially my peer worker. Either that or im overestimating what i can do in life. Idk.

But she knows all kinds of stuff about me and still talks to me the way she does. Lumps me in a group with everyone else at this place, severely ill or not. I feel like i can do at least something even if its volunteer work. But i need money. So i want a job. I know im gonna be stressed out to the max but i need money...

Asking my parents for money is not an option at this point anymore. My dad doesnt want me to work but he also complains when i ask him for money nowadays. And ill hear about it forever from my mom if i ask her.

They phrased it as cutting sittings like how many times I sat and cut myself

That's so bizarre. Body modification? A tattoo is body modification, not cut marks. I guess it's just a euphemism for "crazy person". I hate my scars. I didn't really pay attention to them most of my life but now they look so obvious.

At least I have ice water. No one has singles for the Coke machine here. Tomorrow is another business day to hopefully get change for a 20. So I guess things are ok. I'm still sick. My throat.hurts and the congestion is getting worse again. And my teeth hurt. I have phantom tooth pain from teeth I don't even have anymore. How/why do I keep getting sick?

Does anyone remember Shannon Gilbert, the escort whose body was found in a marsh? What was her cause of death, accident or murder? I can't find the thread that branched off from from the first part which was almost 1000 posts. I think her remains were found in 2011.

Cutting is a form of body modification. Its called scarification. But cutters are typically not seen as part of that.

Wow. I never heard of that. Hm.

Trying to get my night work done but nothing is cooperating. It’s always when I have a lot to do. I really need a new computer. Just have to hang tough for a couple months. I dread installing all these programs on a new computer. But I do love shiny new electronics.

My dad and sister have already put in good words for me on my application for volunteer work. I was so surprised that they both did. Not only did my dad do it this morning but my sister already did it last night. I couldnt be more thankful. Hopefully i get chosen to volunteer.

Why do i feel the need to completely distance myself from my family and friends? Idk. I think because i make myself so available to people since im always bored and lonely. I think i dont need to distance myself. I think i just need to get more of a life.

I woke up feeling ill. Now I'm full blown sick. It sucks cause I called out Tuesday noe I'm actually sick. I'm going to work anyway i don't care . I have to.

Just had some chicken noodle soup and sourdough bread

Yeah idk. He didn't really make me feel crazy about it. It must be common if they have to ask. It was during the physical exam . I passed the blood pressure, heart rate, and hematochrit and protein test

Good evening everyone, how are things going today?

Angelique, junkDNA and Newtus, I hope you all feel better soon.

I'm okay. A little more stable today. Went to the store to get some groceries. Reserving my train tickets to go to Tampere for an appointment in a couple weeks. Been talking this over with my Finnish friends; and it really reflects a desire of mine. To integrate here eventually as a Finnish citizen. I really feel a connection with this home.

Yea I never would have believed I'd get sick again so soon. I definitely have a fever but no one has taken it or asked me how I am.

You're very brave. I can't deal with the sight of blood.

Its so dead in here

Where is everyone?

I'm around. Just roaming the internet. Thinking a lot about things and identity.

Im tired. Im ready to goto bed but i cant for another couple of hours.