Roll Call 141!

I took a big ol anxiety pill as prn

600mg. I usually cut it in half but i didnt today.

I regret making plans with my friend for later today. I love hanging out with him but my energy has completely fizzled out. I just want to sleep

Im crying

Idk. Idk if i already have the commitment. I dont want him to become comfortable where hes at, where another guy can actually make a decision. I just dont wanna be like this. All my family members are married. Some are already on their third babies. Babies dont matter. But i come from many 1st cousins. Like 20 or 30 who are already married except me and one other cousin. Its really really depressing for me.

I love what i have but i dont wanna just throw it all away if he decided to one day just walk out the door like there was never any obligation to me.

Im religious slightly and marriage is a huge thing for me.

He comes from family that is drug addicts and single parents. So he doesnt value marriage like i do i think. Plus he isn’t religious at all.

My mom told me to give it six months and reevaluate if i am happy.

But all this worry and crying about if theirs an actual commitment here has me unhappy.

Yes i know. I just dont want to play house forever with the wrong person. You know?

Cuz i asked him if he wanted to be with me forever and he said “a very long time” but he didnt say forever. I told him just to say what he felt in his heart, not technically.

My contribution to our NYE meal lol

I regret making plans with my friend for later today. I love hanging out with him but my energy has completely fizzled out. I just want to sleep

Been having quite a lot of flashbacks these last few days. I feel depressed and I’m grumpy. Got restless legs just now.

I feel like I’m losing my mind.
I am so ITCHY! Every Dundee inch of my body. It doesn’t feel like dry skin itch...it’s weird. I popped some Benadryl to see if that would help.

Maybe I should buy some vodka and whiskey tomorrow and try to make myself fall asleep from drinking. I don't really drink, haven't in a few years. I did binge drink somewhat when I was like 21-22 but I'm desperate right now

Okay...going grocery shopping. Here’s hoping the zofran kicks in.

Last week I had massive hives and my scratches look like cutting. And now I have a stomach bug. At least I stopped throwing up this morning.

I was taking my own Benadryl because I could control it. The pills, not the rash.

Ugh. Helluva way to ring in the New Year. I hope the puking has gone and you’re feeling better soon.

falcon and blue_bird.

I’m in bed. Have to actually set my alarm for the morning. Kids are back to school and the past couple days I’ve slept until after 6. Wish they had another week off.
I have so much product on my hands lol. I have straight aloe, straight Shea butter, cake cream, some kind of skin oil that seems to work really good and in a minute I’m slathering on the bag balm. I’ll beat these damn cracks.
I have noticed this winter that after 44 yrs of not giving a **** I actually have to start paying attention to the skin on my body and hands. It’s getting thin and dry and just unhealthy looking. I’ve never had problem skin before. Just my hands. I wash them like a million times a day.