Roll Call 152

I feel really rundown.

I'm getting anxiety cuz I have 10 things to do tomorrow and my mom said she was feeling dizzy and my sister is in a dysphoric mania and having panic attacks.

Big lots has cute stuff thats where I got my couch

Morning

I tried hard to sleep in, but I still woke up before 8am.

I finally slept... 11 hrs. Woke up stuff as hell. Had to take a muscle relaxer.

Went back to sleep and woke up to this from my fiance for my bday. Belated bday gift.

I went home for the weekend and stuff happened just before leaving the ward and I am paranoid and feel like I am being possessed again. Voices, walls breathing, smoke off skin. I don't feel like I am who I am. I don't feel like me. It's scarying me. Maybe I need to go back to the ward....

Took me 4 hours to falls asleep last night cuz I have hyper awareness of the heart. It was hell sort of. Kept waking up. I should cut down on the energy drinks.

Gonna go mountain biking at noon =]

Couldn't sleep well last night. Kept waking up because of pain (princess period is visiting). So my sleep was all disrupted. I still managed to get up nearly on time but I don't feel as well today as I did yesterday, emotionally. I felt really okay yesterday and today I feel like I can barely keep my head above water. IDK why. Like nothing happened except the sleep thing.

Hope you have a relaxing weekend Kit

Done mountain biking. Might go for a run tomorrow.

But right now I'm literally procrastinating everything.

WHY do I procrastinate so much? Is that ADD and schizophrenia?

I'm telling my psychiatrist to put my invega injection back to every 3 weeks instead of 4 weeks. Idk if a benzo or olanzepine would work idk.

Nothing works.

I aways have like 20-30 tabs open on my browser because I get bored. When I want to read something, I bookmark it to read later but I NEVER read it :/

Yall remember years ago when I said I had seen a woman strip naked and run into the street and then eventually stab a woman? That was in 2007. In my hometown.

I found out the woman that did that, she was murdered in 2015. They found her body in a dumpster in Dallas.

There's no wow react so.. D: ..

I'm going to tell my psychiatrist about my procrastination of a million things and not focusing on one thing at a time. It's really making my life an absolute living hell. It's the main thing that is wrong with me right now.

I've been complaining about this and calling it negative symptoms but I have no idea what it is. Does anyone know?

Quarter life crisis?

Scheduled my wisdom tooth surgery, it's gonna be this upcoming Tuesday at 9:30AM. Not looking forward to it, but I'm ready to get it over with.

Feel really nauseous

One of my meds was increased and I ended up sleeping like 15 hours. I haven't slept that long in years

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

Wow I feel sad from the high dose cbd, 0.5mg benzo and low dose phenibut.

I just feel sad. Like I don't like my life. I don't want a house. I want to wander and do things, interacting with people and strangers.

I noticed that a lot of hitchhikers have schizophrenia. I wonder why. Their families kicked them out? Or they just want to wander?

I'm sick of the internet and intellectual absorbing of information. I don't want to go to school. I just want to live a simple life. I don't want material things. I don't want a car. I want to go somewhere else. I get cabin fever a lot.

Why not just do occasional shrooms, smoke weed, be a hippy. Give love to the world. Volunteer. I want a dog. I want to see incredible places. Surfing. Idk. I want to be on an island or live in South America or South East Asia. The Netherlands.

But I have to take this Invega injection. Why can't I just have a life times worth of it, save up money by working and leave Canada?

I guess I just have to go to school, find a passion and interest, continue on my path and then I can do those things when I'm older.

That's basically what I'm striving for right now. But that will change.

Morning

I gained all my weight I lost back. I guess from the food I ate for my birthday celebration all week.

Glad the library was open. Felt like I was going to pass out on the way to the pharmacy and back. Stopped in there on my way home and drank some water

Which of your meds was increased?

My memory is still foggy from the Seroquel or Trileptal. I've been off Seroquel for about 4 days now. I hope I get it back soon. I am sleeping better though.

I was gonna go see my old pss today, but I'm so tired. Plus I havent had a chance to write a darn thing. I'm busy everyday, and half the days this week I havent come home til around 7 or 8pm. So I'm just staying home today. She asked to meet on monday, but I just hope to god, that between the chores I need to do, and relaxing, that i can get something written down.

I haven't had a chance to sleep in all week. Even on my off days and my bday.

Went on a little shopping spree but shouldn't have. I mainly got stuff we needed for the house. Then some extra stuff.