Roll Call 145

I want to smoke weed and never be sober..

Heart palps! This happened to me on Concerta at night. I thought to myself, "Why me? Why must I die unexpectedly?" and I switched to Vyvanse and they are gone.. because dextroamphetamine is safer for the heart than methylphenidate..

But Seroquel has it's own thing with Geodon of long QT syndrome so you should get your heart checked ECG. Ask to look at the paper when it comes out and read the "QT: 440ms" is max for a male.

Mine was as high as 455ms on escitalopram 5mg.. had to go off of it.. My moms heart QT interval was like 500+ which means high chance of heart going "Bloop" and stopping..

Not to scare you but I hope you're not taking high doses of Benadryl cuz that is bad for the heart and brain. Alzheimers..

With all my little knowledge about the heart.. you see why I'm obsessed... but lately I haven't been checking my pulse and taking caffeine pills.

My therapist was like "Yes, it's true that you have a flat affect" and I was sad because another professional confirmed it... I was sad when a psychiatrist writes "Poverty of speech".

I did cry in front of my treatment team once.. not sure what it was about but I was having a lot of hypno hallucinations and felt so tired like I was in a dream... "Up the Concerta to 108mg when you get to your outpatient pdoc.. I give you 60mg Vyvanse for now" well.. I walked out of the hospital dancing and feeling happy on 30+mg Abilify then "No insight to risks and inappropriate behavior" I got mad at him for saying that!

I only have two pills left of my Zoloft but I just realized my bank account is negative. So no meds for a week!

Screw the american healthcare and the pharmaceutical companies

I forget what paranoia feels like

feeling paranoid?

No no like I legit forget what it feels like. All I can do is imagine it but it doesn't register. It's a foreign feeling. I'm paranoid about nothing. I can't think of one thing that I'm paranoid about. Isn't that amazing? Yesss yes it is...

That's great

There's things that a normal person should be paranoid about but for me it's like my brain is soaked in sweet antipsychotic.

I think I might ask to try an off label antidepressant. I'm sick of feeling sad all the time.. although maybe I can appreciate music better.. idk... an antidepressant that isn't an SSRI or SNRI something like tianeptine.. but that's a legal research chemical.. oh no now I'm thinking about RC's again...

I need better therapy

I'm going to ask my psychiatrist about ECT

It would be free for me

Just to try it once and see what happens. Cuz my long term memory is **** anyways.

Schizophrenia.com, paranoid schizophrenia - Schizophrenia treatment; electroconvulsive therapy, fact and myth

Electroconvulsive therapy. alberta;

"ECT treatments are usually done 2 to 3 times a week for 2 to 3 weeks. Maintenance treatments may be done one time each week, tapering down to one time each month. They may continue for several months to a year, to reduce the risk of relapse. ECT is usually given in combination with medicine, psychotherapy, family therapy, and behavioural therapy."

Ok nvm

The seroquel and melatonin will kick in and send me into a deep sleep.

I didn't get a panic attack today. I'm being respectful of the benzo and it's power. No benzo for me unless rare panic attack.

But I bring a bottle with me on the ski hill (Going skiing tomorrow cuz I finished my studying) in case of panic. Cuz panicking on the ski hill would really suck.

SP will never believe my words as she witnessed me swallow 92 klonopins

oops :/

Hope you're okay tweaky

Good morning, went to the library and got some graphic novels and DVDs to watch.

I woke up super early but feel well rested because I took a nap yesterday afternoon

I started learning Italian again I hope to stick with it consistently now

Morning! Happy hump day!
Nothing going on today. Finished work already and ate some kashi blueberry cereal. It was okay. Used almond milk which isn’t my fave.
Think I’m going to try to sleep. I’ll throw something on netflix. I’ve been incredibly tired lately. Maybe from my body healing itself. I actually ache to lay down. Bodies are weird.

I love almond milk!!

Hope you feel better soon

I'm watching the chilling adventures of sabrina on Netflix right now

lol i had a dream that I had a mental break down and everyone was like "you need to calm down" and i was like "i'm not going there they give out iv's like it's a ****ing badge"... not sure what i was talking about. for some reason i woke up sexually aroused... not sure why is that either but hey i'll take it xD

I don't think that's helping, but I'm not sure that it is all that it is. Last time I saw my PDoc, I was depressed and we raised the AP. He said we might end up adding another AD but we didn't want to do two things at the same time. I see PDoc today so I've been trying to ascertain how I am doing so we can decide if I need another AD. I think I'm still depressed. When we first upped the AP I could tell a difference, but now I just feel like I was before we upped it. I always have a problem with medications just stopping working. I've been on tons of different ones and this always happens. Like my depression is just too strong. It will be subdued for a while and then it comes out swinging and wrecks everything. HUGS Kit

Sorry Newtus, that sucks. HUGS Kit

I think I'm getting sick. I kind of have a headache and some body aches, a little bit of a cough and some drainage. My Mom has had a cold since Saturday, so I don't know if it is that. I hope not. I wanted to go to Disneyland this weekend, just as a break from everything but I don't know whether or not to schedule it. If I'm going to be sick then there's no point in going. But I haven't been since January. HUGS Kit

even though I've not felt suicidal today, I have had a very difficult day (or morning I should say) having a meeting with a person about end of life care.

well, I've always been saying I want to tell someone what I want to happen, and today was it

and yes, it was difficult- though the guy listened and told me that he understood, the fact I was even talking to a guy (not a girl) freaked me out

the afternoon's been better, but very draining. after all those thoughts and an intense conversation, I didn't want to do much

sat down and watched life in peaces

now I'm hungry though. want my sausages

I'm sorry. I hope the depression melts away.

I still need a new Nautilus tank, full size. It's just my go-to tank. As much as I want to chuck huge clouds, I'm realizing that would be rude on the back patio. I am using a Nautilus mini and it doesn't hold a day's worth of juice on my Drag. I vape it at 10 watts and my Drag cooks my juice faster.

Of course I still plan to use my Cleito tank sometimes. I still haven't tried it yet. It's a pain to fill the tank more than once a day.

The pnurse or pdoc was just here. And it's really disgusting in here.