Roll Call 145

I think I'm depressed.

I'm just going through my book slowly. I think I will let that editor go over my book one time and make corrections and prepare it for kindle ereader. I can do everything else, but I'm not a master with MS Word.

He said he'd charge $500 to edit the book by going over it one time. What else helps is that he has a PhD in philosophy.

I was looking at a writing course at MASTERCLASS where neil Gaimon teaches how to write fiction and create worlds, and make dialogues. It's tempting to take that class because I truly know very little about this. Also, if I can get audio lessons, then I could go over them while I work and finish them in a couple weeks, maybe a month.

I hope things get better

Thanks @Blue_Bird

I'm gonna see my psychiatrist and therapist on thursday.

I'm not sure if I should ask for a mood stabilizer or not, been having a lot of mood swings lately. Definitely gonna ask for a new anxiety med, I've grown resistant to klonopin.

Been having a few down days. Woke up this morning and one of the first thoughts in my head was "I hate myself"

I'm feeling a bit better now, just ate supper and took my Geodon. Which is gonna make me super sleepy probably, I hate that it does that.

Me too...I dunno, i just wanna lay in bed and ignore the world. I'm not sure if I'm heading for psychosis again. The music has messages for me and loads of weird coincidences keep happening. I'm trying to reality check but it doesn't stop the stuff from happening.

Have you had any med changes? Significant weight changes?
For me those messages and coincidences always lead to trouble. I convince myself of the most outlandish and painful things.
Do you have a therapist you can call?
I really hope you’re feeling better soon

I'm sorry, Kit. Is it because your cat is sick?

That's a good question. I honestly don't know. Every time I start editing I see new major problems. But the last thing I will do is have the editor go through it then directly upload it and make adjustments where needed. I have already edited to chapter 9 out of 15. Im hoping that I can knock a chapter a day off. It's really a matter of how soon I get the $500 to get it edited.

I wish I had some contacts in philosophy who would look at it for free. I have given up the thought of having an index though. Im at the point where I just want this done.

Oh... maybe I do have a friend in philosophy on twitter who will do it for free... I read her dissertation on delusions and she's proficient in Word...

No I haven't had any medication changes. I've actually lost a bit of weight but I think it's because I dont have the money to buy junk food. I dont have a therapist that i can call. I see the clozapine clinic tomorrow, I could probably tell them what's happening and they might get me an appointment with a psychiatrist. I dont want my meds increased though so....idk

try to ignore the messages and coincidences. I know it's hard to do, but you'll feel better if you do.

Sometimes depression can trigger the hallucinations.....or any stress....if you can change your emotional state you might be able to stop a relapse.....to stop mild depression I use the pick three technique. You pick three fun things to do together at one time. You need to use more than one sense and you’ve got five so a typical pick three might be reading a book while listening to music and having a small snack or if you can go out that’s even better.

I’m on 80mg Latuda and 100-150mg seroquel. The seroquel is making me sleepy I think I’ll lower it. It’s too much I was tired and out of it all day. I gotta work early I can’t sleep all day.

This is true according to stahls psychopharmacology....I cant remember why but the best doses for sleep are lower. The receptor binding profile is different depending on dose, it works best for sleep around 50mg.

Yeah lower doses of seroquel are more sedating.

Yeah my doctor explained that higher doses are for the antipsychotic properties

Yeah an dmiddle doses are kinda antidepressant.....they explain it as the three bears with sleep being the baby bear.

Thats interesting.

Cbd in low doses causes sleep. High doses is like sativa. Energy causing.

Ugh. I’m sorry. I understand not wanting an increase. Maybe if you can talk to someone you can nip it before that.

mood suddenly plummeted so im gonna go to my grandmas house. Will probably stay there until my appointment on thursday

I’m feeling off.
Not sure what it is. Can’t really put my finger on it. Not sure if it’s the death of my fil and the fallout from that or what. I just feel weird. Not symptomatic or anything ... I can’t even describe it.
I think I really need Spring to hurry up and get here. Things are always better when I’m not buried under 14 layers.

Well I tried 25mgs of seroquel, then 50, then 100, then 200, and now 300. Im lso taking 30mgs of Restoril (a benzo).

It’s possible it’s mood related......

I have a pretty flat affect all around. :-/

Slept all day while on Vyvanse