Roll Call 153

I am falling into the quicksand of my troubled mind

Hope you can get some sleep. It is very important.

I feel like demons and angels are determining my fate and something unknown is controlling me and my thoughts.

I suppose that's a little psychosis but whatever. I'll try to distract myself.

I don't know whether or not I deserve to be happy or be tortured instead.

Edit: This happens sometimes. I took an olanzepine.

I'm sorry Angelique

I've been off Seroquel for about a month and my memory still hasn't come back one bit. I hope this isn't permanent. Trileptal apparently causes it too. What can I do besides give it time though. At least I'm sleeping better without Benadryl now. Plus, I have back ups of Remeron for nights that are difficult. I'm going to wean myself down on the benzo I have though. Starting tonight, I'm just going to take 15mgs. I'm going to lower my Geodon to 120mgs while I'm at it. Very slowly of course in 20mgs a week.

I think I'm going to do what SP did with fish oil. I'll do anything at this point.

Good night everyone ((hugs))

I posted what I wrote here on reddit and someone said;

"If you are asking if what you wrote made sense.... I am sorry sweetie but no. I couldn't follow any of this post really."

And "I think a schizophrenic problem is wasting time high on abstract thought instead of retaining knowledge." (I wish I knew how to fix this).

My mom and sister are gone to the city for the night and I'm alone and scared.

4 hours of sleep... :/

Yesterday I woke up at 3am to my therapists voice in my ear saying

Sarah ... this way.... sarah...

I worked 1030 to 7 yesterday

Now I get 2 days off

I woke up at 7am today.... a normal time!!!

101 Ways to Chill Out and Reduce Stress - Ditch the Label

I'll check out that link when I'm on my computer. I bookmarked it. Thanks.

Cool, I printed the list out awhile back and it has been very helpful to me

Cool! Sometimes it's hard to read long pages on my phone but I only get on PC thru Tapatalk... So links and stuff happen on my phone and I usually bookmark them and come back to them on the computer.

Still sleeping 12 hours a night, even on this lower dose. But at least im not sleeping during the day.

Long day of nothing, sleeping here and there. Then a long night of broken sleep to look forward to. On the positive side its quiet.

Studying on Duolingo

I'm not sleeping during the day so that's good

Plan on trying out the 30 days shred video every day by Jillian Micheals for a few months and see what kind of results I get , bought the DVD awhile back , time to put it to good use

Just sitting here.. listening to music and podcasts.. grinding marijuana..

My mom and sister should be back from the city today so I won't feel as alone with my thoughts.

Hey.

I had said I will not post here anymore. But I have so many friends here. I will probably not post as often. But I will share things as a whole from time to time.

I went to the doctor yesterday. Urgent care. I've been having bad lower back problems since I started working 4 or 5 weeks ago. They did an xray and said my last two lower spinal disks were very thinned out. The doctor concluded it's probably because of my weight and that I need to lose weight.

Ever since I gained weight the first time I've developed problems. Nothing really major. But like knee joint pain, this current problem, and exhaustion easily from being overweight. So this is really a wake up call. When I stopped my meds back in my early twenties, i lost 80 pounds and got back down to 105 with virtually no diet change and no exercising. But then of course I got really really sick mentally.

Anyway, work is good. I began my certification already. It's taking place in parts. So it's not every week. I have the in-person part the week after next. No traveling, unfortunately. But I'm sure I dont need that in my life right now. Itd be hard for me to do by myself.

I have a few things on my mind. One is I'm thinking about taking up instacart again on the weekends. Just to maximize my savings for my next apartment. To move in, I need first months rent, plus an extra 250 cuz of fiances bad credit. Plus money to transfer my electricity and internet. Of course fiance is chipping in. I just dont want to over extend myself. But I find myself bored on the weekends.

Also, they have a tedx event soon at the end of this month, at a 4 year college down the street.

And I also thought about school again, but I need more thought for that.

Also, I wanna goto AlienCon

All in all, everything is going very well. And I'm very happy. And my relationship is doing great!

Thanks, guys!

Might bake some cookies later since I'm not tired, I don't really want any but my sister is stopping by tomorrow so why not, I'll give them to her

Debating taking one of my klonopin. I can't calm down. I'm not anxious or upset or anything, I feel great I just can't calm down though because I'm extremely excited and happy, not sure why. I've been pacing most of the day, I'm just so happy. Only problem is I don't see sleep happening and it's been an issue for a few days

Glad you're doing well! Sorry about the back pain, I hope you're able to lose the weight , I'm trying to lose as well. I know it's hard.

Gonna rewatch breaking bad, the breaking bad movie comes out next month.

I'm doing really well with my self improvement. I've been organizing my bookmarks and notes and wow I've been up to some shyt!

Now I just need to push myself a little harder because I've built tolerance to striving the way I am doing right now.

I'm gonna take a break, walk to the gas station (Listen to a podcast) and buy a coke. Then I'll probably go to sleep because I want to wake up early.

I'm really impressed with myself on the progress that I'm making. I may however be prone to having psychosis and anxiety with the stress but not depression anymore. I believe the self medicating helped with the support of my treatment team (My psychiatrist was saying how in tune I am with my mental illness and how I know what works for me and what doesn't).

In a few years I'll be basically completely healed as long as I keep taking my medication.