Roll Call 141!

Thanks, I will. I'll be seeing her in a couple weeks

Trying to decide if I should get my haircut tomorrow l, I want something entirely different

I do not do well when symptomatic. I take as high a dose as I need to completely obliterate the voices/hallucinations. I am lucky that it works. I know some never get relief.

Alcohol for sleep is a very bad idea. Heavy drinking actually makes it harder to sleep. Not to mention it can cause psychosis and a myriad of physical problems.

Try Benadryl. When you see your psychiatrist ask about Trazodone. It is an older anti-depressant, mainly used for sleep now. It is the only thing that works for me.

I was having a lot of difficulty sleeping a couple months ago. Waking up at 3 am no matter what time I went to bed. I actually stopped taking my ambien last month and have been doing a little better.
I have found that going to bed as soon as I’m tired no matter the time and having a bedtime routine has helped. I do read a little in bed too. Like 15 mins if I make it that long.
Around 8 I have a coffee and a snack, snuggle the dogs (sounds stupid but it clears my mind and calms me), wash my face (something new I’m trying. I used to only wash in the am cuz I’m lazy), brush my hair and teeth. All that good stuff.
I hope that you can get some sleep and hang out tomorrow night.

I should not be watching this doc. It’s on sex offenders. They are all whining about how they are treated in prison. “Not all sex offenders are evil...my victim wasn’t a 2 yr old”. Wtf? “Most sex offenders are the most manipulative people on the planet. I just accidentally fell in love with my stepdaughter”.
Cry me a river mother****er...hope it hurts.

Now I’m all pissed off

It's as though you have no motivation, right? I know that feeling as well. What I do sometimes when I can't summon any motivation up is reflect on my worst fear, that if I don't do anything then I'll become a failure. The fear of complete and utter failure, if I think about it enough, can be just enough to motivate me to write.

I think there are two main drives that summon us to a higher existence: wisdom through suffering and wisdom through wondering. It's healthier to feel wondering and then do the activity of wondering. It's kind of an adjective an and a verb. A pleasurable one. Plato thinks philosophy starts with wondering. However, there is also suffering which can become so great that it can shake a person out oof their habit and sloth, and to reflect and force you to change become reborn.

Im taking a break on my book tonight

Congratulations to the human race. You’ve done it again.

I took a 2 hour stimulant nap and I feel a bit better. I didn't actually fall asleep but it was deep enough in thought that I was dreaming while awake but didn't remember what I was thinking because I thinking in pictures the whole time. Then I went unconscious for a second and woke up.

I'm going to watch the rest of a 3 hour talk with Jordan peterson and Sam Harris lol..

I watched "Lion Man" on YouTube and it's so cool. He said all the lions will be dead in 15 years but he keeps like 30 of them in a giant cage and cuddles with all of them.

My t said I need to get a tattoo reminding me that the voices lie

Something like "they lie" or "they're lying" idk

Hey guys.
Husband woke me up getting ready for work. Grrr. Very sick this morning and I have a raging headache.
I’m supposed to be working but I have to try to sleep this off.
I still have to get out shopping for food for tonight. Ugh.

Oh sweet. I just found my holiday schedule and I took today off! That’s awesome. One less thing on my plate = longer nap. I may log in to check for payments.

Okay...going grocery shopping. Here’s hoping the zofran kicks in.

Morning

Having coffee

My dad says he’s probably gonna get a cat and i asked if i can pick it out and he said yes!!!!!!!!!

I should have named my cat Barf lol Tell us when it's named!

Ok lol!!!!!!!

Okay. I am done with my book juts about. I cited everything I know that needs to be cited. I made a bibliography. I put all citations in footnotes to create a smoother read with less distractions. I found out cyclops is singular, and cyclopes is plural. lol Can't believe I caught that one. My editor will be pleased that all the heavy lifting is finished. He can just work on grammar and punctuation, and other little stuff, and maybe, since he has a PhD in philosophy, he can tell me where I have weak arguments that need to be improved, and tell me how to improve them. he said he would only go over the book closely one time thoroughly.

I'm really happy, and lucky all these translations are in the public domain for me to use. Without these old authors it wouldn't have been possible, or at least it would have been tricky. I'm going to try and trim my philosophy chapter now. I used too much of William James. Also, I have two new books titled "What is Philosophy?" that i might gain some insigt with.

I finally slept

Fck life!!!!!

Im getting the point that im gonna start starving myself if everything i eat or drink seems to make me sick

I fear that school and work and life is going to be too much for me and I'm going to crash

Cuz naturally I'm a sloth