Roll Call 152

My grandpa just passed away just now. I got news from my mom who is in California right now.

Morning

I've got a headache. It could either be sleeping a lil too much or caffeine withdrawals. I sipped a bit of cold black coffee and instantly fell better. But it didnt even have time to reach my stomach when I did, so pretty sure it was a placebo effect. So maybe I could be stressed out too.

I dont wanna do anything. I'm exhausted all the time. I think I'm slightly depressed.

I know at work I am not exactly training anymore. But I dont have a finished office yet, and I dont have anything to do. I sit at my boss's desk and watch her answer emails all day. For 5 hours. So I'm bored at work.

My diet is getting worse.

I'm too exhausted to cook these days.

So I order out like drive thru. Or eat candy and chips all day.

I'm pretty sure that's partially what's causing all this exhaustion and not feeling well.

I once called 911 on the hospital because I legit thought that they were poisoning my food and other things.

Think of the meds as what they really are (Antipsychotic medication). They do the exact opposite of LSD, shrooms, mescaline and DMT. Psychedelics can cause hallucinations, dissolving of free will, paranoia, psychosis and delusions.

Antipsychotics antagonize serotonin 2A receptors which decreases dopamine. Too much dopamine is in the temporal lobe (Hearing?) which causes voices. Dopamine can go into the back of the head and cause visual hallucinations.

Your prefrontal cortex malfunctions. Humans are the only known animal that can get schizophrenia because they have a prefrontal cortex. If you do a lobotomy and severe the front of the brain, you become a zombie. Antipsychotics can make you feel like a zombie but not at moderate doses which usually work for psychosis.

There's also spirituality that you can think about when you're not so scared.

I couldn't sleep last night and was going slightly psychotic but thankfully the Seroquel kicked in and I could go to sleep. I imagine things in my head and it just turns out into suicidal, homicidal, weird thoughts because I also have obsessional OCD and intrusive thoughts. It's the dissolving of free will. Free will is an illusion and animals don't think about what we're doing. But we do. We are the most advanced form of life and we think too much.

Remember, no one is in control. If you look at earth from a spaceship, you're just watching a bunch of monkeys fighting over different Gods and killing each other. Hippies doing psychedelics from love and the bad trip, coming from hate and repressed traumatic memories in the subconsciousness from what evil people did.

It's easy to be cynical, or think people are out to get you from environmental factors of what has happened to you and the thoughts that you think. Thoughts are hallucinations but you have to trust your thoughts. You don't trust your thoughts and you are lucid. Without the meds, you could lose insight.

I once called 911 on the hospital because I legit thought that they were poisoning my food and other things.

Think of the meds as what they really are (Antipsychotic medication). They do the exact opposite of LSD, shrooms, mescaline and DMT. Psychedelics can cause hallucinations, dissolving of free will, paranoia, psychosis and delusions.

Antipsychotics antagonize serotonin 2A receptors which decreases dopamine. Too much dopamine is in the temporal lobe (Hearing?) which causes voices. Dopamine can go into the back of the head and cause visual hallucinations.

Your prefrontal cortex malfunctions. Humans are the only known animal that can get schizophrenia because they have a prefrontal cortex. If you do a lobotomy and severe the front of the brain, you become a zombie. Antipsychotics can make you feel like a zombie but not at moderate doses which usually work for psychosis.

There's also spirituality that you can think about when you're not so scared.

I couldn't sleep last night and was going slightly psychotic but thankfully the Seroquel kicked in and I could go to sleep. I imagine things in my head and it just turns out into suicidal, homicidal, weird thoughts because I also have obsessional OCD and intrusive thoughts. It's the dissolving of free will. Free will is an illusion and animals don't think about what we're doing. But we do. We are the most advanced form of life and we think too much.

Remember, no one is in control. If you look at earth from a spaceship, you're just watching a bunch of monkeys fighting over different Gods and killing each other. Hippies doing psychedelics from love and the bad trip, coming from hate and repressed traumatic memories in the subconsciousness from what evil people did.

It's easy to be cynical, or think people are out to get you from environmental factors of what has happened to you and the thoughts that you think. Thoughts are hallucinations but you have to trust your thoughts. You don't trust your thoughts and you are lucid. Without the meds, you could lose insight.

My mom has cancer again this time in an ovary....she has to have chemo then surgery then chemo again.

I also have mostly pure O (obsessions) OCD with intrusive thoughts and magical thinking.


My thoughts literally get stuck in a loop sometimes , and certain words or phrases just repeat incessantly


It is pretty maddening to me .

Me too... I obsess over a lot almost every day. Patterns, numbers, etc. And then there are the intrusive thoughts that get obsessed over too. It's hard to make my brain stop and go somewhere else.

Woke up at 330am to stomach pain and nausea. Proceeded to throw up a whole stomach full of bile. Gross way to wake up . Still going to work tho

My mom has cancer again this time in an ovary....she has to have chemo then surgery then chemo again.

My grandpa just passed away just now. I got news from my mom who is in California right now.